• diabolicdame said on Oct 20, 2008....

  Lets make it a 'me first' day. I think its a very good idea!! We give too much consideration to the men in our lives anyway!

• starchini said on Oct 20, 2008....

  Hereyee Hereyee!  "me year" has official been declared for uni!  Good for u!  : ) 

• uniquely-ironic said on Oct 20, 2008....

  dd - these men in particular need a lesson in "after you".  I'm glad for the company ;)
   
  star - thanks!  After carefully looking back I was unhappy to find that "me" didn't have anyone looking after her.  Maybe she will do better this year.
   
   

• Lucytorial said on Oct 20, 2008....

  Well now, I'm glad you exploded.  Sometimes self preservation can only come from blowing our tops. Being selfish is not a bad thing uni ~ Its sometimes thebest thing we can do for ourselves and those around us.

• uniquely-ironic said on Oct 20, 2008....

  Lucy - I think we (mothers/wives/girlfriends) know this, but we are also programmed to consider others in our choices.  I'm learning that this is not a trait that the men I'm surrounded by share.  Time to look after myself!

• Lucytorial said on Oct 20, 2008....

  Absolutely, you know, when the men surrounding you are dip shits - they wouldn't even understand you are being selfish, they just think you're a bitch and that you can deal with.

• uniquely-ironic said on Oct 20, 2008....

  Lucy - yup!  As I was trying to explain it to Sweetie and Bill he kept getting that monkey with a chinese finger puzzle look and she had the "ah ha!" moment.  I gave up and took her out for tea before dropping her off at her asshole father's house.

• Lucytorial said on Oct 20, 2008....

   rrreeeooooorrr venom.. man hating venom... te he heee stoopid assed men.  Who needs em?

• uniquely-ironic said on Oct 20, 2008....

  Lucy - I won't catagorize all men in the same class as a certain select number I seem to be surrounded by.  I'm hoping that there's a man out there that can restore my faith in the male species.

• Lucytorial said on Oct 20, 2008....

  AND show you that sex is about mutual enjoyment yuh?
   
  It'll come, you gotta get out on your own first.

• nytquill17 said on Oct 20, 2008....

  I read a book once about anger, great book actually.
  
  Anyway it talks about how especially women will give and give and give.  We are raised and taught and biologically wired to be caregivers, to look after everyone else first.  The problem is that we assume when we look after someone else, they will return the favor.  We go into a sort of emotional deficit because we are expecting to be repaid later on.  And so often they don't.
  
  And especially when that someone else is a man (though certainly not all men), they just don't pick up on the signals that we're even expecting anything from them.  When you look at it from their perspective...they are getting everything they want with little or no effort on their part, what motivation do they have to change the dynamic?
  
  So there we are, spent, and none of our own needs met, so we get angry.
  
  I think you've done exactly the right thing.  You can't make the other person change the dynamic.  You can't change what you get, you can only change what you give and see what happens :)
  

• travelr712 said on Oct 20, 2008....

  well i'm glad i wasn't around this weekend to add my own poke ui.

• queenparanoia said on Oct 20, 2008....

  yay go uniquely!!!! take the stress out!!! punch him!!!!!!!!!!!!

• the_infernal_optimist said on Oct 20, 2008....

  Good for you, Leafy! :) I have been edging toward a similar sort of epiphany myself, I think.
  
  ~Infernal
  

• Twylarants said on Oct 20, 2008....

  "Me first, then you". I love it. 

• wombat said on Oct 20, 2008....

  I have thrown a few temper tantrums.....
   
  Once jumped on the back of my ex off the porch--a nice high dive,and MY declaration.
   
  Once, left with only my keys and no where to go.
   
  Once threw out all HIS clothes and stuff and locked the door...
   
  We all gotta do this sometimes.......just to make them sit up and listen.

• Lucytorial said on Oct 20, 2008....

  Yeh but this dip shit don't listen... thats the frustration.
   
  Still its not for me to say quite frankly even though I said it already.

• wombat said on Oct 20, 2008....

  You gotta find a man you don't have to jump out after....but one that is stilll there when you want to jump, but he won't let you. Like a door stop. And then you get to take time to think, "Is this the right door stop?"    (it probably is)

• Lucytorial said on Oct 20, 2008....

  You have a very strange logic going on tonight Wombie ~ too true.. I think I found my door stop.

• wombat said on Oct 20, 2008....

  Strange for me too, maybe, but I still think it;s right.  My door stop is hard to kick into the winter blast sometimes, but man, he's good at what he does.  (he loves me)

• skald said on Oct 21, 2008....

  Good for you we have to clean the air once in a while and let it come out. 

• uniquely-ironic said on Oct 21, 2008....

  nytquill - I've heard of that book, or at least the psychology behind it.  And yes, I'm the only piece of the equation that I can change.
   
  trav - yes, you are lucky.  I don't take prisoners ;)
   
  queenie - unfortunately he's pretty good at predicting when I might do that and stays away.
   
  TIO - I think we all get there, some sooners than others.
   
  Twirlie - It is so not in my nature to do it that way, but survival has convinced me that it might be a good idea.
   
  wombie - It's disappointing to have to get to that point.  I think I deserve someone who has more awareness when it comes to how I'm feeling.
   
  skald - now let's see if the lesson sticks.
   
  Lucy - yes, this dip shit needs to be hit with a ton of bricks to make him take notice of anything other than his own needs.

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