Many people do not know why they blog. Or more suitably put, they rather not admit to it.

Some people blog because it was the next newest thing in town that they happened to lay their hands on. Some blog because every other person they know seem to be doing it and they don't want to be different. Some blog simply because they crave the attention they might possibly get. Well, if they are lucky enough.

I blog because I hunger for an outlet to vent my bottled-up feelings. Of late, I have been alternating between extreme anger and depression. One minute I would be so tensed up and quick to snap at the nearest thing within range, and the next I would be writhing in agony, battling with relentless waves of helplessness.

Can anyone help me? "No. I am the only one who can help myself", my inner voice told me. Yet can I help myself? Truth be, I have been trying. And to borrow words from Robbie Williams, I have been trying "to be a better man". Yet have I been successful? Well, from time to time. It's rather comical when I think about it - how I oscillate between anger and sadness with bouts of laughter in between. If I work harder in this area, I might well qualify for the role of a clown at one of those circuses remaining.

It is one hell of a nerve-wrecking experience. Oh, did I mention I had to endure insomnia as well? Every night, I would lie on my bed, trying to sleep. I said "try" because I never did manage to succeed till almost dawn - even those times I thought I was tired enough to slumber like the dead.

So with my eyes closed, I would fight my mental battles. I tried to errect mental barriers against the avalanche of feelings but they crumbled before they even formed. I appealed to God for a respite, yet what answers can I expect when I do not even know his name? I do not even know if there is a God, but this is tale for another time.

I shan't paint greater details for that would not do me any good. As it is, I feel my inner compass swinging sneakily to the depression end already. This post is supposed to help me; I wouldn't continue blogging otherwise.