it's been ages since i blogged here. i started on this blog for the whole anonymous feel to it. my friends started a livejournal account for me but what's the point when they're updating themselves on each of our lives on a daily basis.

 

a lot has been happening. history is repeating itself just when i thought everything is over. it's like getting rescued after being washed ashore on some deserted island only to be caught in a shipwreck again. i get fate. i understand that life will hand you shit to make you a stronger person. i will not whine or complain as to why life is doing this and things like that. but i do not get us homosapiens. why do we make selfish decisions that would affect others as well? why can't they see that they're doing more harm to those who truly care about them? why do humans make such dumb decisions? if the consequences would only affect you, fine by all means, make your decision at your own risk. but that's not the case. so why are you being so selfish, greedy and thoughtless? i get fate. i dun get humans.

 

i thought it was going to be over. i thought you stopped lying. but now you're telling us you have nvr told the truth on this?? we're family. related by blood. does that mean anything to you at all? why are you trying to pit me against my own family? because you're my family?

 

i'm tired of keeping this to myself. i'm tired of wondering when this will all explode as it is meant to. i'm tired of pretending to be so happy and jovial for everyone else. the sis once mentioned that she would love to be in my position. to be the happy go lucky one. news flash for you sis - it takes more to be this happy. it's a battle to remind urself to put aside ur own pain, insecurities, sorow and just slap on a big stupid grin on your face for all of your sake. i'm tired of grinning. i'm tired of pretending everything's alright in school, it's not. my friends just could not see it or im a better actress than i thought. everyone in school thinks i'm just a serious person because i don't bother pretending to be oh so jovial when im not at home. i used to be a happy person. i used to laugh at he smallest thing. i used to take delight in the tinist detail like the feel of rain on your naked skin. used to.