The past 3 days my lower back has been killing me. It is to the point where I can barely pick up my infant daughter. I think it has something to do with this elephant. A million different cliche's could describe it. But only 2 people, well 3, have completely lived it.
My white elephant is that I have been in an abusive relationship for the past 18 months. I am still in said relationship, virtually no one knows how bad it's been. I have talked to my husband about this several times recently, in tears begging for him to reconsider his actions. Even I have become so wicked and nasty, spewing hate and disgust from my mouth at every opportunity. Of course it wasn't always like this. But the point is, it has to stop. Completely! We have agreed that it needs to stop and that we wish to stay together. But we have a long road ahead of us. The pain that goes along with all of the crazy events of the recent past is immense. I realize I have to process it or otherwise deal with it in a way that allows me to let go of it.
So here I am. I have been hit, pushed, cursed and threatened. The emotional trauma is unbearable. I can't continue hurting and being hurt. One way or the other it will end. I hope it ends happily, with my small family still together and even more loving. Can a marriage survive abuse? Sure, it's happened before. The real question is can this particular marriage survive abuse? It's to the point where it will only be a matter of months now. Either we grow up, wise up and become mature loving people to each other at all times, or it's splitsville.
I am naked, and even feel as if my own personal power has been stripped away from me. This will be a place where I freely discuss and process the feelings that burden me so much. As I release all these burdens, my strength will return and I won't be ashamed of being naked any more.
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DurgaRidesATiger posted on Nov 01, 2008
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Comments
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MsStar39 said on Nov 01, 2008....
Why do you put up with it? when you get tired of it and I hope will come to your senses before it's to late. There is help for you and your baby. -
XtinaX said on Nov 01, 2008....
Durga - I have also been in an abusive relationship, but not for 18 months, for 8 years. I have been hit only once, but have been emotionally and verbally abused for years. We separated for a while (blamed it on our jobs, but it was what it was - a separation, even if neither of us would speak the words out loud) and we are still together. Sometimes I think that it is because of our 2 children that I put up with it, sometimes I think that I am just too stubborn because of the turmoil that my own parents' divorce caused for me, emotionally. Most of the time, I am not sure why I am still with him. But I am, and I have no solid explanation when my friends and family ask me why. So if you need to talk, let me know...I've been (and am still) there. -
kitty_kat said on Dec 07, 2008....
This is one of those posts where i cannot pass it by and not leave a comment. i used to blog here under a slightly different name and in a mad moment deleted all my previous posts, now i am wishing that i kept a few so you can read them. i was abused in my previous marriage for 2 years, it slowly got worse and worse, and he even sexually abused me on our wedding night. i didn't leave until it was too late. my ex husband ended up breaking bones (mine) and leaving me broken and destroyed in a hospital bed whilst our daughter was taken by my family to be cared for whilst i learned to eat and chew through something other than a straw. my only advice... get out whilst you can, you do not deserve this treatment, no man should ever, ever raise a hand to a person weaker or more defenseless than themselves and certainly never in anger. Please, if nothing else than for the sake of your daughter, seek help, get out and don't ever look back. PM me if you would like to talk.kkx
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