• fragglesrock said on Nov 08, 2008....

  i have nothing witty, clever, or humorous to help.
  fuck man, i can't imagine what seeing a pic of the ex w/ the new one would do to me. it sounds like your ex might be confused right now (weight gain, smoking), but i think most everyone that breaths is confused about something or another.  she very well may be suffering too. just because a relationship dies it doesn't mean the feelings do.  if she is confused she needs to figure it out on her own, and she will.  you can't save her from herself, from others, or from mistakes.  it is so raw how much you still love her, and that is okay, to still love her.  it's okay to feel hurt from the picture you saw.  that's all normal.  here's some hard questions for you...do you love her enough to let her make mistakes? do you love her enough to let her work through her confusion?  do you love her enough to want her to be happy, even if it causes you pain? as always, i give no answers, only more questions..........let the tears roll if you need...i promise they will not last forever.

• gingersoul said on Nov 09, 2008....

  Nick...i passed through the same thing....My daughter one day wanted to show me some pictures she took of his father and his new home.....well...there he was hugging and kissing his new wife...yes, he had gained weight and lost some hair...but he was there with her and not with me.
  
  We were already divorced and, like you, for a while i tried to convince myself that he was in denial, he was unhappy, that he would have figured out soon or later the mistake he made leaving me...
  
  No way. It was what it was.
  Those pictures sent me back to square one after months of trying to forget, move on...
  It has been a horrible day for me...but....now i can look at any pictures of them and feel nothing...
  
  And so will you too. Just give time to time. Trust me. But stop trying to figure out her life. You don't know her and her life anymore and its none of your business too.
  
  Focus on yourself, Nick. Find your own happiness again.

• SlickNick said on Nov 09, 2008....

  Frags - Thank you for your comment. The fact that you always have been here to help me means a lot to me. I emailed my ex and told her exactly what I feel. I just told her I loved her and there was nothing I could do about that, but that I loved her enough to want her to be happy. I hope she understands. I don't know if she will ever completely understand how I feel about her and how us being apart feels so wrong. All I can do is breathe with a tear in my eye and walk away. 

• SlickNick said on Nov 09, 2008....

  Thanks ginger, Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish and that it's not about me anymore. It's so hard to let go even after you feel like you already have moved on. I have been talking to someone new but I feel guilty because I am going to bootcamp soon and it just wouldn't be right to leave her just as we are getting to know one another. She is a paramedic and I like her a lot. Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm just supposed to be alone. I don't know. 

• gingersoul said on Nov 09, 2008....

  Nick...no, you are not supposed to be alone. Nobody is.
  
  You are too demanding about your feelings. It seems like you think there is a scheduled program to be followed in this matter....but there is not.
  
  Your set backs are perfectly natural and understandable. You had some and you will have more.
  About that girl..take it easy...you are leaving...she will stay...if its something meant to be in your life there will be ways for this new thing to blossom. Otherwise you will have a lot more occasions. Only this should tell you that you are in the right path to heal...open up, talk, share and dont feel guilty....:-)
  

• fragglesrock said on Nov 09, 2008....

  nick....you dirty little devil you! you've been holding out on us?! tut...tut!  a paramedic?! did you have her give you mouth to mouth yet? ;) 

  ***fraggles doing the cabbage patch and singing***

  "Go, go, go! go nick, it's your birfday, gonna party like it's your birfday, gonna drink bacardi like it's your birfday, and you know you don't even give a fuck cuz it's your birfday!!!!!"

  sorry, don't know what came over me there ;)

  seriously though, let me know how the e-mail was received.  so painful. so painful if she responds negatively, so painful if she doesn't respond at all.  i

  i must say thank you to you too.  you've always cheered me on and i appreciate that.  i feel ya about being alone, i've been pushing people away because i'm not ready to not be alone yet.  what can i say i'm a complicated fraggle.

