Saturday was my birthday. 25 years ago, my mother was involved with a soon to be divorced man, and got pregnant. At first, my mother didn't want to have children at all, but somehow decided to have a child. November 8, 1983, I was born. Throughout my 25 years on Earth, I have been through a lot of good and bad things.
My relationship with a my mother has not been good at times. Her addiction to drugs has made it hard for a relationship to happen becuase she stayed all the time and away from me. Most of life, my grandmother and I stayed close and have a good relationship.
My father was never around in my life. He was around for the first few years of life, but after that my father stop coming around. During my childhood, I would have question, but they were always brushed to the side about my father and what reasons he was never there. As I got older, I just live with the facts that he is not here and won't be here.
I always tell my friends that they are lucky to have at one or both good parents available because in your life, at times you don't have to look for attention, love, and a connection. Some of the years that I have lived, I would look for some attention and do things where my mother had no choice, but to be proud and to loved. Or if she didn't, I would find it through having friends or relationship with men that just wanted sex.
Over the years, I have learned that you got to forgive people. I was watching a Tyler Perry play called Madea's Class Reunion and Madea talks about forgiveness because in order for your life to be better, you have to forgive yourself and others for the things that were done in your life. Once you forgive, that anger slowly goes away and within time things will get better.
When I came back home, my mother was sick becuase of her addiction and she needed me, I came back home to help 'cause I love my mother. I had a conversation with my mother about her addiction and I told her that I forgive her all the wrong things that she has done. Now, she relapse back into drugs and I try to be there, I can't help at times to be sad and defeated because I feel that I did not do enough, but right now that wondering what is going to happen in my life where I don't know if I will live to see another 25 years, but I had to forgive myself again, because I did everything that I could and I am still trying.
I want things in my life to get better and they will because I don't and won't stop until they do. At 25, I see good things, bad things, history being made and wonderful moments. I know there will be more.
