Ok I wanted to go through my conversations, my blog, my messages first and then post this, but I'm a little agitated right now.  I'm assuming Star is online right now, or perhaps it was SoulCast lurking around that took care of it, who knows.  Star posted an innocent blog about a particularly amusing sexual encounter she had recently, nothing wrong with it; she said she was laughing about it; she was light hearted about it!  Then this jerkwad comes up and gets all ignorant.  I'm not going to post what I WANTED to post to him (by the time I finished my comment to that person the post had been deleted), but I will say this.

I am tired of people with the 'Holier than Thou' attitude.  They were not involved, there was no need to come off so rude and yet they have to do it anyway.  They call a person names and say ugly things about them, and as I've seen it, when that happens without provocation, it's because they easily feel that way about themselves so they've got to cling to something that won't make them feel alone.  If they can hurt somebody else then they won't be hurting for themselves.  Now here's the REALLY sad part, there is SO much time taken to do this online.  People out for blood on the internet ... have you nothing better to do than come online and insult people?  Is that how gutless you really are, you can hide behind a computer screen?  It's the fricken' internet!  I waste no time getting upset at people on here, no matter what you say.  But if I don't agree with it I will readily tell you, but I'm not going to call somebody nasty names, as that's just grade school behavior.  These kinds of things just bother me, A LOT. 

Now, moving on to other things, I've been up since seven fifteen.  At about seven thirty I got a call from my boss, who is nice and sick with flu-like symptoms, and she said I could either stay home or go in.  Well, I knew there wasn't a lot to do ... so, being that it's our anniversary I stayed home.  I just came home a bit ago to thaw back out, as we've been outside since around 8am.  Had to go over early and check on my horse, let her out, feed her, clean her stall, etc.  Had to take care of the dogs, which were kept in the house overnight.  Plus plenty of other farm things to do, and working on my husband's truck.  He's wearing a couple of more layers than I am so he chose to stay out a little longer and finish things up.  3 and a half hours was plenty of time for me to be out in twenty degree F weather, thank you very much.

So here are the two things I have been keeping in the back of my mind, meant for blogging.  First, you know, I was thinking while I was cleaning my horse's stall.  I really missed that.  I went from doing it every day in high school (I was really close with my friend who got me back into horses and riding and everything, so I'd help her clean stalls and stuff) to not doing it EVER.  I finally got the shed out in the pasture cleaned up enough that I wanted it to stay that way last year.  I cleaned it out, took the concrete blocks out of it, got it scraped out, leveled out, dangerous stuff cleaned up, then I put sawdust down and put a round bale of hay in it.  Now I clean it regularly (well, when she's in it).  Over the summer I didn't have to clean it because I had her locked out of it, due to the cattle being here (they would have ruined everything I'd done by turning it into a sloppy, sludgy mess).  Now that there are no cattle I've left it open for her to roam freely in and out of as needed (unless, like last night, it's too cold and I have to just close her up in it).  So I have to still clean it somewhat regularly even when she's not closed in it, because I am convinced she thinks that it's her personal bathroom.  Even though she's got at least like 5 acres more to go out into, she chooses to go in that dang stall!  Oh well though, I just so enjoy being able to do that again.  I really missed it.  It's hard to describe why, as I'm sure it sounds weird to say 'I miss being able to shovel shit!'  lol 

I guess it's just because I've loved horses all of my life.  I used to want one SOOOO bad but knew that I'd never get one in a million years.  My parents never could've afforded that for me, and I never imagined I'd do it on my own (not sure why though).  Once I got in to being friends with my horsey friend though, that all changed.  I started getting more comfortable with horses, riding every day, jumping, trail riding, training, etc.  Then I started spotting out horses that I'd love to have.  One day we were out riding in the arena and the barn owner had just brought back three mares after they foaled.  One particular little shit kept following me (their paddock was adjoined to the arena).  She kept watching me, and I was watching her.  I'd talk to her and she'd get all excited, shake her head and prance around.  That was the very first time I laid eyes on my big idiot.  She was so little, cute, rambunctious and just a sweetheart.  We got done riding and I went over to the fence and gave her a little scratch under the chin.  She streeetched her neck up and out and you just see her eyes droop closed slowly.  At that point, I looked at my horsey friend and said 'This is the one.'  Mind you, here were my original requirements for a horse once I had decided to actively look:

Gelding (male horse, "neutered" {actually for horses it's called 'gelded'}for those non-equine savvy readers)
Color ranging from a bloody bay to a chocolate brown
10 years old
Trained & Broke
100% Quarter Horse

