How can it be possible, that you are surrounded by people, friends, family… or maybe colleagues at work… your phone ringing off the hook and its memory is full to the limit, your text messages overflowing… your inbox jam packed with emails… and yet you feel so alone..

Let me explain the feeling: it is feeling of disconnection from everybody.. a feeling that everything around is going on but you are not a part of it.. a helpless feeling that you cant express yourself… or truly BE yourself… whoever ‘yourself’ is

So life goes on.. you return the calls, reply to the emails and text messages. You get the work done, socialize, go out for dinners, make conversation blah blah.. but you still feel incomplete, empty, alone..

What can fill this void? Is it a disease? Can it be treated? I can go through spurts of spiritual practice and positive thinking but sooner or later.. this feeling surfaces… and the funny thing is, I cant explain it to anyone.. not one of the 423 people in my phonebook.

Camus said: “Should I kill myself? Or have a cup of coffee?”.. now that’s indifference, being blaze or maybe that’s the best statement to symbolize depression… nothingness..

I think everybody gets this feeling once in while, if they bother to observe it… usually they just assume that something’s missing from their life… something that once they get will fill this hole, this gap, this void, this mystery painful wound will be healed. So the dream job will fix everything, or the perfect relationship will soothe it, or the new house, car, or TV will make it all alright.. I’ll tell you what.. they are  right.. the wound is soothed, the void is filled, the empty feeling disappears.. for a while.. a very short while.. in fact each time it gets shorter and shorter..  

You tell me to be positive.. but for how long??? It feels so unnatural.. You tell me to banish all negative thoughts.. to refuse to entertain anything that feels bad…. But somehow I always end up back here.. is it better to distract myself with work.. or some project? Well yeah its better than wallowing in self-pity.. but there is a part of me that believes that at least by wallowing in this.. I am accepting the problem and by doing so.. maybe I will find a way out..