Now it's all about making sure to get those gifts for everyone on the list.  It's still nice to give, don't get me wrong, but it can become a chore, which kills the spirit.  The excitement isn't there.  I know so many people that HATE this time of year for reasons like this one, which is just really sad.

Of course the promise of presents was high on my list of reasons to love this season as a kid, but I really just loved being around so many people I never got to see and have fun with these individuals.  Sledding and late night games were great.  Riding around in the model-T grandpa had...heck, riding around on the huge old-school tractor and getting to drive it.  Playing in the huge basement.  Staying up later than I was supposed to with the other kids playing silly games up in the separate sort of apartment-room we always slept together in (the much more preferable option than sleeping in our parents' rooms).  Grandma's ridiculous preparation and fantastic food...her cookies always in great variety and high in sweet, unhealthy goodness.  Playing oregon trail on the apple II.  Smiling, laughing, seeing old home movies and giggling at younger versions of your parents.  And tons and tons of other things.  I cried every single time I had to get in the car to go home...alot.  Then I would think about it days later and how it would be another year before it happened again, which would make me cry more.  

Going to grandma and grandpa's house for christmas and seeing that side of the family was my absolute favorite thing ever in the whole world (the second was going to the beach with pretty much the same people...the only other time in the year we were all together...which has also ended, of course).  Then...it just ended.  First came the shortening of our stay.  We used to stay all the way through New-years (yay for sparkling apple juice!)...and gradually the stay lessened.  I always tried to persuade people that it was better to stay, but no one listened to me...I was just a kid anyway.  Then came the worse things...Divorces, people having other things to do or just not feeling like making the trip anymore, and finally, my grandparents having to sell the house I so loved as they could no longer take care of such a big place.  It was hard for them too, and I know they didn't want to do it, so that made it even worse.  Ever since then, it just hasn't been the same.  Now, it just seems like another day sometimes.

I make a wish every christmas eve that I'll wake up and magically, it will be like it was.  Unfortunately, that wish is never granted.  That always brings some tears.  The day is still nice, and I still see family, which does make me happy, but it just isn't...the best thing ever anymore.

Does time have to kill everything slowly?  Memories, bodies, minds, traditions, whatever.  Nothing is immune, apparently.  Yes, I'm very pessimistic, sorry.  

I hope others are finding sleep tonight