• Lucytorial said on Nov 21, 2008....

  Absolutely CW ~ Anti depressents can be perfect when the person needing them already knows what needs to change, wants to change their way of thinking.
   
  That lightness of mood would sure be a sight for a sore soul huh? I'm glad its helping, with all of your efforts maybe you will see that you are doing extrordinarily good.

• CreativeWoman said on Nov 21, 2008....

  Thank you, Lucy.  Maybe I will finally stop kicking myself in the butt for every little thing that happens and enjoy myself a little more.
  
  CW 

• Lucytorial said on Nov 21, 2008....

  yes, hopefully focus on the good stuff that we all tend to forget.  You aren't the only one who does that.

• evil_twin said on Nov 21, 2008....

  I'm so glad the medication is helping you! I was a lot like you in that I never wanted to admit what I thought was was defeat, by taking medicine. I felt like I should have been able to do it all on my own. But sometimes you really can't do that. And I'm so glad I decided to give medication another shot too, because it's worked wonders for me. And I'm really glad you're seeing the difference too :-)
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• wombat said on Nov 21, 2008....

  Just wanted to say I am glad you are feeling better and that it's working for you.  I have always had this "fear" of anti-depressants for some reason, but I am learning alot from reading things exactly like this post.  There may just come a time when I have a talk with a doctor about it, and when I do, I will feel less scared now.  Wishing you continued better days!

• woman said on Nov 21, 2008....

  I'm happy for you CW. Depression isn't a big problem for me and I truly believe that is just genetics. My husband and his family struggle with it and one of my daughters has problems with it too. They take medication now and it helps. OH. CW. I was on byetta for about 5 months and IT caused me to be depressed. Went for counseling even. Stopped the byetta because it was making me deathly ill and WHAM. cheerful woman again. People were passing me in the hall and saying "welcome back'! Anyway, my point was depression is real and if the drugs help, take them. Life is short. And keep smiling!!

• queenparanoia said on Nov 22, 2008....

  :-)

  well as long as you feel okay... then that's okay cw... ;-)

• CreativeWoman said on Nov 22, 2008....

  Lucy,
  That's very true.
  
  et,
  Thank you. That's exactly how I've felt.  I was pretty stubborn about not wanting to be on the medicine, but like you said, it's turning out to be a good thing for me.
  
  wombat,
  I was afraid too.  I'm amazed at how much better I feel now that I've given the medicine a chance.
  
  woman,
  Well, I'm glad you got off that then.  I'm glad that stopped the depression.  You are right about life being short.  I want to actually FEEL joy and now maybe I think I can.
  
  queen,
  Thanks :-)
  
  CW
  

• Hegemone said on Nov 22, 2008....

  CW, I'm truly happy for you.  I'm glad that you've found something that's working for you and you are feeling better and that you are happier.  I'll keep an eye out for some more of those 'For-No-Reason' smiles!

• Alyss said on Nov 23, 2008....

  I am glad things are looking and feeling brighter CW.

• Michelly1990 said on Nov 24, 2008....

  After reading this post, I'm wondering if you can help me.  I'm 18 years old, a new freshman in college and suffering from depression that no one knows about.  I hide it by hiding in my dorm room for days on end, cutting off contact with everyone if possible.  I've never spoken to my parents about it, and wouldn't even know how to approach them about it.  I can't make myself seek help, I keep telling myself that it's something I need to work through on my own and pushing it aside.  My boyfriend finally confronted me about it and told me that I needed to get some help.  Hearing it from him made it a reality, and I really think I need help.  Who do I talk to?  How do I ask my doctor? When do I do it?  Any advice you have for me would be welcomed with open arms.

• CreativeWoman said on Nov 25, 2008....

  Hegemone,
  I hope I have more of those smiles too.
  
  Alyss,
  Thank you.  I am amazed at how much it seems to be helping.
  
  Michelly,
  I know exactly what you mean by thinking you can work through it on your own.  I've tried to do that for years and I honestly have not succeeded.  I have been good at hiding it, but that's about it.
  
  I went to my family doctor and told him of my overwhelming sadness, waves of anxiety and general feeling of being overwhelmed...which all are symptoms of depression.  I was very honest about how I was feeling.
  
