Alyss posted on Oct 28, 2008
| views: 225
It's been a while since I posted here; life has just been ridiculously busy and I have basically been exhausted from trying to keep up with it all. Oh, and I have been sick. Again.
This week we are on vacation from work and school so we have had some down time to catch up on chores and to relax a little.
But, to be quite honest, I am finding it incredibly difficult to relax and can't settle to anything much, I have as they say, ants in my pants and I have been a little grouchy too.
Why you might ask? And my answer is both simple and complicated all at the same time.
I am waiting for ET.
And again you might be wondering why? And my answer is both simple and complicated...
Because he is coming here to visit.
So why the anxiety you might ask?
Because this time he will meet my children and so much rests on that. Fears and worries fill my head, crowding me out, and make it hard to think about the happiness I feel at his imminent arrival. My sleep has been filled with horrific nightmares and I have been waking more tired than when I went to bed.
What if they don't get on? What if one or the other of them does something and he cannot cope with it? What if they are ghastly to me in front of him and he is unable to stand back and allow me to manage it as it must be?
And my biggest fear, what if in order to be the best Mum I can be to them I have to say Goodbye to him?
He asked me this morning what was the matter and I told him that nothing was, which wasn't true. Not really.
So I am sorry beloved, but I couldn't find the words to explain. =(
Comments
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the_infernal_optimist said on Oct 28, 2008....
I can understand how this tears at your heart, Alyss, I really can. ((massive hugs))
I predict that although nothing ever goes perfectly, it just might come damned close. ;-) He loves you the way you deserve to be loved, and I think your children will be able to see that, and that it will help with what must be nerve-wracking for all involved.
Lots of hope and warm wishes for this venture. You two have been through so much already...surely this next step is not so great a leap in the end, you know?
~Infernal
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EvilTwin said on Oct 28, 2008....
Ah... Now I understand. <Draws you into a warm embrace> I'm saorry you have been having bad dreams... I wish it weren't so, but I do understand. But they are only dreams, love.We have talked about these things. And I will do everything I can to help this all work out. Even if it means that I must do nothing so you can manage things. I love you, and I want to be a part of your life. And a part of theirs. And I am more than willing to work together with all of you. We'll figure something out. It will be alright...It's kind of funny. I remember having some of these very same worries myself when we first talked, when we first opened up about how we felt about one another. But as things have moved forward, I have become more and more confident that we can make things work. I want them to, and I will do everything I can to make you happy.Everything will be fine, my love. I know it will.Gen Melin A'maelamin. -
CreativeWoman said on Oct 29, 2008....
Alyss,
I'm so happy that love and happiness has finally reached you. :-)
I have a little suggestion for you. I believe in affirmations and am trying to live in the moment. (Easier said than done with my history.) So, try saying this over and over when those worried thoughts enter your mind.
LOVE CONQUERS ALL
Positive thoughts will project positive outcomes.
My best to you.
CW
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EvilTwin said on Nov 03, 2008....
Gen Melin A'maelamin. I had a wonderful time, and I wish that I did not have to say goodbye again... I am hoping that you are not still worried about me meeting the girls. I really did enjoy spending time with them. =) But to be honest, not nearly as much as I enjoyed our time together...I love you Alyss.
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