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Kenton Graber Rapist and other predators

womenwhocare posted on Nov 20, 2008 | views: 417 | Tags: Kenton Graber, rapist, MinerMiner, Predators, lies, hurt, victims of violence, private, cheaters, Telvent
We all know the forced rape by strangers but what is the other definition of rape? 

 

 

The main one we focus on here is this:

 

ALCOHOL AND CONSENT



Alcohol is the most widely used date rape drug. People often ask, "if my date/partner and I are drinking or using drugs, does that mean we cannot consent to sex?"

CONSENT is when:

  • The individuals have clearly indicated that they are interested in having sex.
  • Everybody involved is clearly capable of making an informed decision of his/her own free will.
There is NO CONSENT when:

  • Your acquaintance/friend/date/partner is passed out (or asleep) or is incoherent, staggering, or not aware of his/her environment.
  • Consent/permission has been given on behalf of another person. 
  • You think you have consent because she/he is not resisting. Apparent compliance can come from fear or an inability to verbalize or fight back due to intoxication from alcohol and/or drugs. 
  • You don't think the person would agree to sex if she or he were sober. 
  • You and your acquaintance/friend/date/partner have never talked about having sex together before now - when you are completely drunk - and you don't know what the person would want. 
  • Your acquaintance/friend/date/partner has indicated (verbally or non-verbally) that he/she is not interested.  This can be communicated by resisting to having clothing removed, resist certain sexual actions, etc.
  • Even though you and the person have had sex before, he/she said that he/she was not interested tonight. 
  • Someone has stated what he or she is comfortable with, but when she/he is drunk you go farther than she/he agreed to. 
  • You are not sure.
IF YOU'RE NOT SURE, ASK FIRST or ASK AGAIN.
If you're NOT POSITIVE he/she has consented, DON'T DO IT

Safety & Alcohol

  • Remember that when you consume alcohol or are around people who are consuming alcohol, you are more vulnerable to sexual assault. Alcohol and drugs slow down your ability to recognize risk or get out of a situation.
  • You have the right to change your mind and leave. Tell the person to stop, and do whatever you can to remove yourself. 
  • Don't use alcohol to do something you wouldn't do when sober. If you are looking to alcohol or drugs to give you the courage to get someone to do what you want, or what you feel is expected of you, stop. 
  • Consider that some people will deliberately get a person drunk or stoned to take advantage. Giving someone drugs or alcohol and having sex with them after they are no longer capable of resisting is assault. 
  • Don't allow anyone to pressure you into consuming more than you are comfortable. If you have said no to another drink and someone still buys you one, don't drink it.
  • Make a plan with your friends to watch out for each other. If you are all getting drunk, or if your friends are acting drunker than expected (based on what they have consumed), keep a close eye on them. 
  • Keep in mind there are risks when you accept a drink from someone or when you leave your drink unattended. Watch each other's drinks so that no one has the opportunity to put a drug into your drink. 
  • Don't leave your friends on their own. People have been sexually assaulted in both women's and men's washrooms and stairwells.  
  • If you crash at someone's home during a party, be mindful about your safety and where you are sleeping. 
  • At home, always lock your doors. Most assaults occur in a home - whether the victim's, the perpetrator's, or the home of a friend during a party.
If you think you have been assaulted

  • If you have been using drugs or alcohol you may blame yourself, or be afraid that others will blame you.
  • It's not your fault if someone assaulted you - regardless of whether or not you were using drugs or alcohol, what you were wearing, how you were dancing, or where you went.
  • You may not remember some or all of what happened, but you know you have been assaulted. 
  • You may suspect that someone drugged you. Or perhaps you passed out and woke up and someone was there with you. 
  • You don't need to remember the details to get help, or even to press criminal charges. 
  • You don't need to decide about charges right away, but it is helpful to have the documentation if you decide to pursue that option.

