I decided to DVR Showtime's special boxing promotion last weekend. There were two middleweight fights. One was a former junior middleweight champ of an alphabet organization named Juan Marquez. No, Juan Marquez is not the name of the alphabet organization. Juan Marquez is the fighter. Come on now, you have to get things in the right context.

He was fighting Lorenzo. A young undefeated kid. Lorenzo looked bigger than old Juan. And I mean Old Juan. Get this. Juan is in his mid thirties. I'm surprised the old goat isn't wheeled around by a nurse.

Lorenzo has this rounded quality to him. Rounded muscles in the upper body. Just looks much more heavily muscled. Old Juan looks squarish and smallish next to the kid.

So. What we have here is a big strong undefeated and muscular kid going against some old dude who needs a nurse to wheel him into the ring. What a mismatch. And the kid is pushing the old man around for the first few rounds. The kid has knockout power. Better watch out, old man.

To my surprise, the old dude ended up winning the fight after losing the first few rounds. He kept moving forward, staying close. The kid didn't know what to do with him. The kid even resorted to intentional head butting, and was penalized a point for intentional head butting. Yes, I said intentional. You could see it on the replay. The old dude was already bloody near his eye, and the kid purposely whacked him in that eye with his head, clear as can be.

Old Methuselah won the decision by one point on all three cards. That was the head butt point. Head butt is an odd conglomeration of words.

Since everyone always ridicules judging, and since so much rides on who wins and loses, why the hell don't they have more than just three judges? Why not have a dozen judges? That's what I'd suggest. Have 12 judges. If they split 6-6 it's a draw. And get rid of the 10 point must system. Just ask them, after the fight is over, to tell who won, that's all. Is that too simple for ya? You like complications?

I think with more judges you lower the probability of a ridiculous decision. The more people you ask, the more likely you are of getting a sensible answer. Law of probabilities.

You ask one person where Times Square is, you end up on the Lower East Side. You ask 10 people where Times Square is, you end up on 42nd Street.

The other fight on the card was also middleweight, but lazy fat middleweight. These guys agreed to fight at super middleweight so as to keep it from being a middleweight championship fight. Huh? Whatever.

It was one of the alphabet organization champions, King Arthur Abraham, a German guy, or at least he lives in Germany and speaks German, up against some black guy with a less memorable name. I think it had an M in it.

They had fought years ago, and the German guy got the decision, but only because the black guy was penalized 5 points for various infractions ranging from intentional head butting to low punching to low punching to low punching. The German guy won the decision by a lot less than 5 points.

So in this fight, this rematch, King Arthur Abraham rope a doped the black guy. The black guy won all of the first three rounds because King Arthur Abraham just played rope a dope.

Then in the fourth round, King Arthur Abraham knocked the black guy down, he got up, he knocked him down again, he got up, and he knocked him down a third time. The ref called a TKO, there being no three knockdown rule.

Then Jim Gray, an idiot if there ever was one, interviewed the black guy who lost. He asked him why King Arthur Abraham was in control of the whole fight. What? Huh? King Arthur Abraham LOST EVERY ROUND. He wasn't in control of the whole fight. It seems that every network has its idiot. Showtime has Jim Gray. He's paid to be pugnacious. He got in trouble for that, years ago, something about tormenting Pete Rose. He caught a lot of flack for that, but it made his career. He was known as the asshole who would be aggressive and pugnacious and an asshole. That cemented his career. Professional asshole.

He's the kind of guy who would watch a beating and then interview the loser by saying "Why do you suck?" Well, no, actually that's something I would do just for the humor of it. He's not funny, he's just nasty. That's what I'd call lying about the fight, telling an absurd lie like that Abraham was in control of the whole fight. That's not funny, it's just nasty.

The fights were pretty good, very watchable, and had their surprises and their drama. But it is a dead sport because there are no champions. They always talk about possible unification matches. Bullshit. Unification my left tit. You have 4 or 5 different organizations, each with their own "champion", and if two of them get in the ring together you call it a unification match, hearkening back to the old old old days when boxing actually had undisputed champions. That's pathetic. Like this year in baseball the champions are the Red Sox, the Phillies, the Angels, the Rays, and the Dodgers, and maybe if you're lucky we'll have the Dodgers play the Angels in a unification match. Basically, fuck you, as they say in France constantly.