These streams seem to come readily to me.

I should have known, but didn't realize, the consequences would be far more reaching than just a few days of adjustment.  It's all going to take some time.  Then it will all change again.

These writings are so different from what's going on in the day to day life; sometimes I feel like two different people.

The food thing has cropped up again.  For the 3rd time in a year, some sort of self realization has made me overly pensive, my perceptions of the world around me rather ethereal and given me quite an aversion to solid food.

Lately, I've contemplated feeling like the Hunchback of Notre Dame (HND), or at least my perceptions of the character which are probably disneyfied enough to make the true literary scholar cringe.  Certainly, I am not pretty enough to be Rapunzel, nor am I waiting for someone to rescue me.  But I am most definitely on the outside of nearly every social group or setting that I can ever recall being in.

One on one, I fare a little better, but groups?  I'm on the outside of everyone one of them and I am the last to integrate.  I'm not blaming anyone and I acknowledge that I don't do things to help myself very much in this area.  Anymore, I'm not sure that I want to.  Some of the social things that come so easily to others do not come so easily to me. 

Realizations, past and present, have made me feel very alone of late.  Not lonely, but alone.  Humanity, commonly unique, yeah? 

Strangely, maybe it's a good thing that I'm trying to stop trying to fit in.  There's some appreciation in my own bell tower and uninspiring appearance.  Maybe it's my own acceptance.

There are still connections that I want to be able to make.

Isn't it strange that sometimes in my thoughts I should like to be someone's or a very few someones' queer little secret?