Many men make the mistake of thinking if the woman is not saying no then she must want sex.  This is not true.  If alcohol is involved, she may be so intoxicated she cannot verbalize she does not want to have sex but may try to communicate by her body language.  Clues could be, is she trying to resist certain actions you as the man are attempting to perform?  Do you try to remove clothing and she attempts to stop you, do you try to perform certain sexual acts and she attempts to stop you but is not successful?  Kissing and other "make-out" behavior is not enough for consent when alcohol or drugs are involved.  The safe choice is to do nothing.  Besides, a man will refrain from having sex with a woman who is incapacitated if his motives are pure.  If he has sex with a woman anyway when she does not have the clear capacity to give consent it is defined as rape.  It is simply better to just not do it. 


Our group supports women who this has happened to.  We know of many instances of where this type of rape has occurred and offer advice and caring to all those who are healing.  Men are part of our group and they are here to help as well.  We are sending a clear message,   Don't have sex with someone if they intoxicated or drugged.  This is rape and you can be charged with a crime for this. 


Many of the women we counsel are confused by what has happened to them.  They have a lack of complete recall and are in denial about the assault of their bodies.  We help to bring them out of denial and accept the reality of what has been done to them.  We have assisted dozens of women and would like to hear your stories on this forum.  You may leave anonymous messages on this forum to protect your privacy.    Know you are not alone.  The above happens to thousands of women each year.  It is not your fault and we are here to help you. 


We started this as a way to help a woman we cared very much about who was raped this past year.  At first we used this forum as a way to out her rapist, Kenton Graber.  She was initially very upset by our postings and thought we had invaded her privacy.  We admit we did, however, we thought letting others know about Kenton Graber and his criminal behavior was more important to save other women then having our friend upset with us.  She, like many women who have talked with us, was very resistant to the reality of her being raped.  This is not uncommon.  Her case is a classic case of date rape and it was a long road we had to lead her down to accept it.  Once a woman can accept the reality of being date raped, real healing can begin.  Until then, she will live in constant turmoil and confusion and cannot heal from the pain her perpetrator has caused.


We now are supporting many women who have been victims of date rape and only hope they too can heal from their pain.  Share your story here if you need to.



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Comments

  • anonymous said on Nov 23, 2008....
    I am a sophomore in college.  I was date raped last year at a frat party.  I never reported it as I was too afraid.  I am much more brave now but still hurt over this.  He has graduated so I don't have to see him on campus, thank God.  His name is Dave Ginsburg. 
  • anonymous said on Nov 26, 2008....
    This is posted elsewhere but copied it this post too.  Refers to a post by... Takethis.......who thinks women cant be raped unless it is by a stranger.  We disagree with the comment. 
     
     
     
     Below is a definition of rape trauma syndrome     The woman your friend Kenton Graber raped (we assume you are a friend of his posting here)  showed signs of almost all of the below symptoms.  The women we work with show these as well.  
     
     Kenton Graber is the classic example of a date rapist in that he told his victim...."you started it"  I was doing nothing and you asked for it"    This is what rapists tell their victim and the rapist actually believe the woman "asked for it" and "wanted it".   They are oblivious to a woman who they drug or is either been filled with so much liquor  these women were not interested in having a sexual encounter.  These rapists do not care the state the woman is in as long as they can exhibit power over them.  This is what your friend Graber did and what men do to all the woman they rape.  This woman detailed her experience with this man to us and we recognized it for what it is......rape.   She could not see what this man had done to her.  She was in a total state of denial for months as are many women we counsel. 
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Survivors of sexual assault and attempted sexual assault suffer a significant degree of physical and emotional trauma during and immediately following the assault and for a considerable period of time after the assault. The symptoms that are consistently felt over and over by survivors are clustered into a group called rape trauma syndrome. All these feelings and disruptions can occur one or many at a time. They can come and go. Some people try to block out the painful thoughts and memories; others need to talk about their experience over and over again.
    Both adult and child survivors experience post-assault trauma, and in much the same way but with differences specific to their ages. Both female and male adult survivors experience this trauma in much the same way, with one major difference: when men are assaulted - whether by other men or, more infrequently, by women - the masculinity of the victim is questioned. When women are assaulted by men (the most common form of sexual assault), there is no questioning of the victim's femininity; "victimness" has become part of the social construction of "female." Another prevailing cultural assumption when women are assaulted is that they did something to invite the assault, that it was somehow their fault.
    Most survivors feel alone in their experience, isolated from others, sometimes "crazy," and frustrated. These are normal responses to an abnormal experience.
     
