My holiday was quite nice. Of course there were a few minor snags early on. It wouldn't be my life if there wasn't. At least it didn't involve crickets this time.
We were rushing to leave the house so we wouldn't be late getting to my parents place. We grabbed a few things to take over there, and my wife asked me, 'hun, you got the keys?' and I said yes. I put them in my pocket. She asked me again, 'you sure?' and I was getting a little annoyed because what? She doesn't trust me? Of course I've got the damn keys!
So we turned the little lock on the door and shut it and walked to the car. Suddenly I realize, I don't have the fucking keys. They weren't in my pocket like I SWORE they were. I remember putting them there. Am I losing my mind? Most likely, because they were not there.
Well shit. Not only is that a dilemma and a pain in the ass, I looked like an idiot because I promised twice (with an attitude) that I had them. And I didn't. Fuck.
I sheepishly had to admit to my wife that I was a fucktard and didn't actually have the keys after all. I expected her to be mad at me, but she just laughed and told me to have fun climbing in the kitchen window. It was the only window we'd left open.
It's a small, high window though. I might have been able to squash my ass through it if I tried hard enough. But I would have had to Spiderman up the wall first. I wasn't looking forward to it.
But then my wife said we should shove our daughter through the window instead. Good thinking. And she was definitely game for that idea. She jumped up and down and squealed, 'oh yes, me, me! I wanna do it!'
It was a bit of a project for me to stand on a rock and pry the screen off, because I could barely reach. But once I got that ripped off, I lifted her up there and started shoving my kid in the window.
Her legs are flailing around, she's laughing, and we're asking her not to break the dishes in the sink with her head. And then of course some neighbors of ours decided to drive past on their way to Thanksgiving. They stopped the car long enough to stare at us, so we waved as if this sight was the most normal thing in the world.
Good thing they knew us or else they might think we were the burglar family, using our 9 year old to gain entry to houses. Talk about family values right?
Anyhow my daughter crashed down into the sink, but made it into the house. And she found my keys sitting on the kitchen table. How the hell? They were in my pocket!! I swear it!!
I'm getting senile in my old age....
But my daughter saved the day and we set off towards my parents house.
I was thankful for a lot of things yesterday, but I'm definitely thankful that I have a small child who can climb in windows and retrieve my keys...
