• uniquely-ironic said on Oct 24, 2008....

  I take it that part of your uncomfortableness with this might be cultural?  I seriously doubt an american young lady would have any qualms about the M word if she had been dating that long.
   
  I think communication is the one most important thing for a happy relationship.  I think that maybe you should make the attempt with the bf and see what happens.  It might be that he's waiting for you to bring this up.

• diabolicdame said on Oct 24, 2008....

  u-i: No.. its not cultural.. people like to get married early.. a girl my age would probably not mind.. but I dunno what it is with me.. I just can't talk about it!! Now with my bf.. not with my dad!! Just writing this, I'm cringing a little bit. And I'm not commitment phobic.. not at all.. I'm thoroughly commited already. I don't understand it really either. I'm going all the way to a different country so we can be together.. but I can't bring up the M word with him. Something's wrong with me.

• uniquely-ironic said on Oct 24, 2008....

  well you obviously take it very seriously.  However, you do need to have some sort of talk about marriage before you get married.  If talking about marriage is hard, can you imagine talking about having children or other biggies?  If you're willing to go to another country, talking will be much easier :)

• diabolicdame said on Oct 24, 2008....

  hehehe.. yeah you're right.. "you do need to have some sort of talk about marriage before you get married".. hehehehe.. ok.. I'm going to start thinking about talking about it.. maybe it'll be easier if I get used to the idea.. I'm not breathing even as I type this!! maybe I should stop calling it the M word and spell m-a-r-r-i-a-g-e instead. Phew. That was a start! Thanks!    :-)

• Lucytorial said on Oct 24, 2008....

  Its just a little word, remember the commitment is already there, you know what you want maybe talk about it from that aspec with yoru bf, seriously marriage itself only changes the fact that you socially introduce each other as your partner to the world, you change your surname, you share a common name and a piece of paper.
   
  marriage itself is a deep friendship, a deep commitment and spiritual connection with someone you want to be with for life, talking this way about it means the M word is just another part of your journey together.. go for it, start talking

• diabolicdame said on Oct 24, 2008....

  I will take your advice and start talking. Or atleast try. You've put it beautifully.. the commitment is already there.. its just a word.. right.. thanks Luce!!

• ZsuzsiO said on Oct 25, 2008....

  I don't know how old you are, but you seem to be very young. Taking the fact that you are together for 5 years with the BF makes me assume that you - hopefully - some where around your early twenties?

  Let me tell you, marriage is NOT JUST A LITTLE WORD. Marriage is a very serious thing that is being over used and abused these days. People get married way too fast, and for all the wrong reasons, and today's economy and life style does not support the original purpose of what marriage used to be.

  Think about it this way: Why do you need to get married? Today you can live together and even become legal life partners, having most of the common bebefits of a marriage (if you lived together for over 5 years and split up, you can go to the court to solve out the financial "who gets what" situation too). So why get married? Well, I believe that you should get married once you really plan to start a family. When you are ready to have kids, and engage in the responsibilites that come for a life time once you become a mom. As a single mom of over 7 years I've learned that having kids is what will change your life, and not that piece of paper that makes you legally married. Therefore, before you are having kids you should make sure you have finished school and achived some kind of a financial security. You should have a stable job along with your partner, and the two of you should be able to live by the 70/30 rule - 70% of the total household income should be enough  for your monthly living, including bills, food, clothing, traveling and entertainment, while 30% should be set apart in savings (15% general for your futura kids, 15% for your retirement). Of course, this is an ideal picture drawn by financial advisers, and it is very hard to live by, but if you can at least say, that you both have a decent job, pay the bills and put a little bit aside, you are close enough.  You should be able to stay at home with your children for at least a couple of months after giving birth, OR have a clear understanding with your partner about how to deal with the change in your lives. Having a baby, or babies is a huge change of life style, and the first couple of months are the most important for both mother and baby. You should make sure that you and your partner have similar goals for your lives, and have a similar idea of how to achieve them. These goals shoul include the both of you, because if one of you is just helping the other to get a better career, or whatever it is you go for, than it'll create an emptiness in the furute, which is a common reason for divorces today. It mostly happenes to women, who support their husbands by being a good wife, a good mom, while forgeting about what they wanted to do with their lives.