This is what I actually chose:
Filly (female foal, turns into a mare, i.e. female horse)
Chestnut (bronzy, brownish in the winter, coppery in the summer, glints of red)
4 months old
COMPLETELY UNTRAINED OR BROKE
Appendix (50% Quarter Horse 50% Thoroughbred)

Not exactly what I was looking for, but she's what stole my heart.  I like to think I picked her, but she picked me, she STOLE me, lol.  Little shit.  I worked my ass off for her too.  I did not pay a dollar in cash for her.  I worked at that barn, cleaning stalls, washing buckets, feeding and watering, exercising other horses, helping tack up other horses, cleaning tack, basically any little thing I could find to do to get "paid" for, as an hourly rate was set, or depending on the task, a dollar amount was set.  $7 an hour for the stall cleaning, exercising, tacking kind of stuff.  $30 for each saddle cleaned, $15 for each bridle, various for each other thing.  4 months it took me, but I don't regret it one bit.  I KNOW I earned that horse with my own sweat and grit.  I truly feel I earned her.  Now here it is, she's going to be six in March.  I'm back to cleaning a stall, she's taken great care of, she's got manners (she doesn't use them all the time, but a quick stern holler of her name takes care of that), she's not broke (my accident prone little bitch gets hurt once a year on something or another ... I swear she knows when to do it too) but I love her all the same.  Also unfortunately, they have all been long term healing wounds.  Split her nose wide open first year, almost broke it the next year, lost about 70% sight in one eye the following year, got an abscessed hoof the fourth year and that required LOTS of time to grow back as the vet had to cut a lot of the hoof away, and then I've gotten screwed this last year as the damn cattle were too horrible to be in with.  Keeping my fingers crossed for this year!

Ok, so moving on from that because I could keep rambling about my horse forever.  Next thing, my GD brother in law.  I could kill him and his idiot friends right about now.  Ok, so I think I've mentioned the clubhouse once or twice.  We used one of the partitions (slowly spreading out to the other two, but the one is the main one) and have gradually over time turned it into something pretty neat.  It started out with a bunch of old farm junk that we worked around, made three places to sit and hang out in.  Then we slowly moved that stuff out, either via throwing it away or putting it in a different place and started bringing old crappy furniture in.  Then we got it even more cleared out, where anything that was in there was ours.  Then we got better furniture.  We put walls up, well, my husband and a few other guys put the walls up and they were pretty shitty.  Then we kept getting more stuff, better furniture, TVs, microwaves, radios, etc.  This past year we redid the walls, me, my husband and a couple of our friends.  We took all the old boards down (they had a lot of stupid stuff written on them from my BIL and friends, they were falling apart, they were rotting, they were crooked) and actually measured and cut new boards to fit properly together in there.  We put that all up and it looked really nice.  I mean we went out and bought screws didn't just use some crappy nails that were lying around.  We went and got actual brackets to mount my chalkboard up.  We even installed a heavy duty halogen light with cage up on the ceiling for a light.  Our furniture is all pretty nice, not all tore up.  Its stuff that if we wanted we could take into our own homes and be suitable. We've got a console TV out there (from my aunt, who took awesome care of it, even still has its remote).  I put my old clock radio out there for music.  We got cabinets for storage, mounted some old countertop up in a spot, etc.)  It's a pretty cozy place to be really.  We had it all nice and fixed up.  Completely comfortable to be in.  My brother in law and his stupid ass friends went in there last night and absolutely trashed it.  You would think a civilized person had NEVER been in there.  They trashed it completely.  I about choked when I saw it.  Then they had the heater from the big shed over in there too.  Now, again, I repeat.... this clubhouse is in a partition of an old grainary ... an old USED grainary ... shitloads of corn dust ... high flamable corn dust.  They had this diesel heater in there, which runs with a pretty good flame, in there all night.  They could have caught the place on fire and burned it up.  There is SO much stuff in there that is of SO much value.  An old Studebaker to name one thing, I think if the fire wouldn't have killed my BIL, his father would've if that burned.  Not to mention a lot of my stuff is in there (not clubhouse property, just being stored in there), a good half or more of my horse's things are in there, including her expensive ass winter blanket.  My mom's things are in there.  Old jugs are in there, as in, like the old timey jugs used for making moonshine, or preserving fruit.  The things that sell for a LOT of money if one were to sell them. 