  If you are like me, you probably even have anxiety about going to the doctor.  I suggest you go sooner than later though.  You will be amazed how much better you are going to feel after you get some medication to help you.  I wish I had agreed to it sooner.
  
  I will pm you with this same comment to be sure you see it along with information on what I was prescribed.
  
  Some medicine will help you to feel alive.  It's worth it, hun.  That initial fear of asking for help from your doctor and/or parents is far outweighed by the from the relief you are going to be feeling.
  
  Go to your doctor soon.  It's worth it.
  
  My best to you.
  
  CW
  

• andora said on Nov 25, 2008....

  aloha CW congratulations for making it over the blues hump
  
  chemistry is a very troubling issue for young and old alike, as our college student reported above
  
  "it is not a sign of good health to be well adjusted to a sick society"
  
  depression is a healthy response to what is going on around us today...in the past, the emotions you describe were the very impetus that created ACTIVISM. All countries around the world need the populace to respond to their discomfort by creating new solutions. but, now we are taught to believe that these issues do not need our attention, we should just go shopping instead. What do we do when shopping does not address the fundamental problems.
  
  I am sad to see the masses turn to synthetic drugs as a way of remaining compliant and supportive of a broken system that creates human garbage. With the world going broke, it is normal for a college student to be depressed about their prospects, especially if they are deeply in debt for attending!
  

• andora said on Nov 25, 2008....

  we have 60 neuropeptides that chemically produce emotional response to what it is that we believe about ourselves and the world at large
  
  to the young people reading this, drug addiction is not a solution to our personal and societal problems. just bc a doctor put a person on anti-depressants does not mean that it is helpful in the long term and equally, just because a doctor puts a person on insulin does not mean this is the healthiest way of addressing diabetes - I am not criticizing you CW, I am trying to show that there are other solutions. I know this first hand bc I know people that were able to bring their blood sugar into healthy limits...if you are interested, i will post these solutions.
  
  the more you mask your authentic emotional response to life, the less you will be you...if you do not like being you, then by all means drug the monkey!
  
  of course this is easy for me to say bc i'm a drug addict too...I have a license to smoke and grow marijuana - my doctor told me to smoke all day everyday - that doesn't mean that i agree with him...i do not recommend this either.
  
  My emotional imbalance is something that continues to improve simply because I changed the ideas that were creating my perpetual discomfort and became an activist at the local political level to save our watershed...this is what i am shooting for, balance and a sense of usefulness.
  
  www.pangasm.org is a thesis about the role of our emotional body in creating our reality. Many elders have given up on physical, mental and emotional balance bc they are invested in death. A Word to the youth...investing in life is much more gratifying.
  
  
  

• andora said on Nov 25, 2008....

  An FDA advisory panel on Wednesday voted 6-2 in favor of updating black box warnings on antidepressants to state that there is an increased suicide risk for young adults up to age 25, the New York Times reports (Carey, New York Times, 12/13). According to FDA's review, for every 1,000 young adults ages 18 to 24 who are given the drugs, about four will act on suicidal thoughts who otherwise would not have done so. The review found that the drugs did not increase the risk of suicide in adults ages 25 to 65 and that they significantly lowered the risk of suicide in people older than 65. Antidepressants since 2004 have carried a black box warning about an increased risk of suicidal thoughts and actions in children and adolescents (New York Times, 12/13). FDA proposed adding new warnings about suicide risk in young adults, which the advisory panel has now endorsed. The advisory panel "also encouraged the FDA to add language to the black box about the importance of treating depression in hopes that the addition of new warnings won't cause doctors to limit the antidepressant prescriptions," the Journal reports (Wall Street Journal, 12/14).

• CreativeWoman said on Nov 25, 2008....

  andora,
  Unless you have suffered from depression yourself, you have no idea about the emotional pain it causes and how it keeps you from being your true self.
  
  My blood sugar is under control.  Anxiety does affect that control though.  Again, unless you are diabetic, you wouldn't understand.
  
  I tried many different routes before I turned to my doctor for help.  I would never discourage anyone from doing the same.
  
  Those side effects you mentioned are not common, but my doctor did explain them to me.  A good doctor does not just turn you loose with a prescription.  You go back for follow up.
  
