[SC readers - continued from Part 1]
Once there, you got me to spread my legs wide
with my skirt hitched up high, my hands behind my head and my eyes closed
tight. It left me beautifully vulnerable as I felt your hands on my thighs,
pushing me open further.
I cringed as you looked through my toy drawer, as I’ve never cleaned it out.
It’s got old toys and books and bits and pieces in it, as well as my favourites
– and yes...well...your comment about my vast array of condoms made me laugh.
There are perfectly valid explanations for how I ended up with so many packets
in there, I promise! (one of which being that I had bought the unopened one on
the way home from work that very night after I couldn’t remember if I had any and
simply wasn’t going to take the chance of that
interfering with me getting sex that night! ;)
One point for future reference – my patented (well, not quite) method for
ensuring that toys don’t turn themselves on in my drawer in the middle of the
night (and the batteries don’t leak if they don’t get used for a while) is to
turn one of the batteries around the wrong way; thus, to the uninitiated, they
all appear to have flat batteries; but by opening up the case and flipping the
“odd one out”, many of them will spring to life. Well, actually, all of them,
once I go through and pitch the broken ones :-)
I should also get a new vibe in silicone eventually to replace the one you were
using in the end, as I had forgotten that it was made of the ‘jelly’ that most
vibes and toys are made of. Long term use of that irritates my skin (learnt
that the hard way!), so most of my jelly-based toys went out long ago.
Hmmm...yes, I realise this email is pretty epic now, but I’ll push on...
Although, what can I really say about what happened next? Maybe, wow. I think
wow pretty much covers it ;)
After teasing me with the vibe for a while, you put my cuffs on and secured my
wrists to the bed head, stretched out, and a cloth over my eyes in preparation
for a most amazing sexual experience. Tightly restrained and with nothing to
focus on but what was happening inside me, I did exactly as you said and just
let myself go.
To that end, I haven’t heard anything from the Body Corporate, so I’m guessing
there were no complaints from my neighbours!
I said I felt vulnerable when I was first on the bed, but during sex I found
another level of vulnerability where I was no longer even aware of how I was
responding or reacting and was truly, for the most part, in the moment. This is
a type of exposure beyond nakedness or even submission, but was a part of me
that was revealed, with no filters, no checkpoints, no boundaries.
It may sound funny in some ways, but you’re really training my body to slow
down in terms of building to orgasms. I’ve noticed this week, when I’ve played
with my toys, that it’s taken a lot longer to climax but that it’s been much
stronger when I finally have.
I’m pleased that I was able to suck you off afterwards, as you’d given me so
much that night, it was an opportunity to give something back. It still feels
awkward at the time in terms of finding a rhythm and working out what
techniques to use or not use and how to put them together, but I realise this
has a lot to do with practice and, like anything, eventually it just feels
right to do things in a particular way. It’s a bit like how a musician turns a
handful of notes into a solo, that can be different every time he plays it, but
always sounds good because he just knows how to put it together.
Obviously, if there is anything in particular that you like or don’t like or
any advice you have, it’s always more than welcome.
It was actually less than an hour after you’d left that night, as I was still
wandering around the apartment, a little dopey :-), when my inner tyrant
started up, telling me that you were going to be so completely put off by my
somewhat primal response during sex, that I probably wouldn’t hear from you
again. This tyrant archetype is certainly not new, although I used to follow it
blindly when I was younger and take its criticism as gospel. This time, I just
told that little voice to put a sock in it for the night, and that I’d email
you the next day and sort it out. Then I was able to go back to enjoying the
feeling of post-sexual bliss :-)
Well, I think that’s the longest email to date, so after not being able to
write a thing, I’ve now practically written a book, lol! Maybe that’s why I
resisted – I felt that there was literally so much to think about, to process,
to share, that I was a bit intimidated by the task.
I look forward to catching up again soon (hopefully tomorrow...well, today by
now!) and thanks again, not only for a wonderful experience culminating in
Monday night, but for your immediate reassurance the next day when I realised I
couldn’t think straight until I’d spoken to you and made sure everything was ok
(which concerns me a little, tbh, as I shouldn’t really be relying on anyone
else’s response to determine my own emotional well-being, but I’m working on
it, and I appreciated your response in the meantime :-)
Respectfully,
Dru xx
MissDrusilla posted on Nov 10, 2008
| views: 187
Comments
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pusscat said on Nov 10, 2008....
It is truly wonderful the way you are letting us experience this in 'book-style'. Should I find you not here for more than 2 days, I would be bombarding you with private messages to "get on with it" ha ha!
The excitement and wonder that is created by your Dom and your learning is quite palpable :-) Lovely to read - it really is.
"I shouldn’t really be relying on anyone else’s response to determine my own emotional well-being". I found this a little strange and hard at first as an independent person but, when i thought more about it, it began to make sense. My Sir was the one giving me those emotions so it became logical to consult with him about those emotions (hope that makes sense).
Another thing I love and meant to mention it before (but I get side-tracked so easily LOL!) is the way you kept your promise to keep the original sponitiety in the mails when posting. No matter what age us subs are, when we get that excitement within our writings, no one would ever know we were not 21!
A pure delight to read :-))
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MissDrusilla said on Nov 13, 2008....
Oh, so no pressure then, right? lol - thanks again PC, it's lovely to know that the entries are being enjoyed.
I know what you mean about the emotions, but, though consulting is one thing, unconsciously looking to another person - *any* person - to determine how you feel about a particular situation isn't really an ideal situation. Apart from anything else, it puts a subtle (or sometimes not so subtle) pressure on that person to give the "right" response, or else risk causing the other pain, which isn't really fair on either person.
It's not a big deal, as in fact it does happen frequently in our lives whether we realise it or not, but I'd just rather stay aware of when it is happening and work towards becoming more self-sufficient in that respect, rather than setting up what can easily become a co-dependence with my Dom, as I feel that D/s relationships, probably more so than many others, lend themselves to emotionally imbalances and/or co-dependency for exactly the reason you described.
As such, I believe that Doms need to be responsible when setting tasks or creating situations which deliberately play on their sub's emotional state, but the sub still needs to take responsibility for the emotions they feel.
That's not to suggest that their Dom can't assist and support their sub through that process, of course, and that's the quality of a good Dom - I do think that's where what you mentioned comes into play.
Like everything in this scene though, in the end it comes down to what both people are comfortable with, what their beliefs are around topics like this and ultimately what works for them.
For me, because of work I'm doing outside of the relationship, it's of particular importance to me that I maintain independent emotional stability and as such you'll probably see similar references like the one in this entry in future posts from me. Most people I know would say that I analyse things too much, although for me it's more about seeing and understanding what's really going on in any situation. If it becomes too much of a mental exercise then it becomes over-analysis which is less constructive.
I'm glad the format is working well, in terms of just posting the emails "as is" and, although I can't promise something every 2 or 3 days, lol, I should be able to maintain a reasonble level of consistency (because there's always something to say to one's Dom, right? :-)
Dru xx
Comment on "Reflections on Monday night (long!) *Part 2*"
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