Hey everyone.  I am completely NEW here, and wish people would just kind of drop in and say hey!!!  I would like to meet some people on here whose blogs I can get interested in.  I hate being new here or anywhere for that matter.  So, I will tell you a little bit about me.  I have started about 5 different blog sites over the course of the last 3 years... and end up making one post and then dont get back on there forever and myaccount ends up being shut down.  I look around and found SC... hopefully I can meet people with my same "problems" which is what I call it!  I have three beautiful children, and a husband who is about as distant as all get out right now.  Our entire marriage has been up and down. Looking back on it, i realize that.  My stupid ass still loves the shit out of him.  He says he loves me... but he sure doesnt show it!   Its insane!  Which is kinda why I got the blog.  Just need a place to vent and some advice!  Hopefully I will get that here.  Plus it helps me to be able to write.  I have pulled myself out of depression by writing before.... everyone is different, but writing almost saved my life.  Sounds weird i know, but its so true!   I had a very rough childhood and looking back on it.... i had everything a kid needed, but somehow I wasnt happy enough, or loved enough in my opinion... etc  I am very judgemental to how my mother raised me.  She is still married to my dad, and has been all these years.  They have never had a problem.  Well, she left him once... but she was back in 2 weeks and that never happened again!  I love my parents, they have pulled me out of more holes than I can count... but still I am unhappy with my childhood.... and worry if i am inflicting the same pain on my kids.  I pray that Im not.  I dont have alot of friends off of the computer, because i have 3 kids! lol  they keep me busy busy busy and I am ok with that.... but it would be nice to be able to go out and just have another girl to talk to... without having to load up my kids.  For that matter it would be nice to just spend time with my husband without having to cut up my kids food before we eat and so forth.  I cant remember the last supper me and my hubby has had where I didnt sit down to a cold plate of food because it took me so long to get the kids dealt with.  I love them dont get me wrong.  But is it so wrong to want to go out to a restaurant without your kids....?!  Maybe this is why my marriage is so damn rocky!  Who can get a word in edgewise around here?!  I sure cant, unless i am talking to someone under the age of 6!!  My daily routine is "cook clean get the kids dressed change the diapers make the lunch, make sure everyone has clean clothes, cook, clean again cause with three kids it can stay clean for long!" then i fight to get them in the bed... and I go to sleep my self.  Only to get awoken 3 times before morning, just so i can start it all over.  And as for intimacy.... haha that is funny.  there is none right now.  by the end of the day, i am so tired i could give a shit about sex... and money is tight, our bills arent paid etc etc so hubby is stressed so he isnt interested either.  Life blows right now! Period.  So everyone say hey to me so i can go visit some blogs.... :)  Thanks.  Please dont insult me... that is so not why i am here.  It seems like such a nice place to blog... and i mean no offense, but there is that one or two people everywhere who just want to trash.  Please dont.