So today was my long anticipated hospital appointment.I have been looking forward to it,but dreading it at the same time.
I was going to be given a final date for the operation today - and I got one - 25th March 2009
Now it seems like its quite a way off.But believe me - not from where I am sitting.
I got there this morning at 5 30am,to find that I was number 87 in the queue - and that was just for registration.Strange how government hospitals work in this country.They give you a date for your appointment,but no time.So its first come,first serve.
One would think,the earlier you get there,the better your chances are.Not so.
So i waited for about an hour and a half and it was my turn to register - strange thing is,that process took about 5 minutes.Its the same as going to admissions and they book you into the clinic that you are going to.In my case,neurosurgery.
I get to neurosurgery and there is another queue,again,first come,first serve.
Now the strange thing about today was that I knew it was going to be a long day.They would take a series of MRI and CT scans today,so that they could take another lot,closer to the date of the op and compare the both,to see if there were any major changes.
Needless to say -as of 3 45pm this afternoon,I was still there,only leaving just after 4 30pm.They wanted to do what was called a trans cranial dopler test as well,where they shoot electromagnetic rays at your brain,and it tells them the blood pressure in your brain.They wanted to do this,as a result of the shunt that I have in my head - which they say is migrating,due largely to the 'pull' exerted by the tethered cord on the base of my brain - thats why the sudden urgency to have the op done.They seem to think that the more my brain gets pulled,the further it goes into my spinal column,and thats good night charlie for me.
I was also told that the only real risk for me during the operation,is that of infection due to the leakage of cerebral spinal fluid,into my body.I was told the risks of that happening were between 3 and 8% - I think I will take my chances.Kind of damned if I do and damned if I dont.
So I am sitting here right now - with the realisation that everything is going to go ahead,and the date is now booked,and there is no turning back.
But still.I am not sure how to deal with it - do I withdraw into my self and take it one day at a time?Maybe - I definitely have a lot to do between now and then....just in case something goes wrong.I am sure that it wont,but just in case it does you never know - I am a realist.
I look at it this way;
If you look for the bad in life
You see bad
If you look for the good in life
You see good
But if you go through life with your head up high,you tend to cover yourself properly
My resolution for this year was 'Face your Fears'
So I guess to day is as good a day as any to start.
Maybe
cuppajava posted on Dec 03, 2008
| views: 101
Comments
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fragglesrock said on Dec 03, 2008....
wow. that sounds like a serious surgery. i can understand the dread you feel. i wish i could look into a magic crystal ball and say that everything will be ok, no complications etc....but i don't have a crystal ball...however...you do have an awesome attitude :) -
Lucytorial said on Dec 03, 2008....
Finally a date... seems as though the risks are smaller than you once thought... me too.Tell me though, who is going to help you recover CJ? at home? -
pusscat said on Dec 03, 2008....
I may not be there in person love but I am always with you in heart, mind and soul xox -
lionesss said on Dec 03, 2008....
hiya cj....im plzd you have got the date of your op, even tho its very scarey..im sure you will get all the help and suport you need for a speedy recovery,stay positive my friend ....x -
secretlife said on Dec 03, 2008....
i'm glad too that you got your date-i think everything is going to be much better for you after that's over with....think positive!!!! -
Hegemone said on Dec 04, 2008....
CJ, sounds like you're dealing with a very serious thing here, but it also sounds like you're going into it knowledgeable and with a good attitude. You'll be prepared and ready to go. I can only hope this attitude continues on for you and that you will do well during the surgery. Good luck, even if it isn't for a few months yet! -
diabolicdame said on Dec 04, 2008....
Hey.. those odds aren't bad at all!! And finally a date!! I'm positive this will all be for the better. Good things happen to good people cj.. keep faith. :-) -
cuppajava said on Dec 04, 2008....
Hi Fraggles - Thank you for your comment.I have actually been facing the prospect of this op for about 16 months.Back then it was an option,but its not an option anymore.I was diagnosed with a debilitating condition called Tethered Cord Syndrome.I was born with stage 3 spina bifida,my spinal cord tethered after the repair op as a baby,and the tethered ends of it are now attached to the top of my pelvis.As a result,the ends of the cord are tangled up with the nerves that go down the back of my legs.The side effects of the syndrome are getting worse.The op is to untether the cord - so they need to make sure they are cutting the cord and not the nerves to my legs.If those go,then so does the use of my legs.So it is a huge risk for me - but the docs are convinced that they will be successful.I am now the only adult patient in the entire hospital with this condition.Its not that common at all
Hi Lucy - I think they are just trying to reassure me is all.The risks are definitely there though,and it doesnt stop me feeling nervous as hell though.If and when I get out of hospital,it has already been pre arranged that i will be staying with my mum in law til I get back on my feet - literally.She wouldnt have it any other way.
Hi PC - thank you darling,I know you are.And you know that I will be there for you whenever you need me with your sister xox
Hi Lioness - thank you.I am trying to stay positive - I am not sure whether I am being more stupid than brave though.The words 'dont try to fix me,I'm not broken come to mind'
Hi Secret' - i am hoping so too,but the ironic thing is,if you were to look at me,I look fine,nothing wrong at all - but you look at the spinal MRI,they tell a differrent story altogether
Hi Heg' thank you for stopping by and thank you for the comment.At this stage,I can count the months.Very soon,I will be counting the dayz!
Hi DD - thank you for the comment,At least I have the date now.So I know that I dont have to guess anymore!
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Lucytorial said on Dec 04, 2008....
I'm glad to hear that, moms can be a bother but really! you will need all that nurturing dithering and pestering you know.
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