I haven't blogged in awhile, so I figured it was past time to put something up here. I've opened up the 'create post' window at least 10 times in this last week, and then I realized I had nothing of interest to say. I don't know if it's writers block or what. But I must not be the only one suffering from it, because this place has been really super dead most of the time. Sometimes when I visit with the intention of reading and commenting, there just isn't anything out there. It's kind of sad because I miss a lot of the people who used to post more. But I guess lots of us are just going through a quiet spell.
But in order to get the ball rolling writing again, I guess I'll just throw out some random details of my life.
Last night I ran up to the store to get some candy. I'm addicted to Reese's peanut butter cups right now. And those convenient bags of Halloween candy are so easy to gobble up. Good thing I recently lost 12 pounds due to being sick for a few months, and I can afford to gain weight by consuming enough chocolate and peanut butter to feed a small nation of starving children.
But anyway, I ran up to the store expecting an uneventful experience. I was just getting some candy. But instead I got a totally different kind of candy. Eye candy. The best kind! I was in the parking lot, heading into the supermarket. And this chick was getting out of a really tall Hummer. She was wearing tight jeans and a tank top. And she opened the door, and leaned herself over to get out, and suddenly there her boobs were.
They flew out of her tank top and just bounced right into my face. Okay, no, not in my face. I was about 15 feet away. But let me just say, it was like I was RIGHT there. I stopped dead in my tracks and just stared like a 12 year old boy staring at his dad's Playboy for the first time. I couldn't help it! It was so surprising that it was just impossible not to stop and stare intently. All reason and logic leaves your brain at a moment like that and all you can think about is, "OMG....boobies!"
But she quickly shoveled the twins back into the tank top, as she laughed and turned red and said, "oh my God I can't believe that just happened...." And then she looked at me, and I had to roll my tongue back up into my mouth quickly before she realized what a pervert I was. Then she just look horrified because she realized there was a witness to her boob crimes.
Of course neither of us knew what to say at that moment. So I just smiled, and she just smiled, and then we both looked away very quickly and went our separate ways. But let's just say, that was the most fun I've had at the grocery store in quite awhile.
But my ogling the free boobie peep show at Ralph's does not mean I love my wife any less. In fact, I raced home to tell her all about it. But that's because I know she realizes that a man cannot look away from unexpectedly naked boobs in a parking lot. It's just not possible. She found it hilarious, but asked me, "was she pretty?" I just kind of sat there for a moment without answering and she asked, "did you even look at her face?" Honestly, nope. I have no idea what she looked like. Once there were boobs, that was the only thing I saw. I think she was blonde. Maybe? Could have been brunette. Hell, she could have been bald for all I know.
I guess it's a good thing Nat is secure in my love for her, because she found it even more amusing that I didn't remember what the girl looked like. She said I was a perv and needed serious help. But after some humorous debate where I valiantly tried to defend my actions, she admitted that if she was with me, she would have stared at the boobies too. Public nudity requires a stare, right?
Kind of like the time we were eating dinner and some chick was sitting at the table next to us. And she had on low rise jeans and no underpants. We had a supreme view of her chubby ass crack the entire meal. How can you not stare at that? And didn't she feel a breeze knocking on the back door? Wouldn't you notice if your ass was hanging out of your pants? Who knows?
But Nat said she'd rather stare at boobs than someone's coin slot. Especially considering the Chili's girl was showing off more than a coin slot. She had a full on ATM slot going on there. It looked like one of those machines you swipe your card through at the store.
Anyway, so that was the most interesting thing that's happened to me this week. Otherwise it's just more of the same old, same old. But at least I had something to write about today. Of course the bigger question is, is anyone even here to read it?
I'll guess we'll find out....
evil_twin posted on Oct 19, 2008
| views: 345
Comments
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kruuyai said on Oct 19, 2008....
Hey e_t: I'm here to read it! And you're right. This place is dead, dead, dead. I'm going to give up pretty soon and go to bed. I've already posted four times today, and I'm all blogged out. Welcome back. :) -
skald said on Oct 19, 2008....
Good to see you Kyle and I hope you feel much better now. Good if you don't gain the weight again that you lost. I gained mine by going to Berlin and then living here as there when I came home,putting on calories and not walking as much as there. -
quietone said on Oct 19, 2008....
hahaha... you just have a knack of telling a story kyle! you truly make me laugh! ATM slot! hahaha.. I can only imagine. And.. well.. the boob show.. that was a typical male reatction! And yes, it is great that Nat can be so comfortable in your relationship to laugh right along with/at you too. :) -
the_infernal_optimist said on Oct 19, 2008....
Too funny! :-D I'm glad Nat is so secure...guys are just gonna look at boobs when they're presented (on purpose or not)!
I'd rather be inadvertently flashed than get a full view of someone's asscrack, too. Blech. That just makes it look like the person couldn't dress themselves properly (if you can't afford enough material to cover your crack, maybe you shouldn't be out in public?), or missed the memo that it wasn't National Plumber Impersonation Day. :-p And surely you'd feel it, so it can't be entirely accidental, right?
~Infernal
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destinydiva said on Oct 19, 2008....
lmao !!!! :-) you do have a knack of telling stories!! :-) glad all is well :-) xx -
Mr_Box said on Oct 19, 2008....
That was a great story. Dammit, I wish I was in that parking lot with you last night! I never see boobs at the store. That's just not fair.But I got a good chuckle out of the fact you couldn't remember if she was blonde or brunette or bald, because you had boobs burned into your corneas. You're funny.Did you even remember why you were at the store after that? ;-) -
travelr712 said on Oct 19, 2008....
i don't know what it is about you and boobs dude, but you certainly get more than your share! i'm jealous! -
Lucytorial said on Oct 19, 2008....
