So about my ex,

Once upon a time I met a girl, (Quit snickering already. Even the all time loser gets lucky once in a while.), and we started dating. In fact we did a lot more than just “dating”. I fell completely head over heels in love with this woman. Now I went into this knowing that she was “bi-polar” and things like that don’t really phase me. (Look up my previous entry regarding what does, or does not, constitute normal and you’ll understand what I mean.) Things were going so well, and I was such a noob in matters of love, that inside of 3 months we’d moved in together and bought a car together. Life was very good at the time. Very good.

Then reality began to set in.

She started to have “bi-polar” moments and to get irritable and grouchy. She would get snappish, say something mildly hurtful, and then pass it off as such a moment or another of her favorite excuses, “I’m just fucking with you.”

Then came the first big blowout.

She had a child from a previous marriage and by some strange circumstance she and the father had an agreement that anytime either of them had someone in their lives that appeared to be a serious relationship that the other parent would get to meet the person and approve of whether or not they wanted that person involved in the life of their child. This didn’t bother me much and going into the meeting/dinner I was relaxed. She was not.

Now previously it had been discussed that I was like the ex in many, many ways down to the point of even looking somewhat like him. This did not bother me because it had been long enough since the divorce that it did not appear that I was a rebound and she seemed to note this only as a humorous item. So we went to the dinner.



She flips out after dinner. Takes off, goes driving around town, won’t tell me a damn thing and then doesn’t want to talk about it for a week. Finally she tells me what’s up and the important bit was, and I quote, “I don’t want you. I want my husband back.”

Hi, my name is Razulki and I’ve just been pole axed.

Needless to say any sort of relationship came to a screeching halt right then and there. She got to sleep on the couch and I went and curled up into a little ball and began licking my wounds. Well within a day she starts making noises about how she’d made a horrible mistake, had a bi-polar moment, etc… I wound up telling her essentially to STFU and talk to me in a week. I wasn’t of a mind to be polite at the moment you see.

So that week is up and she literally gets on her knees and begs for forgiveness and a second chance. Now at this point every instinct I have is screaming to RUN!!! GET OUT!!! ESCAPE!!! FLEE!!! But I endeavor to be gracious and polite in all things, and I really was in love with this woman, so I assented to a second chance.

Oh the mistakes we make through a combination of naiveté and that potion of idiocy that is otherwise known as love.

At first everything was ok. We made up, make up sex is every bit as good as advertised, and life was generally good again. Then she got “cured” of her bi-polar. See somewhere out there is a rather interesting model of social and society development that she got introduced to. This turned into something of a mild obsession for her but the day it happened I got off work and she was in this absolutely euphoric happy bouncy type of mood so I asked her what the scoop was. Well it took the better part of an hour to get it out of her but finally she explains her understanding of this model to me, and what it meant for her.

Note that I say her understanding because I have since met people who know their ass from a whole in the ground on the matter and her understanding is just a little bit whacked shall we say.

Now the one important thing about this model that you’ll need to know now in order to understand what I’m about to say is that it color codes the different stages of development and that the current high end color is “Yellow”. Note that I’m no expert on this. It’s more a thing I know of than know about really. (Something to correct in the reasonably soon future.)

Up to this point one of the cutesy couple things we would do is that I would tell her that I loved her, a very regular occurrence, and she would retort with a line from “Red vs. Blue” of “You’re not Church. Church is blue.” To which I would retort with a very bombastic “I’M BLUE!!!” Well it turns out that according to her under this model I am blue. Now there’s no proper way that I could put this in text that would convey it just through the words but this was done in the most condescending, insulting, tone and manner possible and when I told her that she’d hurt me thus she was something less than apologetic, gracious, or otherwise willing to be responsible for her actions.

So not long after this we went splitsville and I went on with my life. Now we went splitsville on reasonably amicable terms. Since we were both involved with the car it seem like the “politic” thing to do. So then she moves out of the house and across town to stay with some mutual friends. Across town happened to be about 2 miles from work so I didn’t really care on way or the other on the matter but then she proposed how the use of the car would be split.

Now before I get into the details of this part understand this. All of the paperwork, credit, insurance, everything about the car was only ever in my name and under my responsibility. At one point we attempted to get the car under both our names on the loan and the bank turned us down. In hindsight this was a very fortuitous thing to have happened.

