My ALJ hearing is today.  I hope that it goes well.  From what I have heard, sometimes the judges are mean.  I hope I win my case.  I really need SSDI or SSI.  I can't function in a work environment if I am going to be paranoid all of the time.  That's even if I'm really being paranoid.  Maybe the people really are fucking with me.  I think they are.  There are other people around me who tell me that I am paranoid.  I truly hope that I win this case.  If I don't, I can't afford to pursue it any longer.  It will mean that I will have no choice but to either kill myself, or suck it up and try to work again.  The voices have been acting up rather badly though.  That's been causing some serious irritation.  I snapped at my mother twice yesterday.  I haven't snapped on her in a long time before that.  I feel bad.  I know she does it to me, but do I have to be like her?  I did enough snapping while I was off my medication.  I think that the reason we have freaked on each other is because we are both stressed.  I'm hoping that things will work out for the better.  I don't want to end up being a bitch that wigs out on customers or coworkers because the voices won't shut the fuck up and stop making fun of me like the dumb neighbors.  After today I have a month or two before I find out whether or not I won the case.  That's not such a long wait, considering how long I have already waited.  I will be apprehensive until notified.  That's probably not going to help the voices or the other symptoms, but oh well.  That's just me.