  CW
  

• andora said on Nov 25, 2008....

  yes CW I am one of the many that has suffered from depression and anxiety...the reasons i was depressed is what needed attention. Aging and debilitation is depressing after all. Anyone that is paying attention to reality is probably depressed and anxious in today's world. Toying with our chemistry as a way of not noticing reality is pandemic...have at it. Although, I get nervous when people our age suggest anti-depressants to otherwise normal and healthy youth.
  
  Suggesting that depression is a disease that can only be treated with synthetic drugs is denial. Especially since they harm our kidneys and liver. When the 4th leading cause of death in the US is from medical mistakes, your trust in docs who are trained by drug co's to dispense their drugs is misplaced. Have you noticed all of the class action suits against these untested drugs that are being given out like candy? maybe you don't care, but, as a mother of a college student, I care about the young lady that is considering drugs as a solution.
  
  My doctor told me i would develop diabetes if i did not change my lifestyle. This is adult onset diabetes...I changed my diet but I still have serious bouts of hypoglycemia, so I know what I am talking about when I mention solutions other than insulin. Most people do not want solutions to their diseases, they just fall into the "drug themselves to death more rapidly category of hopelessness" than if they were pro-active about a healthy lifestyle - i guess having a good disposition is more important to you than your kidneys.
  
  It has been PROVEN that exercise and diet can check adult onset diabetes. Albeit for me to suggest anything that is pro-life, albeit for me to care about anything that you do, but when a college student stops by for some advice from a creative woman, who is not so creative when it comes to her own health...then i see the merit in speaking up.

• CreativeWoman said on Nov 25, 2008....

  andora,
  You are entitled to your opinion. 
  
  If you would read my past posts you would know that my ultimate goal is to be off ALL prescription medications.  I'm not there yet.
  
  As far as encouraging someone who asked for my help goes, I was honest with my experience.  Seeing a doctor is a good first step.  He may recommend something other than medication.  That's not for me to say.
  
  You have a very judgmental and insulting tone which I don't appreciate on my blog.  I have asked you before to stop with the personal attacks regarding other people on my blog.  Now you've started with me.  I told you I would only ask nicely once.  Consider yourself blocked.
  
  CW
  

• mauiaurora said on Nov 26, 2008....

  What I would suggest to someone who's depressed, or feeling anything that doesn't feel good, is to be with it, accept it, and feel it. Only in this way will it heal. Calling the emotions a "chemical imbalance" and medicating yourself will only suppress the emotions that need to heal, causing further imbalance, and on top of the original pain you will have more pain--pain in the body, which has to deal with the residue of the medication, and pain in the emotional body, which is being further denied.
  It's no fun to accept the depressing feelings, and we tend to have fear that if we go into the emotions, we won't be able to get out, and we'll just get more depressed. But actually the opposite is true--only by going into them can we get out of them. Only by accepting and feeling them can we heal them and transform them. If these emotions have acceptance from us, they can gradually heal. These feelings have a message for you! Feelings of depression from the emotional body are giving you a message. Something in your life needs to change. Something in you needs to change.
  Our society, our world, denies the emotions, and that's one of the biggest reasons we're in the place of sickness and imbalance we're in today. Now we're told (and believing) that emotions are "chemical imbalances" and "diseases" that can be healed through medication. This is not true. People may get certain temporary relief from symptoms, but it's never lasting or permanent, and more importantly, the root cause is not healed--it's just ignored, and grows more imbalanced. And, sure, there's a chemical imbalance, but (as Andora pointed out), this is a symptom of the emotional imbalance, not the cause of the emotion!!!)
  If you listen to your emotions, they will lead you to the place that will eventually bring you true happiness. If you're depressed, some part of you is calling for a change.
  
  I have been working through this issue for many years. My father was a therapist throughout my childhood, treating people with "chemical imbalances", as it's been termed. When I was a teenager, he was "diagnosed" with "manic depression" and placed on medication. His life began to go downhill at that point. Never did the medication actually cure him or create anything except greater imbalance. Although it was adjusted many times. And he always had awful side effects. Including, most devastatingly, the loss of his mind, and finally his life, this last May. (An air bubble in his lung, as a result of one of the medications, killed him). My father was the most loving, gentle, kind-hearted person, and it's a tragedy that this happened to him. I encouraged him for years to get off the meds and try the path of emotional acceptance that I've been on (and Andora, and others)...but this was what he was comfortable with.
  The most concise information that I've found to date on this path of emotional healing is Andora's book, Pangasm for Infidels. If you are interested in the original source of the information we discovered 9 years ago, you can ask me and I'll send you a personal message.
  

