I feel an utter breech in personal security.  It's bad enough that people have put their hands on me in violence.  The mind reading and the turds who go out of their way to make me paranoid are just too much to deal with.  I actually was stupid enough to try and go back to church one more time.  When it got to be prayer time, I felt as though they were all praying as though I was a large problem.  I don't know if it's just a challenge to my perception created by the devil or the actual people pulling this shit.  Either way, I refuse to continue to get stressed beyond reason because people think it's fun and games.  I know that Gabby used to enjoy violating my sense of security.  I also know for fact that others have done it too.  I shouldn't have to tolerate christians passing judgement on me, but apparently do.  I can't wait until they are judged in the same way that they judge me just as their precious bible states.  I think that I'm going to stick wth keeping to myself for the most part from now on.  People have been playing major games with my head within the past few years.  I don't like it.  I would rather be alone than to tolerate the shit.  I need to be free from this nightmare.  I don't know how many times I must express that.  Apparently, freedom really isn't obeying the God of the bible, at least not for me.  The religion disturbs me.  I feel very sorry for the one that they call Jesus.  He should have never suffered the pain that he did just because people couldn't keep their mouths shut like he asked about the miracles he performed.  It is because of their mouths that he died at the cross.  Christians say that he died for our sins.  I think that he died because he was gentle and healing towards others.  From what I have learned about humanity, there is no room for real good people here.  There are too many others that want to fuck them all up and destroy them.  I see now that some of these people are christians.  I went to the church to try and find peace.  Instead I recieved hell.  I did not see anything holy within the people of the church.  I just saw hypocrisy.  I can not follow that.  I need to be around non-judgemental people.  If I can't be around that kind of person, I need to be surrounded by positive folks.  If I can't find any of them, I need to be alone.  At least when I am alone, and no one can see me, I am free.  That seems to be the only time that I am free.  Part of me wishes that I had finished disappearing during the last suicide attempt.