  See, there is nothing wrong with getting married, as long as there are no children involved. But once there are kids, a divorce is effecting their lives the most, which is the real responsibility of the parents. Today every third couple ends up divorcing in an avarage 5-8 years.

  I truely believe that you are rightfully feeling disturbed by the fact that your dad got into your private life like that. These things should be serious matters, and there should be no pressure on you to start talking about it. It is your life, it is your decision and I salute you for taking it serious enough to keep it aside untill it is really time.

  I sense that the reason you and your BF don't talk about it is because the both of you know, you are not ready. Once you'll feel you might be ready for a step like that, you should start talking about the factors mentioned above before even saying that M word. Talk about your future together, about your plans, about your feelings in regards with children, and raising children. Many of the marriages break due to the couple's disagreement on how to raise their kids, how to act around them, and how to live as their parents. So make sure the two of you see eye to eye on matters like that before you even talk about that M word. 

  About your dad's comment I would recommend you to talk - but not to your BF, but to your dad. I think you should tell him how wierd he made you feel by even suggesting that you should make that move in your life. Tell him that these things are your private life, and pressure from the people you love will only create unhealthy decision making. Tell him that you do not feel comfortable by him dropping words at you like that, and ask him to allow you to open up about these things on your time, when it comes naturally.

  I think if you'd even mention this to your BF it'd make him feel that same pressure you felt when your dad said what he said. But if you really feel like telling him about it, only because he is your best friend and you need to talk about your feelings this situation elevated, than just talk about it objectively and avoid start talking about the idea of marriage in general. Just tell him about it as an akward situation, and keep that as the subject of your conversation without letting it turn into a marriage talk. If he loves you, he should be able to listen to you and understand your feelings without thinking you are trying to suggest something you don't.

  Forgive my long comment - I am a talker too :-)

• travelr712 said on Oct 25, 2008....

  i think if you've been together for 5 years, then you've earned the right to talk to your bf about anything. if the m word is ever going to be in your future with him, you'd better establish that as part of your relationship, or the marriage will NOT work. so go ahead and tell him and see how he reacts. the reaction to that piece of news will be very telling as to the future of your relationship imo. perhaps that's what you're afraid of? but let me tell you from experience. better to lose it now, then live in misery for 5 years and then get divorced, ya know?

• hottips4u said on Oct 25, 2008....

  At least your Dad didn't have another arrangement in store for you.  That's pretty typical of males in India.  I suppose you miss a united pallet that brings so many Indian families verrrry close to one another...lol
  
  I suppose your headed for America for that education, I'd be surprise otherwise.
  
  Of course you'll marry only another Indian male correct ?  Not someone not of your own race ?  : )
  
  Be careful about boyfriends and Dad... you could as easily end up an embarrassment to good ole Dad and be turned out as a whore for it....now that is breath taking no doubt !  hehe....
  
  Good luck.
  
  Hottips4u
  

• diabolicdame said on Oct 25, 2008....

  ZsuzsiO: Thanks for the advice.. I think you are right and I do take it seriously.. I don't particularly mind my dad's comment.. I think it was meant in a very light hearted tone.. but it sure took me by surprise! I do know I'm not ready for that step for a few years yet until I'm settled in my career.. I'm just finishing my studies now.. and my dad is very career oriented for me too so I think he knows theres still a few years too.. I guess I'll just be waiting till I feel the time is right. Thanks for the long comment though.. I apprciate the thought you put in for me.    :-)

  trav: I did of telling him and seeing his reaction.. but more for fun than anything else. I believe that when the time is right, we will make a decision and it will be for the best. Though I'm no rush at all ofcourse. I'll wait a while before getting to that. I like things being uncomplicated for now, you know? Although I'm quite certain he is 'the one'. Naive.. I know!! But you can't control the butterflies.. can ya..     :-)

  hottipsforyou: My family or father is not typical of anything. They would never make arrangements for me. I think you have some misconecptions about the urban India. And I am not at all headed to the USA. I don't know why you would assume that. And I've only been with one guy for the last five years.. actually he is the only guy I've ever been with. And god forbid if it ever falls through, my father will trust my judgement and would never judge me negetively.. I can assure you words like 'whore' or embarrasement would not be associated with me.