Aside from all of this, if that barn caught fire and burned, it would've got the trees around it on fire, as a few of them are dead and dry ... which would've allowed it to spread to the old farm house that the family lives in, which runs on propane, which that tank is right behind the house.  Also, in the other direction, it would've caught the big shed on fire, where there is LOTS of fuel stored, currently a combine, my husband's truck, ALL of the farm tools stored.  Next to the big shed, outside, are the other fuel tanks (diesel and gasoline for the farm equipment).  Thirty feet away from those fuel tanks, my horse was in her stall.  Locked up ... unable to get away.  If ANY of that would have happened, ESPECIALLY if it would've gotten to my horse ... oh my god I would have killed all three of those fucking idiots.  I wouldn't have been able to stop myself.  The selfishness of that!  He does not even come home to help work on the farm.  All he does is occasionally sleep there, maybe take a shower here and there and comes and gets random pieces of his crap from time to time.  When asked to come help he always has an excuse why he can't.  He does not contribute financially.  He's 20 years old ... he is of age to really be helping that way.  Yet he's the first to lay claim to the farm, to say that he has more right because he LIVES there.  He lives there maybe twice a week; otherwise it's one giant storage yard for his shit.  He takes hi dad's things (tools, jacks, etc.) without asking and then doesn't bring them back.  For instance, he took the jack out of the big shed a week ago ... right out from under my husband's truck.  When we called to ask him to bring it back, he said we'd have to go get it, he wasn't bringing it back.  WTF?!  He NEVER helps at the farm.  His dad is always so pissed at him because he never comes around.  When he is there he goes in at like 3 or 4 in the morning, wakes everybody else up in the process, goes to bed and sleeps till noon, then gets up, goes to the bathroom, maybe showers, eats and then leaves.    His mom pays his cell phone bill he's supposed to pay half of and never does.  He is supposed to pay for the DirectTV they installed, he never does ... and when a 300 dollar bill rolls in and his mom can't afford any of it, he bitches for having to give her money.  He works ... here are his financial responsibilities ... car insurance.  All of the rest of his money ends up going to gas for his car (which he drives all the time, everywhere, there is no saving gas with him), food (almost always eats fast food, unless he goes to somebody else's home), cigarettes and beer.  He doesn't even pay any child support for his daughter.  He contributes nothing.  He barely ever sees her because he's always too busy hanging out with people that his ex does not want their daughter to be around, and rightfully so. 

Back to my point, as I drifted a little trying to give everybody a good grasp of just how my BIL is.  So get this, also, he left two of his friends to sleep out in the clubhouse.  It got down to like 16 degrees F out last night.  There is no heat in the CH, except the damn heater they took in there that could've burned the place down.  He went inside and slept.  So I chewed his friends' asses.  One of them I don't know, so I told him right away, I don't know you and I know you don't know how things go around here ... THIS one does, pointing to the other friend.  This other friend isn't even supposed to be on the property.  He's a thief and my FIL said he'd put a gun to his face if he saw him there.  I told them they could've burned the whole place down; they have not helped ONE BIT in fixing the clubhouse up.  Not once have any of them contributed any of their own things, any effort, any help, NOTHING.  Yet they think they can come in there and trash it, just because my BIL "lives" there.  I'm sorry, he does nothing to contribute in any way, and he’s been kicked out before.  I and my husband are always over at the farm helping do one thing or another.  We've been given permission to make our own little space in the granary.  My FIL likes it in there; he comes in and sits with us from time to time.  He's even told us we should redo the electric and get an ice box in there!  WE have more right to that place than he does.  So yes it'd be easy to say 'Well, just make them clean it up.'  Here's the problem ... the other two idiots went in the house when we took the heater out and put it back in the big shed and then they passed back out.  So here's what's going to happen, even though I told them they needed to clean the place up... they'll wake up right before my BIL needs to leave, they won't be able to clean anything up, so they'll just leave and leave it a mess.  If they DO somehow manage to go clean it up ... they won't do it properly.  So we'll have to go in behind them one way or the other.  Fine, we'll do so.  All of their shit that they took in there is going to get stacked in a pile outside of the clubhouse.  Then, my husband is placing locks on the two sliding doors that allow entry to the granary.  Pad locks, not combination locks.  There are no bolt cutters on the property for him to get and cut the lock.  He'd have to go buy one, and we know he won't do that.  He wouldn't dare rip the door(s) off of the place or cut through the wood to remove the pieces attached to the building.  So he'll be locked out.  It's going to piss him off beyond all belief, but you know, he hasn't helped at all in there ... all he does is trash it and leave it.  So why should he have any right to get in there?  Now, I, my husband and my FIL will be the only three with keys to the locks.  That'll fix his ass!

Ok, I feel better now.  Damn that was a long rant!  Lol, but I do feel better.  I can't wait to put those locks on; I know when he sees that he's going to be pissed, but good!  Maybe it'll be a lesson to him.  Don't abuse other people's things!  Whew, ok I'm done.  That got wayyyy too long!  Maybe more later, we'll see.