So here I am... ready to go off into the great unknown leaving all that I know far behind me. I know I haven't always been this introverted person I am now. I never knew the wonderful friends I have who care about me until now that I am leaving and going to all the awesome farewell parties my friends have thrown for me. I know that I should be happy but it leaves me feeling so empty inside. Empty because I know that I won't be coming back for a long time. Yet I feel so lucky to have shared my life with these people. Since my divorce I have had problems meeting new people and talking with people. I'm not as outgoing as I used to be and would rather blend in the shadows than make a big scene. I am a solitary creature. This is not by choice but rather seems by design. I am strange. And yet I am still surrounded by these special people who accept me anyway. Not only do I feel this way about my real life friends but also the people I have come to know here. I won't address any one person because I don't want to neglect anyone. I'm sure you know who you are. These people that take time out of their busy lives to read and comment on my blog. A woman asked me today why I joined the Navy? There are lots of answers to that question. To serve my country, to gain self esteem, to learn new things just to name a few. I think the main reason is because I feel I don't fit in anywhere else. I only hope I'll fit in in the Navy. Sometimes I feel very distant even around my dear friends. I love my friends with all my heart but something inside myself just feels off. I need adventure and a big change and I felt the Navy was it. I'm very nervous still about boot camp. I have to learn how to tie all these knots and memorize a bunch of stuff. I'm very scared about not meeting my own expectations in boot camp. I set very high goals for myself. I want to be a petty officer third class before I get out of school. I know this is possible but I don't know if it is a realistic goal. I am going to try though. I just wanted to take the time to tell you all that I'll miss you and I love you. I appreciate everyone helping me through one of the toughest times of my life. Sometimes I wonder how I would have gotten through without my family, friends, and all you wonderful people on SoulCast.
SlickNick posted on Nov 15, 2008
| views: 313
Comments
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winterslight said on Nov 16, 2008....
well dear nick its a see u laters!you will be fine! keep you head held high and dont ever forget yes sir!maybe you will get time in boot to keep in touch!and told you that you was loved!and that cause you lost 1 didnt mean your not special and importan!!make us proud.and above all be safe!and come home!you will be missed!see you next time you get to lay your hands on a pc!always win! -
SlickNick said on Nov 16, 2008....
Thanks winters! ((((hugs)))) -
winterslight said on Nov 16, 2008....
Big hugs dont forget we want a pic of you all decked out in them dress blues. humm think that is marines... navy is blue to tho wonder what they call it?but who cares any man in any uniform is sexy! -
SlickNick said on Nov 16, 2008....
k, I'll post one after graduation. -
fragglesrock said on Nov 16, 2008....
***laying down, kicking, screaming, and having an all-out fraggle tantrum right now""
nick, i'll quit throwing my tantrum, i know you gotta go, and i just know you are going to do great!!!!!
i'll miss you, but.........
we'll always have kroger at midnight ;)
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SlickNick said on Nov 16, 2008....
ROFL!!! -
SlickNick said on Nov 16, 2008....
I'm really gonna miss everyone. Seems like boot camp will be like a time capsule for me. Everyone will go about their lives but I will be kind of frozen in time so to speak. It will probably be weird when I do get a chance to come back. So much will be different. -
winterslight said on Nov 16, 2008....
how long is boot camp for? it will go fast.. no wait maybe not it might be like when we was in school. time never moved? hummm well for us on the out side it will be no time you will be done. you may feel like a year passed!you will have fun. and you will make life long friends! -
SlickNick said on Nov 16, 2008....
Yeah at least I know a lot of people will be there going through hell with me. That will at least make it more bearable. I thought it was nine weeks but I'm guessing it will be more like 7-7 1/2. -
Lucytorial said on Nov 16, 2008....
Hey Nick... off topic here but did you get pics of Fraggles on the chair??? te he heheGonna miss you too, then again I'm hoping that when you come out of boot camp you'll tell us a bunch of stories and we'll read a bit more confidence in that voice of yours. ♥ -
pusscat said on Nov 16, 2008....
Hey nick
I got used to seeing you round here - gonna miss ya matey!
