love? like?

theres this guy i know, ryan, who i like with every cell of my body. like i dont even know how to say it. when he grabs my hand to chain (making a giant line of people at the mall) electric shocks go throughout me. when he hugs me i feel so at home and safe and perfect and where i should be. when i sit in his lap i feel like i belong there with his arms around me. every hug and every thouch leads to an amlost impossible-to-control urge to kiss him. when im not with him i feel like crying

and the thing is, he likes me. but he also likes my friend, and doesnt know wo he likes more. when he was dating is ex i told him he should sit back and relax until he figured out who he liked more and if he still couldnt figure it out that he should just go with her because he likes her and she likes him. well him and taylor (his ex) broke up testerday. him and addrienne (my friend) started (unofficially) dating today

so i was at the mall, ryan was there, addrienne was there. at first it was fun to see addrienne after a month but all she would do is listen to her ipod, hold ryans hand, hug ryan, and stay with ryan. i was with them the whole time, watching them be happy together. and dont get me wrong, im absolutely happy for him. but when they kissed i practically died. i turned on my ipod, closed my eyes, but the image was still in my head. i hate this

ryan can tell im sad and he kept telling me to smile but i couldnt smile a real smile. this is all terribly confussing. i mean i wanted them to go out so he wouldt like anyone else when i date him and knwing theyre together only makes me a little sad but seeing them together rips me apart. i can barely think anymore. i feel horrible