a friend of mine claims he won't go out in public with me anymore after my antics last night...
we were at a party last night and friend and i were given the job to go on a beer run. the liquor store was already closed so we ended up in the grocery store.
we grab the beer and get in line.. it's really late and there is only one lane open at the checkout. i eye the man's full cart in front of me and say to him...
"dude, look at all that stuff you have, we only have one thing, you should let me go in front of you"
the dude looks at me and says "hey, i've already been a nice guy and let several people go ahead of me" at which point he turns to the man in line in front of him (who, to my fraggle delight is sporting an awesome mullet) anyway, he asks mullet man to verify his humantarism. mullet man nods his head solemnly to affirm that the dude had, in fact, already let a bunch of people go in front of him.
so dude says to me "i'm done being a nice guy, i'm not letting anyone else cut in front of me...unless you think there's something about you.......?"
***awww shit, don't goad a tipsy fraggle... you probably shouldn't make eye contact with one either"
i say "OF COURSE there is something about me......" (i'm thinking he must be new here)
i then yell "HEY!" to get mullet man's attention and say...
"isn't there something about me???????"
mullet man doesn't know what that something is but he nods his head in dutiful agreement.
at which point i shoot an "told you so" look to dude with the full cart.
mullet man pays for his new comb and takes his leave from the "situation"
it's now dudes turn to check out, i eye his purchases as he's loading them onto the little grocery conveyor belt...2 turkeys, 3 steaks, WAIT!!!! 2 TURKEYS? AT THIS HOUR????
so i say (of course) "DUDE! why are buying TWO turkeys???"
dude says "right now is the best time to buy them"
so i say "right now as in MIDNIGHT??? and WHYYYY TWO turkeys?"
(before i give him a chance to answer i start drilling him abut his beef purchase)
"WHYYY are you buying three steaks at MIDNIGHT?" (i do realize people grocery shop at off hours, but i was just on a roll and couldn't stop myself)
the poor cashier who has had to put up with my dissention in her check out line announces his total as being one hundred and some dollars. she eyes me warily cause she just knows i'm going to comment. heh.
i say "who spends one hundred and some odd dollars on meat at midnight?! and again WHY are you buying three steaks?"
dude looks at me and says..."cause my maybe soon to be ex-wife and kids might be coming over tomorrow"
awww. shit. i fucked with a sad dude. I SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
the cashier is giving me an angry look and i don't know how to pull my big-ass foot out of my big-ass mouth and i reason (in my head) that sometimes divorce is a good thing....
so i say...
"ummm.....welll...congratulations? i'm sorry? go ahead and take which ever is most approrpriate"
he pays and takes his leave from the "situation". i turn around to grab the beer from friend.
friend is standing with his back towards me, looking at the floor, shaking his head..........
"whaaaat?" i tipsy-whisper-hiss at him "did i embarass you?"
"yes!!!!!!!!" he sober-whisper-hisses back at me
"really?" i tipsy-whisper-hiss again
i just couldn't wrap my mind around that fact.
friend claims he won't go in public with me anymore and i have a sneaky suspicion that i won't ever be asked to make the beer run again..................