• travelr712 said on Oct 25, 2008....

  nope, can't control them butterflies. not that i'd want to either. i had a classmate who was from india. she married an indian boy just last year because of the situation that hottips described, so i know it exists there. but she told me that it's a dying thing in your country, that more and more people are breaking from that traditional viewpoint. is that true do you think?

• ZsuzsiO said on Oct 25, 2008....

  I don't know guys, I think that these cultural things really depend on each person and the family he/she lives in. Most countries that had practiced the arrange marriage and other cultural behaviour have now moved on iwth the exception of some extreme muslim countries.

  However, these arranged marriages are still exists in these countries - I know since I live on one of those (country, not marriage). Only they are not as common as they used to be. In my country it is strictly among the religious community and the rest of us think it is extremely primitive. Apologies to whoever might read and get afended my my words, but my point is that even if it exists in a country, it does not mean that everybody lives by it or even agrees with it.

  However, I did not know you were from India, and even I might have put my words in a more careful way in order to avoid to affend you, if I knew your background. I am glad to read that it is not the case, and that you do have a healthy outlook on life. I have a feeling that you have a wonderful relationship with your dad and the rest of your family as well, which is something to admire these days.

  You should write a blog about this trip to that other country, and tell us all about it! I am interested!

• hottips4u said on Oct 25, 2008....

  Ok....if you say so.  ; )
  
  Listen, I see you avoided the fact that you can not marry outside your own race in an acceptable arrangement w/ your traditional family values.  Very prejudice country in some eyes in this fashion, but I agree w/ it in part (as to remaining w/ ones own race).   Is it that you are prejudice ? Or a personal choice ?  Or...the only mate for you traditionally acceptable ?
  
  The fact that your fucking outside of wedlock is something I am sure you don't want to tell Dad...hell thats your gravy train as well $$$.  Without him, your world shrinks immediately and endangers your own future if you lose his blessings.
  
  Without that man's support behind you, you may well find yourself bending over for a simple cup of nut tea....or leaving for good.
  
  Different life styles throughout the world, but as an American woman I have very little respect for the women of India.  Especially one who sits back and watches her own children be sold or traded into servitude (yes, I have visited your country) or tossed into the street as a whore.
  
  No, I don't think the words embarrassment or whore is words you want applied to you in your situation, or any situation for that matter....but both are in your thoughts and decisions in conjunction w/ your Dads as well, of that I am sure.
  
  Bottom line....you know better and that....held your tongue whether you want to admit it or not.
  
  In any event, best wishes...getting that education is your only avenue of escaping tradition other than simply leaving India & family behind.
  
  Jessi.
  
  
  
  

• wishyouwerehere said on Oct 25, 2008....

  Hi Diabolic -
   
  Coming from a different perspective, I understand some of the awkwardness in disucssing marriage.  Maybe it is the fear of moving to a different stage in your life?  I am much older than you, and having Dad's approval of my relationship sent me into a mini-panic as well, if you remember - LOL.  I think that you may just need a little time and space to adjust to this new set of dreams and the reality of being so close to reaching this new place.
   
  As for the stereotypes, never let anyone else define you, my dear.  Be guided by your own expectations and what you know to be true about yourself, your family and your culture. 
   
  Best of luck to you - I hope you enjoy your visit home - XOXO - Wishy

• skald said on Oct 25, 2008....

  Dia you and you alone can judge what is right for you. I think you should talk about this with him but only when he is there with you. not on line or the phone or in a letter.
  Be glad that your father likes him. It will make things easier for you.
  ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
  

• ZsuzsiO said on Oct 25, 2008....

  I don't understand hottips4u at all. Why would want to put people into boxes like that based on .. what? The counry they are from? C'mon, now! If some one tells you something different from what you believe than just try to give them the benefit of doubt, and go with it.

  The respect and suppoort of our parents is a big issue for any girl in any country regardless to cultural background. I understand that in India there are extreme cases and the majority you can see on the streets might let you assume it applies to all. But it doesn't have to. There are modern families in today's Indian society, and I personally know some people from India who can be living prove of that.

