i'm reading the comments (thank you!!), and they are getting through to my head lol. so let's try a little experiment. for every time i rant about my life, i will rave about what i can as well!

so today i ranted about being lonely and bored...

good things, good things...
    well, my work-friend did drive all over just to get me the weed, plus it was right after she closed at work, and she gave me a great deal and wouldnt accept gas money. she said she knows how it is and how much it sucks not having smoke. so thats a really nice thing to do for one, and for two - i just feel crappy because i have to rush everything and i want a really good friend NOW but good friends take time and i'm probably moving in with her anyway.
    another good thing is i finally have some damn pot so i can chill and take a break from depressed-sober-me, return to the world of stoned-happy-hopeful-chill-me, and when i come down just being happy for a while will make it easier to be happy sober. thats what usually happens at least. pot is great for stress and anxiety.
    tomorrow i dont have to work, so i get to lay around all day and smoke the previously mentioned pot, and probably have a nice time. i have been thinking i could use a little break from working, and today was stressful enough to make tomorrow really worth it.
    i did buy myself all three seasons of Weeds (awesome show on Showtime about a mother in the suburbs who, upon being widowed, starts dealing pot to make ends meet and starts getting in over her head) so i can watch those tomorrow too.

the other night, the ex-bf/bf-thing (i just usually call him my bf-thing lately) was pretty damn nice to me. not only did he return my call, which i didnt expect, but he actually came out to see me since i was upset and ended up spending the rest of the day with me and our friend who was originally trying to help me calm down. it was quite nice, and when i went home and started getting paranoid and sad again, i asked him if i was just too much stress in his life and that i just must be such a handful to deal with, getting upset all the time and whatnot, and he told me, "i dont know where you're getting these ideas from, dont worry, you're fine". and thats some damn good shit right there: he still cares, obviously quite a bit, we spent time together, and he doesnt want me to think im more trouble than im worth, which i probably am lol.

wow. i do feel a lot better now. =D

i think it'd be really nice to get him a little something cute gift thing. not big because he'd do that whole "omg i feel so bad u spend money on me wah wah" shit and it'd be a little weird for me to do, but just a little something to let him know i really appreciate him coming to see me when i was down. something to show him that i truly value his act of random thoughtfulness... maybe it'll even encourage him lol.


well guess i better get to smoking that weed lol. im in a much better mood. thanks again for the encouraging comments! they obviously helped a lot you guys! <33333333

<3 zane