22 August 2006:
Where does responsibility begins and ends?
A commitment to help a couple in trouble has lasted for more than a year now. I am on leave. But SMSs came. They are again in trouble with each other. One really stressed out. The other deeply in self pity; talking of committing suicide; not the first time!
Should I run after them and seek to 'help' again?
Where is their personal responsibility?
I have spoken to the suicidal partner, either seat down together with your spouse and work through issues; one at a time with a counsellor and others if need be, or there is no point going round blaming others and in circles; doing emotional blackmails.
What if the person really commits suicide?
Who is responsible?
I struggle as a pastor on this. How far, and to what extend am I to be responsible for others?
I agreed to come on board to help, but what if one or both are not willing to follow advice?
My plea is to God to help them, and their kids.
youmylifesong posted on Aug 22, 2006
| views: 254
Comments
-
JollyBeans said on Aug 22, 2006....
Hi pastor, I know what you mean, the guilt if the person really commits suicide. The way to go about in counselling is to check (diplomatically) how they plan to commit suicide. If they have, then it's probably real and not to be triffled with. Or the person may just be using it as a threat to get the attention he or she needs. You are right to suggest that counselling for both of them - i.e. if they are willing. No one can really help if they aren't willing to help themselves.
-
youmylifesong said on Aug 22, 2006....
Thanks JollyBeans.
Got more SMSs, the couple quarrelling yet again. He acting like a kid, reporting to pastor - see what she said. She struggling to act tough to keep the business from going under by taking cutbacks on business staffing and trying to be mum at the same time. It is no wonder she had to be a bossy woman; unfortunately, this has become second nature sometimes.
I hope he comes to sense and set appointment to be counselled together, not talk to everybody else.
Wife praying - only a year old Christian; was suicidal herself before coming to church. Used to go to temples. Now better but still need assurance and guidance. Good thing is she listens to reason.
-
mintan said on Aug 22, 2006....
Focus them on Jesus is what you can help them to do...How God loves them to send Jesus to die for them...
Bring them out of self-condemnation..knowing that Jesus' works on the cross have already took all of that as well.. Rely on the grace of God and know that He is way above all problems and nothing is too difficult for Him to handle..
Build a relationship with God.. coming to a realisation of Christianity is not about all the rituals of going to church, reading the bible, being holy.. but really focusing on the love of Christ for them and how God is with them in their everyday lives..
Pray like their problems have already been overcome.. cos the battle belongs to the Lord and victory is already theirs to claim for what was done 2000 years ago on the cross..
Continue to give thanks for everything that the Lord has already brought them through, knowing that all things shall come to pass and their rainbow day is theirs to claim!
Make Christ REAL in their lives!
-
youmylifesong said on Aug 22, 2006....
Thanks Mintan. The problem is the husband. He is more concern with money making. Blames the wife. Makes huge errors in judgement; company in debt, income tax after him, and have his wife bail him out, yet refuses to change his expansive ventures to seek to be a millionnaire, venturing overseas. Because the wife has to help out in the office work, he is forced to help out in the children schooling. He is not happy that he cannot be free to do business freely, because family commitment cramps his style. Yet he claims that he has been very quiet about his unhappiness that his wife bosses him around. Earlier he had according to the wife beaten her, and the wife had gone into suicidal depression. He claims he only threatened her. He had left the house saying the wife chased him out, which the wife admitted to as out of frustration with him. He returned because his wife was diagnosed as possibly having cancer. God is still not yet real to him. The wife has an ongoing real relationship with Jesus.
I suspect the root problem is deep down in the generation and early childhood, and probably demonic control. The wife had undergone deliverance, but not the husband. Maybe that is why he is resistant to coming into church each time his family came. He would sleep it out in the car nearby.
-
mintan said on Aug 23, 2006....
Hi youmylifesong
Glad to hear that the wife is already getting to know Jesus in her own intimate way.. i have a similar family situation.. even though it's not so much of debts and burdens, but there are a lot of emotional baggages that is hard to let go..
That is why unequally yoke marriages are difficult, not just on the couple, but on the children as well.. but i know that God will have His timing in everything and this shall come to pass..
I'm very sure that ONE DAY in GOD's own Perfect Timing, the husband will come to know the Lord and be gloriously saved! In the meantime, do ask the wife to hang on there.. cos she is already standing on victorious ground and she has the RIGHTS to claim her victory through Christ Jesus in every single cirmcumstances!
-
youmylifesong said on Aug 23, 2006....
That's right Mintan! She is trying very hard in spite of.
I know God makes all things beautiful in His time.
We are supporting and praying from victory in Christ.
Hallelujah!
That is why sometimes I do not react as before where I spent sometimes hours on the phone, and past midnight, till I had to put a stop to midnight calls because it was disturbing my family rest time as well.
God is our strength and our fortress.
Psalm 91
-
youmylifesong said on Aug 31, 2006....
31 August 2006:
Yesterday the couple had a very big quarrel. After much phone counselling and prayer the situation came to a calm.
But today, the wife's emotions went flipping. Today is also their son's birthday.
The husband called me concern about his wife. He said that the devil is manipulating his wife. The wife had in fact said that he had the devil. I offered to schedule a time for both of them to undergo deliverance prayers and counselling but he is still not willing.
The wife could not trust him, and could not overcome the emotional hurts. So she dropped off her children at the church. We were having a celebration in the church.
The husband came to the church upon my invitation that he should be there for his son's celebration since the wife will not be there. He came late, but the son was happy.
May God bring wholeness to this family.