  I was born in East Europe, and now live in Israel. None of the above discribed by you applies in my birth country, and other than what I mentioned about arranged marriages, not in Israel either. However, I cannot imagine a situation in which a girl wouldn't long for her parents approval and support.

  However, from what I read up here, it seems like diabolicdame and her dad have a helathy father-daughter relationship, in which she can decide when and to whom to marry. Of course, we would only know any different if she'd decide to go for a man out of her race - but she doesn't, so why bother talking about that?

• travelr712 said on Oct 25, 2008....

  hottips has never given anyone the benefit of anything zsu. people must fit into the boxes she creates because in her mind that's the only way she can control them. you see, she has the desire to insult people in order to cause a negative reaction so she can once again play the victim, and threaten the challenger with yet another legal action that never comes to anything. it's the central part of the victim mentality. they never take any responsibility for the situations they cause, and they do that by saying that this or that person is not acting or thinking like they should as the cause of their own personal hell. i'd really feel sorry for her, if i actually cared about her at all. the only thing i care about as far as she's concerned is the pain she causes my friends. my advice is, as always, ignore her and she'll go away. engage her and you'll get burned. that's the only thing a victim mentality understands.

• hottips4u said on Oct 25, 2008....

  @  ZsuzsiO  :  Of course, we would only know any different if she'd decide to go for a man out of her race - but she doesn't, so why bother talking about that?
  
  How do you know she doesn't ?  eh ? 
  
  The world isn't as small as it once was and, people learn in many fashions.  As to India, I have learned some in school of course and later in life I learn of the monstrosity's of the culture in India.  Later yet, I work in a commercial field that gives me personal insight via personal work associates/owners from India.  I traveled to India and seen much of it via rail and/or foot.  I seen w/ my own eyes much of what I speak of and from the mouths of the Indians themselves, both here in America and in India alike.
  
  It is not I who put any in a box.  However, the world has projected what they know to be true, just as I have here.  Are there exceptions ?  Always, but so limitedly as to be of little significance when viewing the entire crop.
  
  I felt these were fair questions and in fact on point w/ the conversation of the post as well.
  
  1) Is it that you are prejudice ?
  
  2) Or a personal choice ? 
  
  3) Or...the only mate for you traditionally acceptable ?
  
  I see nothing offensive in any of these questions and considering only she holds the answer (despite you speaking for her) to any of these question that could enlighten the readership and still, not be demeaning as you alluded to. 
  
  No disrespect intended, but perhaps she knows who or how many she sleeps w/ more than you do, and then too...I would be interested in her answers for that very reason. 
  
  Jessi.
  
  
  

  
  

• hottips4u said on Oct 25, 2008....

  Oh really Travelr712 ? 
  
  

  A question for hottips

  travelr712 posted about 16 hours ago | views: 71 | Tags: question
  you've shown me that you're smart.... read entire post
  
  Seems w/ a user name as diabolicdame she would be a good sport and answer the questions as simply questions :  the user name itself denotes " Evil Woman "  ... or in the very least a bit devilish perhaps.  The issue of marriage and race was simply a question one only she holds the answer to.
  
  I already am well aware of your intent (here's a hint for you : messaging).
  
  Hottips4u
  
  
  

• travelr712 said on Oct 25, 2008....

  you have not a clue of my intent, as always hottips. or of anyone else's for that matter. and just as you've said of dia, why should you take any offense at what i've said? it seems i am still the only person in the pages of sc that you truly fear, and fear is an ugly thing to live with, is it not?

• hottips4u said on Oct 25, 2008....

  @  diabolicdame  :   The reason I asked these questions of you was a personal one for me as well.
  
  I am an American Mohawk Indian.  I have never dated or considered any other than my own race for marriage and rearing children with.  That was a personal choice and, one my immediate and extended family members practice to help assure survival of our people here in America in a conscious fashion.  We are raising our children to be of a like mind set as well.
  
  jessi
  
   
  

• travelr712 said on Oct 25, 2008....

  so you're raising your children to be as prejudice and closed minded as you and your pedophile husband are hottips? why am i not surprised?