    The following is a general and brief description of the stages of rape trauma syndrome.
     
    Crisis or Acute Stage - This stage occurs immediately after the assault. It may last a few days to several weeks and may return during the following years. Some of the characteristics are:
     
    fear
    anxiety attacks and crying spells, mood swings and depression
    difficulty concentrating, making simple decisions, doing normal tasks
    disturbances in sleeping and eating patterns
    feeling numb, with little emotion
    poor recall of the assault or other memories
    protection of the rapist if they in fact know the man who raped them (this is the most confusing part to those outside looking in, how can a woman sympathize with the rapist but it is a self protection mode the brain puts into motion)

    feelings of humiliation, guilt, shame, embarrassment, self-blame, anger, confusion, powerlessness A survivor may cry, shake or appear to be agitated and restless, or seem calm, controlled, "spacey," or laugh hysterically, as if an assault had never occurred. All are normal responses.
     
     
    Outward Adjustment Stage - This can last from a month to many years. In this stage survivors attempt to resume their normal lifestyle and put the assault behind them. Sometimes they appear to have succeeded but internal turmoil may still be affecting them in some of these ways:
    denial-attempts to block thoughts of the assault and say it was not rape
    continued anxiety, helplessness
    withdrawal from family and friends
    deterioration of normal routine - not wanting to go out or be involved
    change in sexual behaviors, attitudes
    mis-directed or self-directed anger
    depression, substance abuse, eating disorders
     
    Integration and Resolution - The assault is no longer the central focus of the survivor's life, however, any of the feelings of the first two stages may reappear. The return of those feelings is often due to re-stimulation of memories of the assault. This can happen several years later and cause fear and confusion. Support and reassurance can help the survivor realize that while she will never forget the assault, it is just one part of her life experience.
     
  • anonymous said on Nov 30, 2008....
    I was raped 6 years ago. Still scared all the time. I've tried to get better but cant seem to.
  • anonymous said on Dec 02, 2008....
    wow! I had no idea about all of this. When "IT" happenend to me, four years ago, I did not report it. It was a friend of a friend and I had too much to drink. I never wanted this person to have sex with me. I was clearly drunk but could not really put up too much resistance due to the drinks I had consumed. I always have blamed myself but I experience most of the above issues even four years later. I have tried to forget about it but it never goes away. How does a person learn to handle this?
  • anonymous said on Dec 10, 2008....
    I agree so much with the comment right above this one. This woman really is a sweetheart and I know she is trying very hard to forget what this man did to her. This group is very misguided thinking she cant handle this because she has the people around her who can shelter her without you all continuing to blab all over what happened over a year ago. Why you are drudging it all up again or shall I say, the ongoing town crier role your group plays, is more damaging in this situation. Now I agree I too don't care what you say about Kenton Graber or Kristina Harmon. I don't know them and Mr. Graber does deserve to be in jail and I have no comment about this Kristina Harmon person but in your quest to so call "out" a rapist you ultimately hurt a woman I care tons about. I am not sure if anyone has told all of you this but she does not read your posts at all. I know your posts are not directed at her but she does not spend any of her time reading them. Her family has encouraged her and so have her close friends to ignore it. I read all of them to keep up with the latest news but she has asked and I have respected her request to not bring up your group, the posts, Kenton Graber, or Kristina Harmon. I have not made a comment sooner because I thought this group would eventually stop or move on to someone else. I would make the same request as above: is there any way you will consider not discussing her at all in any forum? It would be a very nice Christmas gift to her if you would. The forwarded emails, pics, info, and all of the other things this group has sent to her is information she does not want. It does not benefit her to read it or have knowledge of it. What you do with the shit you send her about Kenton and this Kristina person, she nor anyone else around here cares if you spread it all over the entire world, just don't send it to her anymore. I am hoping by posting my comment here all members of your group will read it and understand it and act on it. You yourselves have posted info about Rape Trauma Syndrome....your actions are prolonging her path to recovery from her rape, you are not helping her. You may be making yourselves feel better by exposing all the men and women who have either raped or cheated and this is okay I suppose. But you know how rape is about control and dominance and you are taking away her control when you tell her story. It is her right to tell it if she so chooses. Not yours.
  • womenwhocare said on Dec 20, 2008....