• winterslight said on Nov 09, 2008....

  ok nick it is your fave buddy who says fuck her!!!!!!!
  i am such a man when i say this.. she  is  just another peace of ass in a sea of fish!
  god hate the enter man in me..... but hun it is true... i love my husban  but if he left fine!
  i wasnt looking when i found him and i will find another.. will it hurt. ya will i cry ya. but you no what hun.  he is replaceable.
  the only thing in  my  life i cant replace is my kids and my family!
  love comes and it goes.
  will you love again. yep! it wont be the same and it will be  diffrent,
  will you love the ex 4ever yes. why because you gave her part of your heart.
  but it dont mean she has it all.
  she was a turn in your road of life that you  took and got hurt on. was she a mistake? no she was  a  bump in this crazy world that you hit and  now you get to pick up and learn all over again!
  who cares if she is unhappy now. that is her life now. what you need is to worry about nick.
  and make nick happy.
  cause you cling on to a dead thing is killing you inside more everyday.
  if you got her back it would only end wrong.  and be more painfull.
  so get your ass up take a shower and go for a walk and just enjoy your day...
  dont look for love! your not ready. you will  be that rebound guy. and hurt that girl.
  ok manily talk again... sorry  you need to  find you a girl that only wants a booty call.. no strings no love...
  plus trust me women are bitches if she got back with u it would be cause she nos you take her back and your just a filler until she  finds the next  fool!
  nick your a great guy. but you cant do this no more to yourself.
  hey idea do you like  dogs  or cats? if you do and dont have one  go get a pet!!!!
  i no i sound like a bitch and i tell it stright and sorry about that... but u need that you need  a friend to rip that bandaid off not softy take it off.
  smile nick your worth more than you let urself no!!

• yani said on Nov 09, 2008....

  Nick we are on the same boat man, I just finished going through my ex's  friendster account and damn! I am back in the pits! aren't we a miserable lot? :)
  
  take a deep breath......live one day at a time...that's the only thing i keep telling myself, hope that works for you.
  

• SlickNick said on Nov 09, 2008....

  Frags - I just started talking to her but I have joked about the whole mouth to mouth thing. LoL!
  We are both the complicated type so I understand. She has not responded yet so yeah it hurts but I knew she wouldn't.
  Thanks for the song haha!
  
  Winters - Your post made me laugh although I really took what you had to say very seriously. I don't think you are a bitch for giving it to me straight, I think far from that actually. I appreciate you being honest with me. Thank you for your insight. ;)
  
  Yani - Hi there, thanks for posting! I wonder often why I still look at my ex's myspace page. I guess it was because I felt the need to protect her still like I used to when we were together. I wanted to always shield her from harm when we were together. I guess it's hard to break the habit. By joining the Navy I have forced myself away from this kind of behavior and also forced myself to deal with being alone and self sufficent. I just hope it was the right move. We shall see in time I suppose. I really sincerely hope that you get through your pain too yani. We may be a miserable lot but at least it is better than feeling nothing at all. At least we know we are both caring and loving people.
  

• andora said on Nov 09, 2008....

  the only thing worse than rejection is the death of someone you love. it is quite similar to a death, the death of who you were together. I had a heart attack once after i was dumped by the man i thought was my soulmate...i couldn't imagine ever making love to another man...i spent years alone after that...it took me into places i never knew i had, but mostly it made me doubt my perspectives. self-doubt ate me for lunch! I kept my ears open for any thoughts that were like self-rejection or vindictive, whenever those thoughts came up, i ran to my best friend and confessed my evil thoughts..that kept me from acting upon those thoughts and kept me from lashing out at him for doing what he thought was best for him. Now, 6 years later and after two other relationships, he tells me he does not believe he will ever come close to matching what we had. he's getting a visa and is coming from the opposite side of the planet to see me again.
  
