Hi Master, it has been a hard day, I have been feeling down. I forgot to take some of my meds yesterday and I think that is really messing with my mood.
I have been thinking about you all day. I've been wondering how you are. I've been fantasizing about you as, well (of course!) but to tell you the truth not all my thoughts are positive. I have just been doubting myself (as a sub) a lot. My head is playing tricks on me it makes me think that i'm not enough for you. Every little thing that does (or doesn't happen) makes me question myself. I love you so much -I don't expect you to love me back even though I hope that you could. Wow I'm just sitting at my desk in tears. I don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm always focusing on my fears and abilities when really I should be focusing on you. Everytime i send you an email it's all about me, i don't know how you stand it! It's so selfish of me and i do realize i do it. but know one knows about us, which leaves me with only you talk about this with. I'm trying to change my whole mindset -i don't want to be doubtful and negative all the time because I don't want all my stupid stuff to push you away. I don't want to be away from you ever again. But it's hard to change the way you think!
I'm questioning whether or not I should send this, but I think it's really important that you know what I'm thinking. It's not like you can guess! But I hope this doesn't upset you. It all stems from my devotion for you -it's this desire i have to make sure i'm doing everything in my power to please you. i think I do need this -i do need a Master in my life. Correction, i need my Master. When I give up all controll to you i feel so complete -it's the part of me that's missing. Following your orders, cumming on command, feeling your cum drip down my throat after a nice long blow job- these are all things that bring me pleasure if only because they bring you pleasure. i do need to be able to worship and please my Master, that is just the way it is. but my emotions are a mess right now, and sometimes i don't think you should have to deal with all my shit. But i do always feel like sharing this kind of thing with you is a good thing. But maybe i'm wrong. i don't know if you want this kind of thing to be part of us. i don't know if i'm good enough for you.
ok i guess i'm done. i'm sorry if sending this was the wrong choice.
love always
pet