There is nothing as self-affirming making this declaration : ” I HAVE A BLOG! “. There is also nothing as self-affirming as saying : ” Oh and I have traffic!”.
The funny part is ANYONE can do it — doesn’t matter if you didn’t pass your third-grade English! After all, there is “pidgin English”, “Chinglish”‘,”SMS English” or even moronic English! Who really cares? After all, as long as one can communicate - everything is A-OK!
Now here goes : 1. Get into one of these blog communities where you
are SURE that when you leave a comment in their blog, you’ll get one
too:) Remember that self-affirming bloggers are so particular about
blog visits. The unwritten rule is something like : “If I visit you, you visit me”. Makes sense.
2. Collect all the “mush”. Spread it thick on the “Hugs” and “Kisses” and be a horribly nice person.It may annoy the thinkers but remember that MORONS always WIN.
If you don’t know that Morons always win, watch more of the news.But
don’t you dare be an ordinary moron! Be a really affectionate one, and
make it a point to say anything torridly ghastly like ” I’d go to hell to be with you because I love YOU so much!” Add effects like glitters you can pick up free at Glitters com:)
3. Sign every guestbook MORE than ONCE. If you are terribly desperate, sign everyone’s guestbook everyday with inane entries like : ” I thought of you today!”. That is very nice of you, even if we all know it’s weird to be thinking of a handle name each day but doing that gives you “nicey-points“!
4. Do not get into political discussions. You can’t afford to remember?
5. Do not get into religious or Biblical discussions. You can’t afford to remember?
6. Do not sympathize with any cause, however good, stick to dogs and cats. You can’t afford to remember?
7. If you are of Spanish, Filipino or Latin descent and your social (yep, social) network is mostly like you, call the “ATE” and “Tita” and “Tia” coming! After all, you have to show some respect. Don’t worry.Everyone loves a HUGE family remember? (warning though : if you call someone “Tita” or “Tia” and she isn’t THAT old, you have made an enemy forever!
8. Take pictures of everything. It’s okay to strangely drop by every restaurant in the area and crash to ask “May I take a picture of what you’re eating?”. If you have no talent for picture taking, you can copy and paste REALLY KNOWN QUOTES and you would still get a response. Who said wit is essential?
9. Do not discuss anything with Israeli bloggers. You can’t afford to remember? They are too finicky about details! Besides, you think the Holocaust is something like “Woodstock” and “a misconceptions” is a Catholic term. Do not ever be too detailed. Stay vague and safe and utterly sweet and clueless. In short, blog without saying anything! Isn’t that cool?
10.If everything else fails, get REALLY unoriginal! Pick up health
tips, beauty tips, love quotes, safety tips, criminal ideas, poetry,
gardening tips, recycling tips, recipes, Bible verses, marketing tips,
diy-instructions OR ANYTHING under the sun! You’d still get a reply
anyway:) Copy and Paste is awesome, particularly if that’s your idea of
your personal blog
Start NOW…. it takes only guts! Who needs to know how to write one single decent English sentence anyway?