• diabolicdame said on Oct 25, 2008....

  trav: Traditions hold true in some places and in others they are left behind in the past. It depend on your education, your family background, where you grow up etc.. you are right in saying that most people are keeping what they like and leaving the rest behind. For me.. I've grown up in a very secure and free environment.. in a very cosmopolitan city.. so I've always had all options to me.. I think that matters as well..

  ZsuzsiO: Things like traditional marriages still exist ofcourse.. but a s you said it happens amongst some people and not at all amongst others.. its a matter of your environment and family. And you're right that its sompletely individual. Things in India.. or many other places.. are in a spectrum.. and while there are extremes.. there is a lot in the middle as well. I don't need anybody to give me the benefit of doubt though.. I'm not here to convince anyone of anything.. if they cna't see outside a stereotype then its their loss really. Thanks for all the good things you said and I'll surely blog about my trip when it happens!   :-)

  hottips4u: I don't quite understand what you are trying to say. Lose my dad? That is not possible. You don't lose family. And if you think a father is just someone who gives you money then thats a shame. I can tell you that is not my view at all. I love my father and he trusts me and is proud of who I am. My 'fucking' is nobodys's business. Least of all yours. I don't write about sex so that is not open for you to comment on.

  About the race thing.. I met a boy in high school five years ago and fell madly in love with him and we're still going good. So the thing is.. I don't care about which race I can date and have never given a thought. There is one guy in this world that I want and thats it. But just so you know.. there are no restrictions on me as to who I marry or when. That is my decision alone and my parents trust me with it. If my bf had happened to be of some other race that would have been fine with my family but he's not.. so I don't see the point in giving it any thought.

  Also if you think that all kids in India are tossed in the street or thrown into the sex trade.. I am sorry you have such a narrow mindset. You might have visited India but you saw a very small part of it.. and I've lived here for 21 years so I should know! And I don't care much if you respect indian women or not. You seem to know little of India or Indians and I will not waste my time telling you any more about it. I can see its rather futile and you can continue believing and writing whatever you wish.

  Oh and by the way.. I'm not getting an education so I can leave India and family behind. I intend very much to come back. I'm getting an educaiton to get a qualification and to get an international perspective on my study. I love both my country and my family fiercely.. and I'm rather proud of both.

  I would appreciate it if in the future.. if you have any questions to ask.. you please do it in a repectful and positive way. I will not allow negetivity towards me.. my country.. or my family on my blog. Thank you. 

  trav: I tried to take your advice and not reply to the negetive comments.. but I had to answer the questions once. I will not reply to any negetivity in the future though.

  wishy: You understood exactly what I was saying.. thank you! hehe.. I do think it is a bit exciting that my dad has sort of given me his approval and yes I did freak out! lol.. you're totally right and it is about adjusting to this new set of dreams and reality. As far as stereotypes go.. I do not believe in them and they count for zilch as far I'm concerned! Thanks again..    :-)

  skald: Thanks for the ((((hug)))).. I do think that it will make things easier.. and I like the idea of tellin my bf in person.. well atleast I know I don't have to worry about convincing my dad of it in the future!!    :-)

   

• travelr712 said on Oct 25, 2008....

  "That is not possible. You don't lose family."
   
  i lost my family, or most of it dia. but i still have the family that is mine. in that i mean that my parents are lost to me, but my daughter and her family are still strong. my sister still believes in me, and my mother, but neither one of them can contact me. they know how, but they don't, it causes too much. and my father and brother can, but they don't. they don't want to see what i can show them.
   
  there's only one thing left to do. and i know what that is. and i'll say it here because i know she'll never read it
   
  that's to love fraggle, and i do.

• diabolicdame said on Oct 25, 2008....

  trav: I'm sad to hear that.. it sounds like you miss them but atleast you have your daughter and her family.. it sounds like this is something that causes you hurt.. I know I would feel the same way if I were you.. I'm sorry for your hurt and loss. and do you have history with fraggles? I'm sorry.. I'm not aware of this..

• travelr712 said on Oct 25, 2008....

  yes, i  hurt.
   
  and yes, there is a history. i've spoken of it often.

• cuppajava said on Oct 25, 2008....

