I'm currently reading Paulo Coelho's book, By The River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept. Even if it is a short book, I still haven't finished reading it because I'm savoring every word that I read. And the passage that I quoted in the description quite say where I am at the moment.
In the last couple of months, I've tried running away from all the complications that relationships or even love provides. I always wanted to be in control. I always want to be secured. But then, life does not work that way.
In the last couple of years, I am angry with my mom. Yes, angry. Angry because she exhibits weakness that she dared not show when my dad was still alive. I was angry because she keeps on meddling with my life. I was angry because she kept treating me like a kid. I was angry because when she starts treating me like an adult I feel that she's taking advantage of me.
In the last year, I was angry with my sister, for bullying me, for picking on me, and for saying things that really hurt. I was angry because she tries to get something out of me.
Slowly, I'm trying to let go of my anger. I try to be the best person that I can be. Its a slow process, but I'm getting there. I think my family life is much better now than it was a year ago.
As for relationships, I'm still in limbo. I've three choices, Jason, Jet, and Jc. All J's. By the way, my nickname is Jackie, so that's a square.
Jason is part of the choice because we have history, and when he is not busy, he really is fun to talk to and be with, and we are trying to work things out.
Jet is straight forward and speaks his mind. He is funny in his own way.
JC is a good guy who reminds me a lot of Jason when we were just starting out.
As for now, I still am in limbo for the choice. Life is indeed strange. Kudos to Paulo Coelho.
