I take the Paris metro to work every day. Most of the time it’s fast, easy and I get to work very quickly. But occasionally something happens in the metro that tourists who come to the city rarely experience. When it happens it’s announced over the metro’s loudspeakers but it’s said in such a subtle way that unless you live here you might not know what’s really happening. Usually, someone will make an announcement like this over the system’s loudspeakers (in French):  “Due to a passenger accident, traffic will be interrupted on Line 12.” Then the train stops running for a while. And after some time – depending on the circumstances – it’s suddenly up and running again. Everything is back to normal and parisians resume their rush hour trek to work. But what happened was no accident. Someone commits suicide somewhere in the Paris metro almost every week or so. I hear it’s mostly women. I don’t know why. But they often do it by jumping onto the tracks just as a train is pulling into the station. There are no barriers to stop them.

The Paris metro system is old. To get around the system on a typical day you have to climb a lot of stairs and walk through various corridors to get from one train station to another. In the years I’ve lived here there’s never been any attempt made (that I know of) to install barricades in the metro to stop people from jumping in front of a moving train. It just goes on and on. When it happens the entire system feels the shock. For me it’s a sad, helpless feeling. I wonder who did it and where. And I stand there with the rest of the crowd wondering how I’ll get to work. Some people get angry and I hear them say “merde!” here and there as they get out their cell phones and call work to say they’ll be late. Everything slows to a crawl, then a complete stop. Large crowds form on the platform (similar to what happens in New York) as everyone scrambles to try to find another way to get to the office. But actually I think most people are used to delays in Paris. Bosses understand delays. I sometimes hang out in a café sipping a noisette (expresso with a splash of milk) until the trains are up and running again. If it’s not a metro problem then it’s the French unions that get testy and stage a protest. If it’s not a suicide it’s a transit strike or a bus strike or a workers’ strike. Strikes are a way of life here. I tell myself I’ll get there when I get there.

But lately it’s started to bother me. Why do some people – mostly women – do it? Why do they end it all? I don’t get it. I love this city. It’s absolutely lovely. I love my job. I work with great people. The French Government provides its citizens with so much help. People get subsidized like crazy here. Some people can get a doctor’s excuse and avoid working for months. They still get full pay from their employer plus all the benefits. They get tons of vacation. But there’s something going on here that to me feels like a sad soul sickness, a longing for something I can’t quite place. Sometimes people talk to me about French history and tell me how important France once was. They point out that America is now the one superpower in the world. All the rest is left unspoken but I sense how they feel. I don’t know what to say. They were once a great dynasty with an incredible history that is still there in the rich, beautiful architecture. But I sense it's not enough. Every time I hear the same sad announcement on the metro loudspeaker I wonder what could possibly hurt so much in this beautiful city to make some people behave the way they do. I tell myself I don’t know if I’ll ever know why. Then I think maybe I do know. A little...