I was always an on-and-off religious person, I'd do things the right way, go to church - you know a good girl.

But somehow every time when I'm happiest with my life, my relationship with God and things are looking up, something truly ghastly happens and I get knocked off my little pedestal and into a dark corner where no angels are willing to go dig me out.
You should know that nothing happens to me in moderacy. (is that even a word? ag damn I'll use it anyway you know what I mean) 
My cat never dies a peaceful death so can can bury it. -  to put it mildly.

Anyhow after something like that happens I start questioning my religion and if it's even worth it to believe.
So I've been having one of those episodes for a while now and I have to add that it's been the worst one yet.

So last night I went to sleep and had the weirdest dream.

I dreamt that I died and went to a crossroads type thing and knowing that I've been bad and can't expect God to accept me into heaven I automatically took the path that leads to hell when suddenly a man (whom in my dream represented John or whoever it is that opens the gates to heaven) took me by the arm and said:

"I'ts never too late" and put me on a path to heaven, but before I could get there I had to walk through a forest or something with lots of weird obsticles that I had to climb over and crawl under.

And as I was making my way through these obsticles he asked me questions about things I knew I had done wrong in my life, like:

"why did you do drugs?"
"why didn't you wait for marriage?" (you know what I mean)
"why did you stray from the right path?"

and in my dream I had to answer all those questions to myself that I would never have answered if I were awake.

At the end of this long obsticle course in the forest stood a man on the edge of a cliff with a beautiful view below and as I approached Him I recognised him as God, he put his arms around me and said:
"it's never too late".

I felt that hug and His warmness inside me even as I woke up and it shook my entire being.

Today I know it was a sign from Him that I can still turn back and that he would forgive me even though I was the one to abandon Him.

And I grabbed my second or third (ah who cares Mischa, you got another chance!!!) with both hands and I am once again saved. :)