I know what they say about sailors too. . . girl in every port. . . give it a year and you'll be losing count LOL! To go on what winter said though, you may have lost one but boy. . .did she lose out big time!! Silly, silly girl but it leaves you free for when the right little lady comes along Nick and she will. . .be patient, you'll see :-)
Please take care of yourself and come back whenever you can x
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fragglesrock said on Nov 16, 2008....
puss - lucy already has dibs on the aussie port... :) -
killingme4u said on Nov 16, 2008....
hey nick.take care of yourself.i am one here who will really miss you.i be thinkin of ya,do already.alright.come back when ya can...see ya. :))i don't do it to many but you've been one extra good to me.so here ::{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{slicknick}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} -
SlickNick said on Nov 16, 2008....
Lucy- I didn't get pics of frags on the chair. I can only imagine what that is all about lol! I'm sure I'll have a ton of fun stories to share when I get back, and I should be way more confident in myself after boot camp. ;)
pusscat- I'm gonna miss you too! Thanks for believing in me. I hope I find a girl soon before I'm too old and bitter to enjoy her. I will definitely jump online whenever the opportunity presents itself.
frags- haha
Last but certainly not least killie... I'm really gonna miss reading you. I really hope that you learn to love yourself for who you are because you are so much more than you know. I really felt a strong connection to you because you sound so much like myself. Just know that there are others out there that have traveled down the same path that you are and they have made it though. That should give you some hope that maybe you can pull through. I know that you can cause I believe in you. ;)
And right back at ya {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{killie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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secretlife said on Nov 16, 2008....
Good luck w/boot camp Nick!I'm sure you're going to do just fine....they say one door closes and another opens, and i have a feeling this is a big wide open door for you! -
SlickNick said on Nov 16, 2008....
It was a gloomy Sunday today and I ate dinner with two friends of mine. It was really sad to say my goodbyes. I know that I will probably see them again. I don't know why it feels like I'm never gonna see them again. Probably me being over dramatic as usual. I can't help but have my thoughts drift to my ex. Oh how I wish she would call and wish me luck. But I know she won't. I'll never know why she hates me so. Just hurts that she won't even say goodbye. I guess she was never good with that... I told a dear friend of mine that I know as soon as I step onto that bus I'm going to feel more alone than I ever have in my life. I hope that will change when I get to boot camp and see the countless others with the same expression on their faces as I. That same sad, tired, and scared face. I am just trying not to dwell too much on this but it's hard. Tomorrow is my last day of freedom for awhile. Hope I can make it a memorable one. -
SlickNick said on Nov 16, 2008....
secret- Thank you. I just hope that big wide door doesn't hit me where the good lord split me... haha!
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RollingC said on Nov 16, 2008....
Good luck Nick....I think the Navy is a wonderful way to serve your country and see the world....like the advertising says.
I wish you the best and if you can...... keep in touch with us in Soulcast.
:^)
Rc
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SlickNick said on Nov 16, 2008....
Thanks Rc you will be missed. -
Bosun said on Nov 16, 2008....
Have fun at Boot Camp (yes, it's possible) and enjoy becoming part of NavSecGru.
When you get out of boot camp, remember to get yourself a spare pair of boots - wear them on alternate work days, the pair will last longer and your feet will feel better.
To learn your knots, tie each one five times every day. Repetition will help you remember them.
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MissMimi said on Nov 16, 2008....
Nick, stay safe, and thank you for serving. {{{hug}}} -
SlickNick said on Nov 17, 2008....
Bosun- I will get a spare set of boots, that's a great idea. Working on my knots still.
MissMimi- Thanks for wishing me well! {{{hugs}}}
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SlickNick said on Nov 17, 2008....
I'm leaving tomorrow morning for boot camp and I have to say I feel like I'm outside of my body. It's a strange feeling. I had a good last day. Very tame compared to the rest of the week with all its drinking and parties. I hung out and smoked a cigar with my little brother. I watched movies and played video games, ate good food and talked with my parents. My Chief Petty Officer called and we talked and he reassured me that everything would be fine. I'm lucky to have such a great Chief. The guy really cares about his recruits. I went by my ex's house to pick up what few items she found that were mine from the house. She of course put it in the garage and left the house so she wouldn't have to see me. I of course was very sad by this. I was hoping she would give me a hug and bury the hatchet, wish me luck and we could part ways with clear consciences. Talking to my friends for the last time was hard because I never really comprehended how much I meant to these people until now. Of course now that I have let them know just how much they mean to me I'm leaving. Makes me wish I would have told them a long time ago. I never expected the parties and the fond goodbyes and the good luck people have bestowed on me. It is all very overwhelming. Seems like there is never enough hours in a day to let the all the people you should know you care. -
private_witchy said on Nov 17, 2008....
hi nick, i am newbie here at SC. just read your post yesterday when i am at the office and looking for something to read over the net when i saw your post. i am saddened the way your marriage ended like that and you decided to join the navy instead for some reason of course, i hope you'll get over it soon. Good luck to boot camp and be wise. - private_witchy. -
SlickNick said on Nov 17, 2008....
