• missfickle said on Aug 21, 2006....

  For someone who has been through so much; 'self denial' maybe a subliminal survival mechanism. (If we pretend its not happening then we can cope with it.)
  
  Doing the 'right thing' can lead to self deprivation, which in turn could be a form of self denial.
  
  Fear can be a survival mechanism or a hindrance, as fear envelopes as in a prison of 'self denial' this is a paradox which confuses so many of us.
  
  Sometimes to break free, we need to face fear.
  
  Doing so can be upsetting, but it can also be exciting, and bring fresh insight and help us evolve into a spirit who is true to oneself.
  
  You are just metamorphasising, from the chrysalis into the butterfly.
  Release your fear, you may then begin to know who you truely are.
  Fly on by sweet butterfly
  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 21, 2006....

  alyss: people become accustomed to denying themselves things. the reasons why are many: they want to sacrifice for something or someone else, most commonly.
  
  self-denial can be a good thing, but like so many traits, is dangerous if allowed to run unchecked, IMHO, b/c one never learns how to do what one wants for oneself.
  
  JMHO.
  
  ed
  

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 21, 2006....

  Someone told me once that I would rather be miserable than to hurt people to break free of my situation. That person may be right. Is that how you feel?
  
  CW
  

• secretlife said on Aug 21, 2006....

  I think missfickle had a valid point alyss - sometimes we want to believe so badly in something - we grasp at what we think will make us complete and turn our lives around - this can be a type of survival mechanism. You give yourself something to hope for - and something to believe in.
  
  There has to be some balance. You must believe in your heart that you matter enough to put you (and what you want) first some of the time.
  
  And you have to be able to speak out loud what you want. Don't be afraid to SAY IT.
  

• JadeLondon said on Aug 22, 2006....

  We all do it at times.
  
  Don't feel bad for being human. Since I don't know the entire basis of your dilemma, I want to make sure that I don't throw some blanket statement out there.
  
  All I can say is if you realize that your life is taking a turn that doesn't look good, then try to step back and look at yourself. But don't feel as if you have made some 'fatal error'.
  
  As far as self-sacrificing, we all have to do it at some time or another. There are several points in my existence (in the most recent years) where I have made decisions based on my children and not myself.
  
  Sacrificing of self is akin, in some ways, to a safety net.
  
  If I am talking in circles, sorry.
  
  I hope you don't think me preachy. I certainly don't feel qualified to give advice. Especially in light of my current situation.
  

• Alyss said on Aug 22, 2006....

  MissFickle I was going to say that it's definately more to do with 'doing the right thing' rather than a subliminal survival response but as I typed that I found myself wondering if indeed you are correct.
  
  CW that has certainly been the way of things in the past.
  
  SW I am beginning to see and understand that. I am still seriously considering what I want to do for myself.
  
  SL the difficulty is always in deciding what the 'what I want' is and not basing it on someone else's wants. Rationally I know I have to focus on me the individual and not any of the other roles I play but it is hard to do.
  
  Jade you didn't sound at all preachy. I'm just reevaluating things and trying to see the woods from the trees.
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 22, 2006....

  [hugs alyss again]
  
  ed
  

• Alyss said on Aug 22, 2006....

  SW; Trout slaps & hugs in one evening? People will start to talk! :D
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 22, 2006....

  ROFL!
  
  :>
  
  ed
  

• missfickle said on Aug 22, 2006....

  I have learnt that there are times when we are not even conscious of the way our own survival mechanism works.
  I just happened to say 'self denial may be a survuval mechanism' as having therapy a few years ago, I realised how I coped with stuff when I was a child.
  knowing what I know about you, (which isn't much, but your childhood memories have struck a cord with me) I wondered if you may have subconsciously been doing the same.
  I hope all your dreams come true xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  

• marysaaka said on May 24, 2007....

  Wow, it's good to feel human emotions.

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