One particular guy has my mind wandering lately.  Around 2002-2003 this guy stood in the Walgreens parking lot staring at me as I walked out in a bad mood.  He looked very nervous or even frightened.  He definetely could have passed for that man that I wonder if I am still in love with or not.  There have been alot of guys that remind me of that man.  Anyway, the one particular one at Walgreens was absolutely precious.  I should have said hello to him.  Maybe that would have put him at ease a little bit.  Instead I was so bitchy that I was thinking "What the fuck is this asshole looking at?"  Now I'm kicking myself.  I'll probably never see his adorable face again.  I can so beautifully picture myself snuggling with him now.  I guess it's too late.  I'm in another state.  I'm not in New Jersey anymore.  Awwhh...........I was an asshole.  That probably was the guy that all of these men remind me of.  I say that because I was an asshole.  I always end up being an asshole to confusing guy that used to beat me up when we were teens.  He's the only one that I am confused about.  I haven't seen him since I was 14 that I know of, so that's why.  The other guys I have pictures of and have seen more recently.  I think that I need to find out what that man looks like now, so I'm not confused anymore.  The only things are that he is married, and I don't want to continue to be a stalker.  I had stopped that shit.  If I show up near his house that's what I would look like.  Mentally, I need to see him, yet don't need the rejection that would come with it.  Somehow I have to get that guy out of my head.  I would love to know if he is the one particular guy in the Walgreens parking lot that was freaked out while taking me in with his eyes.  I don't want to hurt that man.  He looked absolutely like a sweet angel.  I hope that he stays safe and sound.  I also hope that he gets over his fear, whatever it was or is.  I don't want to hurt him, even if, by some miracle, I saw him on my next venture up to New Jersey.  I should have walked up to him with a smile.  Instead I kept a distance with a big sour assed look on my face that I could feel.  I must have been really hating the whole man concept.  Now I'm not.  I love to love, still safely from a distance.  That's what I guess I'll do.  Boy is it a distance.