• dyingman said on Nov 27, 2008....

  I can't tell you how pleased I am for you.  I have had a brush with a loved one's depression and saw what medication can do.
  
  That relationship that is so strained.  You may not want to hear this but it is exceptionally difficult to maintain such a bond when the person who is supposed to care about you gets almost NO validation for his or her efforts.  And as much as you may think you were giving BACK, it's possible you weren't.  You may want to take on the relationship with a fresh slate and pour more into it than you think is fair for a little while.  He may have been getting so little appreciation for any effort he puts in that he has mentally given up.  Break through that by overdoing for a while.  If he's still blase after a month  (yes, a full month.), you may once again consider the possibility that it isn't you and never has been.
  
  Please don't take it personally.  I have just seen what depression does to people's brains.  You aren't the same person you were and therefore, the relationship is a new one, as odd as that sounds. 
  
  Lastly, if the blues and anxiety start to return and don't go away after a week or so (a week can just be the standard, ordinary blues mauiaurora mentions above, though I vehemently disagree that chemical balances don't exist.  Your description of smiling for no reason when you never did before is not some psychological trick.  That was biology and medicine.), start to consider switching medication.  Not all anti-depressants work in the same way and a switch may bring relief again if the current medication stops working.  Again, I've seen it with my own eyes.
  
  *DM
  

• dyingman said on Nov 27, 2008....

  Note to Andora,
  
  I used to be like you.  Depression is a mental state you need to address and attack.
  
  Depression isn't sadness.  It is a sapping of the will.  It is a malaise that all effort will be met with failure.  A lack of confidence in one's own ability to change one's situation.  With such a mindset, addressing any problems isn't possible and furthermore, debilitation is not the cause of profound sadness.
  
  Mental retardation is not fixed by studying harder.  Epileptic seizures are not fixed by practicing exercising control over one's muscles.  Parkinson's disease is not fixed by concentration in steadying one's limbs.  Why is it impossible to grasp the possibility that brain physiology produces emotional symptoms?
  
  In a single day, a depressed person can go from contented and jovial to furious and tearful because the medication was forgotten that morning.  No problems occur in the space of an hour that can radically alter a person's world outlook.  Missing the medication DOES.  I am a believer in bootstraps and anti-depressants are a bad idea for temporary sadness especially that which can be attributed to a recognized loss or cause of concern.  Depression is, by its very nature, groundless.  It is an unexplained despair that one's life is absolute manure even in the absence of ordinary troubles.
  
  A this point I'd also like to tell depressed people who find that the medicine offers the same transformation CW experienced...  do NOT kid yourself that you will wean yourself.  You can try.  You may even succeed (and WTG if you do), but making this medicine a source of private shame jeopardizes not just your entitlement to joy in life but the joy others take in your happiness.  Prideful embrace of grumpy, slothful, self-loathing is a woeful punsihment inflicted not just on yourself but those around you. 
  
  If we could instill clinical depression in prison inmates for a year or so, I wonder if we might have the perfect cure for recidivism.  It would also violate the Constitutional right to be free from cruel and unusual punishment. 
  
  I feel confident that those criticising ALL use of anti-depressants (many pills are prescribe irresponsibly) have not personally experienced a clinically depressed person.  It is a singular, fascinating, perplexing horror.
  

• CreativeWoman said on Nov 30, 2008....

  Maui,
  I know how I felt when I was "feeling" the depression and trying to heal it on my own. It wasn't working.  I was only feeling worse and worse.  Being on medication for it is comparable to a light switch being flipped.  It's quite remarkable.
  
  If a different approach works for you, then more power to you.
  
  
  CW
  

• CreativeWoman said on Nov 30, 2008....

  DM,
  Thank you.  I do feel like a new person as the days add up that I've been on the antidepressant.  I'm having days free from anxiety and I must tell you that is an uncommon feeling for me, but welcomed.
  
  I understand what you are saying about the depression and my relationship.  I guess time will tell if it makes a true difference in the course of things.
  
  I agree that being on medication for depression should not be a source of shame.  I resisted it for a long time because of that.  Now I'm very glad that I relented.
  
  My outlook feels so much lighter.
  
  CW
  

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