Well, I know that some of you have read my previous posts about the communication problems my husband and I were having.  Recently, I have changed the way I approach our relationship.  I have realized that at times, I can be pretty controlling without meaning to be, and, at times, I can be very, very "witchy" (you know what I really mean here).  I have decided that, in order for our marriage to return to the loving, caring, safe environment it once was, I need an attitude change. 

 

To this end, I have started reading a book that has helped quite a bit.  It talks about trust, about trusting my husband to take care of me and to do what needs to be done, whether that is paying bills or taking out the trash.  It talks about trusting my husband to be the man I married, the an I fell in love with.  I realized that I hadn't been doing that, I hadn't been trusting him much at all.  So, I am slowly letting go of things.  I am not pushing him to do housework any longer, not that it did me much good anyways.  I am not pushing him about the bills, he knows what needs paid and when, and he knows how much money we have, he won't let our daughter and I go without,  I know that.  I am relearning how to trust him and have faith in his love for myself and our daughter.

 

I can already see a bit of improvement, he cuddles with me more than he has been lately.  We talk more than we used to.  I have also noticed that he seems to appreciate it more when I do housework now.  I know that some members of our families would not understand.  For example, he won't let me take the book with me to his parent house, not because he doesn't want me to read it, but because he doesn't think his parents would understand the nature of what I'm doing, the nature of this new, improved relationship we are building. 

 

On the surface, some of the things I am doing may look a bit like subservience or submission, like I've stepped back into the fifties or something.  But it's not like that.  I don't have to ask permission for anything, he doesn't control me in any way.  He still buys my cigarettes for me, even though he wants me to quit (he was quite pleased last night when I took it upon myself to check the prices on those new cappucino Commit lozenges last night while we were grocery shopping, of course, $40 a box is not something we are prepared to do right now). 

 

I feel better about myself when I am not arguing with him.  I feel safer when I am letting him handle the things that I know he can handle.  I love my husband, and I know he loves me, and I know that he appreciates the trust I am giving him now, much better than the argumentative and disrespectful attitude I was giving him before.

 

I don't know if I have explained this very well, but if I haven't, you are welcome to comment on it and I will try to explain more.