    More warnings about date rapists and sexual predators


    A date rapist can be anyone—a stranger or, more often, someone known,sometimes someone even trusted. You can’t pick them out of a crowd, but these predators share certain characteristics. Knowing these may help you head off trouble later.

    Step1
    Watch for men with macho attitudes who see sex as a personal conquest. These men make disparaging, crude remarks about women and sex. A date rapist wants to appear strong and in charge--someone who gets what he wants, no matter what. He’s trying to stroke his ego–and impress the other guys with his exploits. 
    Step2
    Date rapists tend to be hostile towards women. They often make disparaging or crude remarks about women and sexual exploits. They tend to laugh too loud, brag too much and talk too inappropriately. They also tend to be possessive, jealous and controlling—seeing women as things to own rather than persons to love.
    Step3
    Another red flag to watch for is a man who invades your personal space. They are trying to test the waters with you and see how strong your personal boundaries are.
    Step4
    Often with a date rapist, you'll see a popular, outgoing, guy with a shy, insecure girl who isn’t popular or especially attractive. Predatory men pick these women because they’re usually easier to push around psychologically. 
    Step5
    Date rapists use all kinds of psychological weaponry. They may joke, plead, scare, embarrass or guilt women into doing more than they feel comfortable. They almost never use physical weapons. They prefer to believe that they are just that good. Date rape is a psychological game for the date rapist. It is much more about control and power than about sex.
    Step6
    Quick to buy drinks for a woman, date rapists use the alcohol they pay for as a weapon to loosen their date’s inhibitions. They can be charming and free with their money just long enough to get someone drunk enough to lose their judgment.
    Step7
    Other weapons date rapists employ are date rape drugs which cause a lack of inhibition and invoke a semi-conscious state while having an amnesiac effect on the victim the next morning. These can’t be detected after 24 hours--72 hours if combined with alcohol in the bloodstream. Date rape drugs are freely available street drugs now.
    Step8
    Some date rapists don’t follow the usual pattern. Some are unattractive, unassertive men who are often overlooked or made fun of and will often will use date rape drugs to get what they feel they can’t otherwise get (again–power/control more than the sex). Stay alert to anger directed at women from any man.
    Step9
    A little knowledge can go a long way. Heeding the red flags will help keep you safe!
    We posted these to help identify men who may be potentially dangerous.  We use our favorite example Kenton Graber here:  Graber makes very derogatory comments about his wife and other women.  We have read and chatted with him where he has made these types of comments which demonstrate hostility toward women. Two of us work around him and his reputation at his workplace telvent miner&miner is well known for disparaging remarks against women.  examples: these are the facts as we know them to be and after having extensive conversations with Graber either within work or via chats we had previously with him and with the 2 women (at least) he dated raped.  
    he refers to women he thinks as ugly or pretty in 'yards'.such as 'she is a 30 yarder, a 10 yarder, etc.  the closer the yarder the prettier the woman.  he refers to his wife  as a woman with saggy tits and doughy belly and describes flipping her off and freely shares his wife's reluctance to engage in oral sex which he refers to as 'peach eatin',  we know of several confirmed instances he sent emails and text messages to a woman he dated raped calling her a fucking bitch and taunting her and has repeated degrading statements to other associates. kenton graber drugged another woman's drink and from the description we were given we determined he date raped her and engaged in several unwanted sexual acts toward her but she was incapacitated to put up a fight, he refers to some female clients of telvent as nappy headed women with plastic tits, and we could go on and on with many examples of the hostility he demonstrates.Think about the men you meet in your life. It could save you in the future from a now widely known sex offender and rapist like Kenton Graber. This sex offender resides in the Topeka Kansas area.Be wary and Be wise.   
  • anonymous said on Dec 22, 2008....
    I found this online.    Rapists use alcohol and drugs on people. Had a couple frat bros who I think did this a few years ago.  Hope it is accurate information.

