I'm glad that I handed my sleeping pills to my ex-therapist a few months back. She took them to the CSU. Anyway, now I have to find a way to survive against the odds. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I fear. I need to piss all of my enemies off by living through my personal hell. I'm scared. I can admit that. Most people don't want to be homeless. I truly hope that doesn't come about. If it does, it can only make me stronger and more experienced with the ways of this world. I would have to survive in order to one day rise above that homelessness. I have to prepare for the worst, even if it never happens. I don't trust my mother's judgement anymore from what she has been telling me. I can only hope and pray that we make it through this. Perhaps I should do a reversing spell or something. This would cause all of the negativity that has been sent to us out of jealousy and shit to return to sender. That includes more than the lady mentioned in the post before this one. I don't know exactly. I recall being ridiculed and punished by coworkers for doing reversing spells. They shouldn't have even known that I did them. I was up in New Jersey when I did the ones I did before they started on me. Why is all of this bad shit happening to me? How are these people finding out what I have done without me telling them? I know that they aren't all computer wizards. Who the hell is telling all of these people what I do? Why have I been tormented more than most everyone else in this country? I'm just another woman who once had the same dreams as any other woman. I used to want to get married and have kids. Then after being hurt and seeing my own temper, I decided against both. Is that reason to be punished? Why did that one bitch come into my job saying that she didn't want to see me reproduce. Why was she sticking up for one of the turds that used to beat me up? I said that about him first. I didn't even know the fucking cunt. It's like they are all sticking up for that one guy and a rock star that I used to be wild about. Why is that? I'm not a bad person. Most of the people that came into my old job harassing me were black strangers. Most of them were women too. Were they that fucking jealous of my once skinny white ass having the potential to steal their men away from them that they had to fuck with me on the job? I don't understand why they were fucking with me. I didn't even know any of them. What are they, a fucking Ed harem? Oh wait, maybe they are wannabe bitches that get their asses beat and spat on by him. Yep. I get it now. I was mad when I said it and didn't deserve to be punished for it. I know that they all want me to die. That's clear. I don't fucking care what them stupid assed hos want. I think that they need to die. Since I don't like jail, I'll continue doing spells despite what all of these bully ass control freaks want. I ain't tolerating their shit anymore. They're all going to be sorry.
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Comments
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hellboundmercinary said on Nov 23, 2008....
Oh, when I refer to the name "ED" I refer to a guy I once was nuts over in Jersey. -
lionesss said on Nov 23, 2008....
awwww, im so sorry you have had a really bad time and have been thru the evils of bulling by small minded people,i must say that you are very brave and strong willed person, to give back your sleeping pills wen you are struggling is a enormous stride a big step forward''pat on the back for you''you seem to be getting peoples back up by rising above their crap and making a good life for yourself and they hate that fact ,that maybe one day you will suceed and be sucessful, as that is the best form of revenge, going to jail is not going to get you anywere, be strong and show em you can suceed in your dreams,, :)X -
hellboundmercinary said on Nov 27, 2008....
Thank you for your kind support lionesss. I'm doing my best to rise above this. I will admit to wanting to do a reversing spell to send the negativity back to them. Even if it doesn't work, at least I will have released that energy. I think it will work. I've had things come back on me. I know that I'm not the only one in this world that has. Perhaps it needs to be released by the victim in order for it to go back to sender. The only thing is that right now I notice that the guys who beat me up are doing alot better than I am materially. I know they say that it shouldn't matter, but it does. Why does the victim have to stay down? Does the victim have to stay down because they are cookoo? Will the victim one day have relief from the memories that plague her long enough to put them behind and succeed? Those are good questions. I'm sure that only a professional knows for sure. Thank you again for your support. I guess I can say that I might be doing better than them spiritually. Then again, I'm not sure. -
lionesss said on Nov 27, 2008....
Hbm.....hiya sweetie how are you, have been coping ok, everyone wants to be better than every1 else thats just life, but it seems to me that what you are doin is exactly the ryt thing and your not hitting back and thats wot they are expecting,if you have alot of negative energy then dnt you think your wastin it by giving it to the bullies wen you can turn it in to a real positve if you put your mind to it, something that will go in your favour and benifit you,bullies like to see thier victims down because they are cowards and hate to see them doing beta than they are,themselves the best a victim can do is seek help to deal with the past get better mentally,thats wen all the work begins by working with a therapist to learn to release your horrible memories that plague you and wen it is finnally in a place of bein able to deal with it thats wen you no its behinde you and you can then move on to be a sucess in all you desire, keep all your plans and talks private between you and your therapist, make sure your happy with them b4 moving forward, you have taken the 1st step and thats the biggest 1, you can beat this , like i know you want to,.. big {{{{{{{{{{{{hugs)))))))))))))).. pm me anytime x -
hellboundmercinary said on Nov 29, 2008....
Thank you lionesss. I'm doing my best here. I changed therapists because my last one was an ass and totally unprofessional. She took what I told her and made me feel like shit, especially the last time I talked to her. Oh well. This new one seems much more sensitive to my feelings.
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