So it came time for us to discuss the sharing of the car and the initial split that was proposed to me was that she would have M-F use of the car and I would have free use on the weekends. Now keep in mind that between payment and insurance the car was a $300/mo expense of which she was contributing $100. Contemplate that for a moment and then you tell me if you think that would have been a reasonable arrangement. I certainly did not think so. Then I got a voicemail from her that afternoon telling me that she wasn’t going to be there that evening to pick me up and didn’t expect I’d get the voicemail anyway.

Razulki VERY not happy now.

So I go home and I write out, in very meticulous language, what my minimum expectations for sharing the car are going to be. There was quite a bit to it but the parts that are relevant for discussion here are that I expected to have the car available to get my lunches, to not have to ride mass transit home in the evening, that I didn’t expect we’d be sharing a car past the end of the year, and that if she didn’t like any of this I’d help her get a used car of her own to the tune of half the down payment for a reasonable used car. (Somewhere between $400 and $1000 out of my pocket.)

She did not like this at all but she abided by it for the most part. I say for the most part because a variety of little things would happen that I considered tolerable but not what I had said I expected. Things such as my car not being there in the evening, someone else coming to get me, being dragged around on her errands in the evening, etc… Lots of little annoyances. As long as I got home in less time than the train would have taken the sum total of my caring in the matter was zero so I never made an issue of it.

Ha, ha but then she got a new man. Not only did she get a new man but she got engaged to the new man and then things started to go really haywire. Things like not being there in the evening, or not being there for lunch. (Not being there for lunch when dealing with a diabetic is a very not healthy, and even less happy, thing mind you…) So after about a week of this crap I decided that enough was enough and let her know that the sharing of the car had to end, and I quote myself here, “As soon as possible.” Not, “Give me my keys right now.”, or anything similarly harsh. Personally I had no intent of leaving her rideless. I just wasn’t going to tolerate the situation till the end of the year was all.

Well she was vocally and obviously unhappy at this development. In fact she asked me to swear upon my mother’s soul that I was going to give her the money and claimed to have $1000 immediately available. Well I didn’t but then again I wasn’t asking for anything immediate either. So I didn’t hear from her for 2 days but then got a call from the insurance company stating that she’d tried to remove herself from the insurance.

Uhm… I don’t think so. Not till the car was back in my hands at least.

Now I wasn’t out to screw her out of the money. In fact I offered to set a direct deposit from my paychecks, into her account, for the promised funds to which I got a very loudly delivered “Not good enough.” So screw that. I wasn’t going to crucify myself anymore than I already had for her sake.

And oh let me explain that part btw…

See somewhere in this disaster I was made to eat crow. By way of being my then lover this lady was privilege to my rants, my ravings, and my bitching. In this case the mutual friend she moved in with being relevant. She had knowledge of all my issues with this person that I had not, and had no intention, to address directly to that person. They were all things of an ultimately minor or trivial nature and I considered the lot to be my problem and not anything wrong with them. I still maintain this as such btw… Alas the ex decided of her own accord that I was largely in the wrong on the matter and proceeded to share pretty much the entire extent in the most foul terms possible.

Now I can understand how a person could be upset by my part in that bit. I can understand how they’d in fact think me quite evil on the matter but I make a point in life to be as approachable as possible and to not discuss this with me at all before throwing me under the bus of ginormousness? Not cool. So much was this the case that I wrote her out of my life at that point. All that was left was the car scenario that I described above.

Unfortunately my friends were not so lucky. The details are their story to tell and if you can find them I’m sure they’d vent at great length because this lady is still having an impact of assorted sizes upon our collective lives. Sadly there’s not much that can be done for that beyond simply keeping as much of the toxicity at bay as possible and we all seem to manage. Ultimately none of that is important any more though and that’s the point of this long, rambling, piece.

See I realized over the course of the last weekend that, for me and my part, things are pretty much at their end in this chapter of life. The car, referenced as “My Boat Anchor” previously, is listed for sale. I’m finally free of negative equinity and it’s for sale. Not only is the Bitch out of my life but the emotional damage, and impulse to hide under a rock where she’s concerned, has faded and the closure that I’ve crawled towards for the last year is finally at hand.

Life may actually be good again relatively soon. That thought all by itself is enough to leave me feeling quite contented.