  I'm not sharing this to make you believe that this could happen for you, i am asking you to take care of yourself by being self-aware and not settlling for what you do not want. If another man had come forward in the past 6 yrs that i was more attracted to, then I would have seen my x's leaving as a blessing. Either way there is always love coming forward in my life...my challenge is to not project what others should do, and stick to taking care of myself.
  
  i created a sexual game that helps me to get to know someone intimately before we ever move sexually. This way, i can learn a lot about a potential lover long before we make love. This is how i have been able to keep my inner sanctum less confusing.
  
  my heart goes out to all the aching hearts here
  
  blessings
  

• andora said on Nov 09, 2008....

  oh, and i forgot to say,
  
  slicknick you sound very healthy to me...i wouldn't be too hard on yourself for loving deeply...you deserve reciprocation
  
  good luck in the navy
  

• SlickNick said on Nov 10, 2008....

  andora - Never seen you before, welcome! Thanks for your posts. I could understand what you meant but was a little sketchy on the sexual game part. So its a sexual game without actually being physical? Maybe I just don't have the full picture there. I wish you luck with your ex but I would be afraid that maybe you might be setting yourself up to get hurt again. Of course people change and maybe he has sincerely seen the error in his past ways. Whatever happens I wish you the best and send you both my blessing. 

• winterslight said on Nov 10, 2008....

  nick stick with me a ex is a ex! no going back! you won that got the tee shirt! and now your mailing it  back to the new man with it saying enjoy my left overs cause i wore that shit out!!!
   
  god i really need more girlfriends!  being around men all my life i talk like them ewww.
   
  any who have a great day nick!

• SlickNick said on Nov 10, 2008....

  oh my god winters that was funny as hell!

• yani said on Nov 10, 2008....

  well NIck when you put it that way....better hurt than not having feelings at all....i guess we're not as miserable hahahaha when do you think we'll stop peeking into their accounts? hehehe when i see me peeking and reading into his account, i look pathetic ugh! i hope i'll stop doing that soon, you do the same. Hey there Winter! can I be one of your girl friends? you sound like the kind of friend i need right now, someone to kick my butt for being stupid hahahahah

• SlickNick said on Nov 10, 2008....

  Yani - I have no idea when we'll stop looking at their accounts. I hope soon cause I don't think it's good for us. Why do you feel like you are being stupid? And yes winterslight is awesome.

• winterslight said on Nov 10, 2008....

  yani you sure can hun! and you will never stop looking at them!:(
  cause u have that hope you will find them misable!
  and  for you hun there is more dogs in the  pound,
  i no i sound all tuff! i have had my heart broke.
  but  i dont worry about it.
  because  i met a wonderful man loved him as  hard as i could. we had great times to smile at.
  and he taught me to dance in the rain!
  and i moved on and took that and shared it with a new love and turned it ino a new memory!
  i have said it before people you date and merry are replaceable!
  take the good times and smile and thank them for that and no there is more out there.
  your heart was made to be able to love many people! not 1  only cause if it was this would be a lonely world!
  it will hurt. but pain is a way to no your still alive! and  you will find the next love in your book.
  do what i did i merryed my best friend! we laugh we have fun. and  when i got with him i looked at him and said could i still laugh with him when were old and things dont work. ya  i could...
  also he  put up with me lol!
  heck  if u and nick were close you to should hook up and rag on the exs lol!
  and ou no what they are looking at ur pages to! to see what ur doing!

• yani said on Nov 10, 2008....

  winter! ahahahahaha nick why don't we get together and have an EXs party! yeah! ahahaha

  now you're making sense....perhaps he's also looking through my account ahahaha that's a nice thought :)

  the best is yet to come eh?

   

• wishyouwerehere said on Nov 10, 2008....

  The heartache does fade in time, Nick - as others have said.  There is no shame in admitting that you still love her.  I will love my ex- until the day I draw my last breath, even after knowing he was unfaithful.  It is what it is - my heart is permanently drawn to him, but every once in a while, my mind is kind enough to recall just why I left.   I deserved better, Nick - love and devotion should be appreciated and reciprocated.  You deserve better also!

  Grieving is natural, but avoid hanging on to the past so tightly that there is no room to receive what the future may have to offer - I am now at a place that I would have never anticipated in days gone by.  It's true that I probably wouldn't have chosen to walk this road, but where it's actually led has been a true blessing.  I hope the same will be true for you - Wishy

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