october 29 isn't over yet......................
I did some of the papers. They were pretty good. Taught a class. Modern novel. Not my favorite course to teach, but somebody's gotta do it.
I said recently that I was going to try taking a new look at animals, the look that Sehnen's been taking all her life. Of course we had pets growing up, and I don't dislike animals, but I guess I've always regarded them, especially household pets, as a kind of accessory that a lot of people like to have. I've also known a lot of people who seem to regard their animals as toys, and that's really disgusting to me.
So my new approach has begun with the animals that come to my backyard. Skunks, squirrels, different kinds of birds, possums, woodchucks. Sehnen tells me all the kinds of food to put out, and where to put the food for the skunks and racoons so they won't get used to eating right close to the house. I watch them eat, the ones who eat while it's still light, anyway. I think about things Sehnen has said to me: how individual they are, how their freedom looks great, but comes at a high price: their lives are constant struggle. I watch the squirrels and birds especially, and see that. All day long, the constant need to find food and water. The constant wariness of predators, of me. And the more I feed them, and see how they respond to me and to this yard as zones of relative safety and ease, the more I see how individual they really are. And how appreciative they are for any help in their tough lives. I've started naming some of them. Today I laid out food really quickly at 4:00, because I had someplace I had to be at 4:30. I hated leaving them before the supper was over. I got back at 5:15, but they'd already eaten everything and gone.
I left them eating,
left them happy,
safe as I could make them.
And were those tears in my eyes
as I walked away too soon,
before they'd eaten all?
Was that a painful tightening
in my throat
to know I couldn't stay
to see it through,
to say goodnight?
Yes, those things are truth.
A new truth in my new world
of new learning, new love.
New and warm, I hope,
for them.
New and warm for me,
provider of an easy meal...
I left them eating.
<*><*><*> c.right 2008 judahblue
17 sept 2-0-0-9: the unwanted tag "garce." it's a nice one actually, but I didn't put it there.