Thats what I'd call a camel toe te he he heeWell glad you enjoyed the Boobies! I can here the glee in your voice.. ohh boobies! bwa ha ha haa evil. -
queenparanoia said on Oct 20, 2008....
bwahahahahahaha you dont even know what she looked like??? bwahahahahahahaha youre really a typical dude... ;-)
by the way glad that natalie didnt get jealous... ;-)
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uniquely-ironic said on Oct 20, 2008....
ROFL *gasps for air* Only you could make a thing like this seem okay. I have to admit, if some guy was walking around with his willy hanging out, I'd look too. The fact that you don't remember her face just reinforces my belief that female bank robbers should go topless to heists. -
MissMimi said on Oct 20, 2008....
Kyle, you made me laugh out loud. ATM... LOLthos low rise jeans are a particular pet peeve of mine. They are always too tight, and almost always on people who should NOT be wearing them.Ooh, that was pretty judgemental, huh? -
Misty_Eyed said on Oct 20, 2008....
great descriptions of your reactions and also your wife's reactions
(Note: I think your wife would have been less amused if you could have actually remembered what the woman's face looked like. At least if the woman was pretty. We women tend to be like that.)
It's pretty funny to get a male perspective on these kinds of things. Thanks for sharing. (Good thing you didn't say THAT to the poor boob lady. Sounds like you played it cool. Which is always greatly appreciated during an unexpected boob incident. Not that I would know.) :)
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Misty_Eyed said on Oct 20, 2008....
In defense of the inadvertent ass crack. (I'm afraid I've been guilty of this on more than occasion). But no, it's not always that obvious to the wearer that there might be a bit of a draft back there.
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starchini said on Oct 20, 2008....
Oh jeez...that happened to me a time or two...it horrifying. Especially bc im not quite so boobie confident. I would have been sooo embarrissed. : P -
CreativeWoman said on Oct 20, 2008....
That's too funny! Sounds like you got quite a tirck or treat. :-)
CW
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evil_twin said on Oct 20, 2008....
kruu--Thanks for reading. The place was so dead yesterday, I didn't even make it back to check things out!
skald--I actually want to gain the weight I lost, because I was already pretty thin to begin with. I need food! But I do feel much better now. Thank you :-)
quietone--I'm glad I made you laugh :-) I am lucky that Nat is cool enough to laugh about these things. She's great!
Infernal--Yeah the ass crack was no where near as intriguing for me to stare at. Yet it was like I still couldn't look away. But the boobs were much better :-P
destiny--Thank you :-) Glad you enjoyed this!
Mr. Box--It is too bad you're weren't there. You would have enjoyed the scenery too! And yes, I did remember what I was getting. Right now I love peanut butter cups as much as I love boobs.
trav--I guess I'm just really lucky, huh? :-P
Lucy--I did have a little glee in my voice, huh? It was just a nice little surprising treat. And funny too :-P
queen--I think the girl is probably relieved that I don't remember her face, because that way if she ever sees me again, she won't have to be embarrassed!
uniquely--That's actually an awesome life of crime idea. Topless female bank robbers...Hmm...yeah I if they robbed a male teller, I'm sure he could describe the boobs accurately, but the face? Not a chance.
Mimi--Low rise jeans can look good on some women, but even a hot girl looks bad when her ass crack is showing. It's just not right!
Misty--I suppose my wife would have been less amused if I was able to gush over how pretty the woman was. But I wouldn't have done that anyway! I guess it's good I wasn't paying attention to her face though :-P I wouldn't have even noticed her at all, had her boobies not flown out of her shirt....
star--I can imagine it would be totally embarrassing, but I don't think you have to worry about boobie confidence. Because if they're naked and flung out accidentally in public, every man in the world will think they're awesome. Guaranteed! ;-)
CW--I did get a good trick or treat huh? :-P
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uniquely-ironic said on Oct 20, 2008....
exactly!!! ;) My mind tends to think like that. I guess that makes me pretty typical for california, huh? -
evil_twin said on Oct 20, 2008....
uniquely--I know you need some cash....so maybe you should try it? ;-) -
uniquely-ironic said on Oct 20, 2008....
LOL Right! I somehow think a 40something year old should stick to looking good in clothes. Maybe it would be easier to pull an Anna Nicole on some rich old fart ;) -
Lucytorial said on Oct 20, 2008....
Ewwww my god! Uni ~ bwaa ha ha haaa I agree though... -
diabolicdame said on Oct 21, 2008....
Lol.. aren't you a lucky fella!! Hehehe... Bur if I were in your place, I'd be staring too.. public nudity.. you gotta look! Though ofcourse I wouldn't have my tongue hanging out... and would have surely looked at her face and though 'ugh.. she's ugly'.. thats just my standard girl reaction to other girls.. hehe.. -
allforlove said on Oct 21, 2008....
Wow, I agree with your life, that is hilarious. And even as a woman myself saying that... poor woman. But that is pretty funny. -
ZsuzsiO said on Oct 25, 2008....
Okay, that was funny - it reminded me of our trip to Eilat this summer, when we stopped at a drive thru McDonalds in the middle of the night. Teenage kids were serving us, two boys and a girl. She had her over sized pants carelesly hanging so low, that each time she'd band over her whole a#@ was uncovered, leaving us with the sight of her dark separation line in the middle of two fat white cheaks. Not even sexy, but more like "why is she not wearing underwear if her body is so unpleasant" kind of sight. Anyway, we were cracking up in the car, and we kept asking her more and more mayo and ketchup so she'd band over again and again. My ex boyfirend had tears in his eyes he was laughing so hard. Only after we left we remembered we sould have taken pictures with our cell phones and put it up on the internet with something like "McDonalds - I'm loving it", or "McDonalds - we care about hygene too", or somehting like that......
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