  HI DD - I am sorry that I am so late on this one - but it seems to have stirred up a bit of emotions within people - which can be good ion a way.I know this is gonna sound a little strange coming from me - but if i were you - i would at least mention your dad's comment to you bf - even just in passing - to see what reaction you get out of your bf.I know that I am reading it differently to others but did your dad really say that ' your bf is working a 'nice job' now you can marry him when ever you want' - that worries me - does the job that he has make the difference whether he is marriage material or not.I am not trying to be nasty DD - I really think you are a fantastic person and i want you to be as happy in your relationship with you bf as you do,but.if your bf wasnt working at all,or was working in a lesser type of job - would you father have made the same comment.do you think? What are the chances of your father mentioning marriage to your bf before you do ??

• diabolicdame said on Oct 25, 2008....

  Hey cj! nice to see you here! I think my dad's comment had to do with the fact that my bf has just started working.. so my dad's showin faith in him maybe.. and I think to my dad, the job security definitely matters.. if my bf wasnt working, my dad wouldn't have said that.. I understand it too.. if my little sis grows up and wants to be with someone long term, I'd want it to be someone who is setteled professionally so she has a good life. That bit I understand. my father doesnt speak to my bf as such.. unless for some reason.. and he would never interfere in my personal matters like that either..  but you do think I should mention it to my bf? that really is what I wanted to know with this post.. A part of me says I shoudl let him know.. see his reaction.. hmmmn.. maybe I should do that.. see where he's at about this..

• hottips4u said on Oct 25, 2008....

  Whatever, you know I know.
  
  I traveled in India quite extensively.... and I know what I seen and heard in all corners of your country.
  I know how they (ur kind of Indian) live here in America as well.
  
  You will marry within your own race and I know that as well, you can tell these folks whatever you want lil one, but I know the deal.
  
  Your as free to marry into a good family....if your daddykins can afford it. Maybe you should ask him while curling up in the family universal pallet.
  
  BTW...when I came back I established a small network of friends and together we put shoes on 8,000 of those Indians kids in the Country you look down upon.
  
  I'm not sure your as proud as you are spoiled. ; )
  
  Have a good life. ~

• travelr712 said on Oct 25, 2008....

  oh right hottips, you set foot in india like there's fbi on my ass.  you've never even met someone from india. they wouldn't talk to you. and the only friends you have are the alts you've made on a public blog. nuff said.
   
  dia, i really think you should say something to your bf.

• diabolicdame said on Oct 25, 2008....

  hottips4u: As I said earlier.. I will not reply to anything unnecessarily negetive. You can have your prejudices against 'my kind of indians'. And spoilt.. yes.. you really know me! I will have a good life and I hope so do you.
   
  trav: Thanks trav.. I shall do that tomorrow.

• Lucytorial said on Oct 25, 2008....

  Gotta love a whole load of assumptions.. eh! Trav ~ She's done it again, playing the victim... bwa ha ha haa
   
  Diabolic ~ Lets get back on topic huh?

• diabolicdame said on Oct 25, 2008....

  Luce.. yes.. I'd love to! The consensus seems to be that I should let the bf know of it.. and I like your 'its just a word' approach.. its easy.. so thats what I'm going to do.. good luck to me!   :-)

• Lucytorial said on Oct 25, 2008....

  You know DB David and I didn't get married for 6 years because of that word... when we finally did it we did it because it was easier financially (bank red tape), loans.. and also... this is funny we were tired of saying Boyfriend, Girlfriend, significant other (LOL)
   
  Hubby has been married before (cringe I'm #4) and I wasn't keen on it in the old fashioned sense, all sorts of conotations of house wife, babies (urrggghh) so we just didn't, but we did have our own commitment which we never questions for those 6 years... talk about it, its important that you share your thoughts, fears concerns and most of all show your trust.  Trust that he will not judge you or question your motives without talking with you.

• diabolicdame said on Oct 25, 2008....

  Luce.. I relate very much to that.. I know tha tkind of commitment that you don't question.. I like it for now.. I don't want to be married and all for a few years yet ofcourse.. but I will bring it up.. 'trust that he will not judge me or question my motives'.. thanks for that! And tired of sayin boyfriend girlfriend? hehehe.. yeah well.. those are long words!!
   