    Tony.

    Drug Facilitated Assault

    Drug facilitated assault: when drugs or alcohol are used to compromise an individual's ability to consent to sexual activity. In addition, drugs and alcohol are often used in order to minimize the resistance and memory of the victim of a sexual assault.

    Alcohol remains the most commonly used chemical in crimes of sexual assault, but there are also substances being used by perpetrators including: Rohypnol, GHB, GBL, etc.

    Diminished Capacity

    Diminished capacity exists when an individual does not have the capacity to consent. Reasons for this inability to consent include, but are not limited to: sleeping, drugged, passed out, unconscious, mentally incapacitated, etc.

    It is important to understand diminished capacity because oftentimes victims of sexual assault in these situations blame themselves because they drank, did drugs, etc. It is essential to emphasize that it is not his or her fault, that the aggressor is the one who took advantage of his or her diminished capacity.

    Rohypnol

    Rohypnol is not approved for medical use in the United States. It is smuggled into the country and has become an increasingly popular street drug.

    Street Names: Roofies, Roach, the Forget Pill, Circles, Mexican Valium, Rib, Roach-2, Roopies, Rophies, La Rochas, Rope, Poor Man's Quaalude, Whiteys, Trip-and-Fall, Mind Erasers, Lunch Money, and R-2.

    What is it?: A small white tablet that looks a lot like aspirin. It quickly disolves in liquid and can take effect within 30 minutes of being ingested. The effects peak within 2 hours and may have lingering effects for 8 hours or more.

    Effects
    • Increased blood pressure
    • Memory impairment
    • Muscle relaxation
    • Drowsiness
    • Visual disturbances
    • Dizziness
    • Confusion
    • Unconsciousness
    • Nausea, aspiration on own vomit

    GHB

    GHB has not been approved by the FDA since 1990. Therefore, it is illegal for distribution and sale in the U.S.

    Street Names: Grievous Bodily Harm (GBH), Liquid X, Liquid E, G, Georgia Home Boys, Easy Lay, Cherry Meth, Soap, PM, Salt Water, Vita G, G-Juice, Great Hormones, Somatomax, Bedtime Scoop, Gook, Gamma 10, Energy Drink, and Goop.

    What is it?: Pure GHB is commonly sold as a clear, odorless liquid or white crystalline powder. Because it is made in home labs, the effects are often unpredictable. Once ingested, GHB takes effect in approximately 15 minutes and can last 3-4 hours.

    Effects
    • Sedation of the body
    • Intense drowsiness
    • Hampered mobility
    • Verbal incoherence
    • Slowed heart rate
    • Nausea, aspiration on own vomit
    • Headache
    • Respiratory failure
    • Unconsciousness
    • Seizure-like activity
    • Coma, death

    GBL

    A GHB-like product, GBL is often sold under the guise of a dietary supplement or an industrial cleaner.

    What is it?: When the body metabolizes GBL, it becomes twice as potent as GHB. It has a bitter taste that can easily be masked by strong-tasting drinks. GBL now comes in flavors such as lime, cinnamon, and cherry. Once ingested it takes approximately 30-45 minutes to take effect.

    Effects
    • Severe amnesia
    • Nausea, aspiration on own vomit
    • Lethargy
    • Confusion
    • Hypothermia
    • Coma
    • Respiratory arrest
    • Seizures
    • Agitation
    • Loss of bowel control
    • Death

    NOTE: People who take GBL may act normally (i.e., may not appear intoxicated or sedated) but will have no memory of the time period. This effect can make it difficult for friends or acquaintances to identify that the individual has been drugged.

