The magic thousand and fifty incorporeal spirits who constantly blab to spirit mediums and ouija boards insist there are 7 types of us, 7 types of people in the world, and I'm still coming to grips with defining the types.

I'm usually pretty decent at this sort of thing, so bear with me. No I didn't say bare with me. You can keep your clothes on.

Let's start at the top of the pyramid, at those they call Kings. We don't have that many Kings in the world. There's no need. We need more Indians than Kings. But we do have a handful of them. I know. My younger daughter has got to be one. God is she bossy. Sweet but bossy. She gives her mother assignments to do for her. You should see her with her boyfriend, making him mop the floors, rake the leaves, drive her here and there, go out to get her breakfast. He's her server, she's his King, or in this instance Queen. I believe it.

King is a male word, so maybe the word should be changed to Royals. But we'll stick with Kings because that's the word they use, these thousand and fifty blabby incorporeal spirits and their mediums and ouija boardists.

Kings, therefore, are bossy. They "delegate". No, they don't delegate authority. They Are authority. They delegate tasks to do. They delegate that you will do the gruntwork, and they keep for themselves the prerogative to determine what you'll do next. The buck stops there, at the King's desk, so they have the right to order you around.

The guy I work for, Marvin, is another King. He doesn't get his hands dirty with day to day matters, generally, unless a client personally involves him, which isn't too common. He delegates. And he is obeyed. He's a little guy, like Napoleon. People watch what they say around him, and to him. He doesn't really command loyalty in the sense of people liking him, but he commands obedience.

Typical employee grumbles about him, some unpleasant thing he once said or did, but then when he passes by, they smile to him. You know the drill.

Naturally me, being the anti-asskisser, I don't smile to him. I only acknowledge his presence if he acknowledges mine first. That's just me. But if he's friendly, I'm friendly. I don't walk around with a chip on my shoulder. See, these are the kind of reactions inspired by a King. King Marvin.

I remember the first Christmas party I attended in this company. Everyone was in an Italian restaurant milling around, taking little bites of stuff from the buffet before the meal started. King Marvin then told everyone to take their seats for the meal. I couldn't believe what I next observed. It was like a game of musical chairs. All the chairs were taken, an ass in every one. There was a mad rush to obey the King. I was standing there, maybe taking one last little bite full of eggplant parm or something, and all of a sudden I was the only person standing. I thought what have I gotten myself into, a room full of robots?

Last Friday we had a meeting, and the person leading the meeting said that King Marvin decreed that from now on, the rules of each pension plan will Not be printed up and placed in every client's folder, but instead will be on a cd that we can pop into the computer if we ever need to refer to it.

Have you ever done research by computer, moving around through the pages on screen? Have you ever done research using actual paper, as in .... what do they call it ... a "book"? Do you know which way is easier and more practical? Duh. Having things written out for you is one hell of a lot easier than fucking around with 50 pages on a cd on your computer screen.

Actually I never heard of anything so stupid as Not printing out the rules of every plan. So I said "Marvin is wrong, we need the rules printed out for each client as we've always done."

The company really reacted to my first three words. Apparently I just insulted God Creator Of The Universe. Even though it is a very conservative group that resists all kinds of change, even though every single person in the room agreed with what I said 100% and couldn't imagine doing our job without the rules in front of us on paper to shuffle through, the reaction to kiss Marvin's ass was stronger than the reaction to preserve the efficient way we work, in favor of something utterly foolish. I heard murmurs all over the room making light fun of me, sort of like "The king has spoken", though it wasn't exactly that, but that kind of thing. They couldn't believe that I had offered a negative opinion on what God had decreed.

It even carried over into my next comment. Maureen asked a question concerning Item 27 on the checklist, and I said she should look at Item 59, and people in the room snickered, still about the Marvin is wrong comment, like "we're only up to Item 27 so why is he moving to Item 59". Then Maureen realized that Item 59 answered her question about Item 27, and that I had given her exactly what she needed, and she thanked me. That ended the derision, which was never really nasty anyway, just light fun. Yet I felt a group respect descend on me. This guy knows what he's talking about, kind of thing. We have a lot of new employees now, and they notice me speaking up and taking charge to an appropriate degree.

All of which illustrates authoritarianism, and the fact that it is granted by the populace, a populace of people used to knuckling under to authority, and the person at the top of the authority pyramid is the King. We're talking about the 7 types of people in the world, and one of those types is a natural born authority figure, a King, and this King inspires respect and obedience. No, not me. I'm not a King.

A famous example of a King is Katharine Hepburn. Can you imagine being fresh to her? Can you imagine being less than perfectly respectful to her? Do you see how she'd make you stand up straight and toe the line? She's born with this power to make others respect and even obey her. She's the one you don't ever screw with. I'm sure you know some Kings in your life. They are far less than 1 out of every 7 people. There aren't many of them, but they make their presence felt. So much for Kings. You get the point.