  :-D

• Lucytorial said on Oct 25, 2008....

  Ohh its annoying I swear it is... so who's this then? ((sigh)) my partner... ((sigh))

  Actually when we decided to get married it was the right time, we fell into it.  He actually proposed old fashioned, I accepted and we married for ourselves at the right time.

  You two will know what to do and how to approach this, there will always be people who will ask you when, assume you have made plans... just do whats right for you both..

  btw hows your study going?

• travelr712 said on Oct 25, 2008....

  hi lu, i missed you today.

• Lucytorial said on Oct 25, 2008....

  Yeh you did Trav ~ I seem to be missing quite a few people here... its disheartening actually.

• travelr712 said on Oct 25, 2008....

  having a life does present some inconveniences, doesn't it lu?

• Lucytorial said on Oct 25, 2008....

  Well yes and no, when I get on here it seems everyone just ups and disapears... *grumble grumble*
   

• diabolicdame said on Oct 25, 2008....

  He proposed old fashoined.. awww!!     :-)

  Studies are going great Luce.. they have to.. its my main purpose of life right now. Although I am home for the holidays right now and having fun here.. ahh nothing can replace your mum's cooking.. or catfights with your sister!   :-)

  And I'm missing people on the site too.. I guess they get busy.. I did too for a while.. but yea I miss them nonetheless.

• Lucytorial said on Oct 25, 2008....

  Yes, he baught a bottle of Verve Clicott (expensive champagne), poored a glass and put my ring in it when I went to the bathroom, as I took as sip and noticed the ring he asked me "marry me baby!" awwww who could resist!
   
  Study hard girl.  As for catfights with your sister and mummas home cooking.. enjoy the hell out of it while you can.

• diabolicdame said on Oct 25, 2008....

  aaawwwwwwww really.. you didnt stand a chance at resisting!! that is so romantic!!!!!
   
  and yes.. studies, mommas food and catfights.. all in full swing! 
   
  :-)

• travelr712 said on Oct 25, 2008....

  i still say he had no idea what he was getting himself into lu. and he's a lucky man!

• ZsuzsiO said on Oct 26, 2008....

  The more I read the more confindent I feel about you and your BF. You seem to be a smart and charmy girl, and a girl like you could only be in love with a boy, who can understand her. I think you should mention the whole thing with your dad and see where it'll go from there - I have a feeling that nothing bad can come out of that.

   travelr712  I am so jelous of you! O a;ways dreamed of being asked in some extremely romantic way - instead our marriage was based on ice cold facts: I already had his baby and he wanted to study in the States and make sure his son will not be separated from him. So we flew to Cyprus to get around the whole Rabbinate (there are absolutely no court based marriages in Israel, only religious ones, and they take a long time to get ready to), and have it all done in a weekend. We were taken to the court house straight from the air port, so I got married in my sweat pants whit no make up, no nothing...... Didn't even have a nice ring to show up with. At the time I didn't care about these things, cause I thought they don't matter. But I keep longging for the white dress and the big rock on my finger, and the weddign with the belly dancer and the chair dance...... I was offered to get married several times after the divorce - by men who hoped to gain a pretty and young wife by giving her a green card. I wanted none of that and decided to move back to Israel.

  After 7 years of being a single mom it is getting harder and harder to find a good guy I really want to be married to. My expectations are just getting higher and higher while I am getting older and thougher. If anything I should lower those expectations so some one would at least have a chance..... I don't know, I am just waiting for that feeling, when I know, that paper does not even matter. Than I want him to go out of his way just so he can do something out of this world romantic, so I can say "yes".......

• diabolicdame said on Oct 27, 2008....

  ZsuzsiO, thanks for that confidence.. I will take your advice and tell my bf.. I'm almost excited about it now! hehe.. and I totally understand what you're saying here.. I mean we can say all we want that the dress and the wedding stuff and the romantic proposal doeasnt matter but really it sort of does.. you do want it to be special and romantic even if u don't admit it most of the time. I am just like that as well. I know you must be feeling like its harder to make that happen.. but you sound lovely and I think its just a matter of time before you find what you deserve. I think you're right in holding out for it.. and I'm sure it will be worth it!    :-)

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