    Benzodiazepines

    What is it? Commonly prescribed as anti-anxiety and sleeping medications in the United States, these drugs can be put into an alcoholic drink or soft drink in powder or liquid form. These are legal forms of Rohypnol.

    What it does: Like the other drugs described above, Benzodiazepines can markedly impair and even abolish functions that normally allow a person to resist, or even want to resist, sexual aggression or assault.

    GHB, GBL, Rohypnol, & Benzodiazepines

    NOTE:For all of these drugs, alcohol increases the effects.

    All four of these drugs have some common effects that make them appealing to perpetrators. These drugs are common weapons of sexual assault due to the combined efforts of the sedative effect and the memory-impairment qualities.

    How they Work
    • They are typically odorless, colorless, and tasteless when placed in liquid (except for GBL).
    • 5-30 minutes after ingestion, the victim of the drugging may struggle to talk or to move and may eventually pass out.
    • At this point the drugged individual is vulnerable to assault.
    • A survivor of such an assault may have virtually no memory of the events that occurred.

    Another factor that makes these drugs dangerous and difficult to detect is that they leave the body rapidly, leaving little time for detection.

    • Rohypnol- leaves in 36-72 hours
    • GHB- leaves in 10-12 hours
    • GLB- leaves the urinary system within 6 hours and the blood stream within 24 hours.
    Some Good News

    The producers of Rohypnol have recently changed the chemistry of the pill so that it changes the color of clear drinks to bright blue and makes dark drinks go cloudy. It will, however, take a while for these new pills to hit the streets.

    Ketamine

    A dissociative general anesthetic that has stimulant, hallucinogenic, and hypnotic properties. It is usually used by veterinarians.

    Street Names: K, K-Hole, Special K, Vitamin K, Purple, Psychodelic Heroin, Kit Kat, Jet, Bump, Black Hole.

    What is it?: A fast-acting liquid that can be slipped into drinks. It can be used to sedate and incapacitate individuals in order to sexually assault them. Ketamine is especially dangerous when mixed with other drugs or alcohol.

    What it does: Ketamine causes individuals to feel detached from their bodies and their surroundings so that, while they may be aware of what is happening to them, they are unable to move or fight back. In addition it may cause amnesia so that they do not remember what happened.

    Effects
    • Dizziness
    • Confusion
    • Hallucinations
    • Agitation
    • Disorientation
    • Impaired motor skills
    • High blood pressure
    • Loss of consciousness
    • Depression
    • Potentially fatal respiratory failure

    Ecstasy

    A toxic hallucinogenic and stimulant that has psychedelic effects. It is illegal to sell or to produce in the United States.

    Street Names: E, X, X-TC, M&Ms, Adam, CK, Clarity, Hug Drug, Lover's Speed.

    What is it?: Ecstasy is commonly sold as small pills or capsules and is also available in powder and liquid forms. It can be slipped into an individual's drink in order to facilitate sexual assault.

    What it does: Ecstasy causes individuals to feel extreme relaxation and positivity towards others while it increases sensitivity to touch. When under the influence of ecstasy individuals are less likely to be able to sense danger and it may leave them unable to protect themselves from attack.

    Effects
    • Increased blood pressure, pulse, and body temperature
    • Nausea
    • Blurred vision
    • Loss of consciousness
    • Hallucinations
    • Chills
    • Sweating
    • Tremors
    • Strokes
    • Seizures
    • Hypothermia
    • Heat stroke
    • Heart failure

  • anonymous said on Jan 20, 2009....
    Have worked with the prick too and i can't stand him, lying piece of shit and have no respect for him. Can't respect a guy who cheats on his wife. I'm married and I take my vows seriously. Does not surprise me one bit this man raped a woman or multiple women.
  • figsandapples said on Jun 03, 2009....

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