Thanks witchy. I didn't join the Navy just because of my divorce though. I joined it because my life felt very static. I didn't feel like I was going anywhere. I wanted to make progress with my life and do something for myself. I think for the first time in my life I am doing something for me and not for anyone else. Sure its scary but sometimes the hardest things to do turn out to be the most rewarding in the long run. -
private_witchy said on Nov 17, 2008....
"...sometimes the hardest things to do turn out to be the most rewarding in the long run...."
- i believe so.
hello again nick, i am happy to know that you've finally make a turn for your own life now, i have a very special friend who is a part of the navy forces in the Philippines. he said that being away from his son was really tough, but at the same time fulfilling because his serving his country. by the way, he and his wife got separated also for a year now but his trying to get over it each day at a time.
:)
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SlickNick said on Nov 17, 2008....
I don't think I will ever get over my ex but I'm learning to move on with my life. I look back on past moments in time with her with a bittersweet feeling in my heart. Such good times but those will never be again. At least not with her, but there will be good times with someone who truly deserves my love and affection. It saddens my heart to know that the once sweet and loving person I used to know has hardened into such a cold and callous individual. One of the items I picked up from her today was a photo book with pictures of us in it. It was hard to look at those pictures. We were so young and in love. And it showed in our eyes and expressions. It was as if every breath we took said I love you. A combination of that with my mother crying today as she told me she didn't know how to deal with me leaving for boot camp made this evening especially tough. So yes the tears are ever so flowing now. To say goodbye to so much all at once is reminiscent of what dieing must be like. You know that you won't be around forever but you hope that while you are here you touch the hearts and minds of those around you. And you hope that you made a positive difference in the people you love and care for. I just hope that those that I'm leaving don't feel like I'm abandoning them. I hope that my quest for self worth, self esteem, and finding my place in the world does not seem selfish to those I care about most in this world. This song seems so appropriate as it is playing in my head at this moment.
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fragglesrock said on Nov 17, 2008....
nick, sweets, i'm sure your family and friends do NOT feel like you are abandoning them. your quest for self worth and self esteem is deserved. it's a right. i can't watch the video tonight as my computer is slow on the buffering, but i assure you i'll watch it tomorrow at work and be thinkin' of you, in a happy excited for your adventure way. i'm already planning the next event ;) don't think of it as "goodbye" - think of it as "i'll see you soon" (i realize that soon is relative), or think of it as "see you when i get back from my quest" - i'm sure your mom is soooo proud of you. mom's are like that. and she has much to be proud for. i'm so sorry that you saw the photo book...i'm just shaking my head at the sadness of that. it's quite something, it's like a train wreck, we don't want to look at the pictures...but somehow can't help it. -
fragglesrock said on Nov 17, 2008....
p.s. - if you change your mind my offer still stands, i did clean out some of the mess this evening but i still think you could survive for at least a couple weeks in that car of mine...tee hee. -
SlickNick said on Nov 17, 2008....
Thanks frags -
SlickNick said on Nov 18, 2008....
Well this will be my last post here for awhile. Drinking a lot of coffee to get ready for my pee test. Getting a good shower and shave. Then it's off to the great beyond. And off I go... -
Lucytorial said on Nov 18, 2008....
awww fuck I still haven't seen any photos yet.. damn it Nick... Fraggles you frigging frucking fraggle minded frig it all???Okay so you make sure you behave.. if you need practice Nick saying Yes Sir.. just pm me... te h ehehee -
fragglesrock said on Nov 18, 2008....
lucy - frigging frucking fraggle minded frig it all??? dammit! i resemble that remark! -
SlickNick said on Nov 18, 2008....
Well I made it to Indy! Got to my hotel and checked in. Gotta get up early to go to MEPS and fill out some papers and pee in a cup. Talk to you all when I get a chance. I can't wait to get to boot camp. Hooyah! -
fragglesrock said on Nov 18, 2008....
nick's in indy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was all cheezin' to see your post!!!!!!!! -
Bosun said on Nov 18, 2008....
Fair winds and following seas SlickNick. Hope to see you again in the new year.