things on my end are kind of crazy and random. I have been working a ton of hours, doing research to find a house(even though I decided im going to wait until april), hanging out with family and the few friends i have left in these parts.
So let me start with the Sir J part. Things have kind of sizzled out. I think i could potentially like him, but at this point i dont think i can do it. I want someone who can take care of me, make me feel comfortable, and is willing to talk to me. he doesnt seem to do any of those things. yes, i want to be a sub, and yes i need a dom but i am not willing to scoop down to a level where i am not comfortable and settle for just anyone. Ever since I went to visit him, and one event happened, i can't get it out of my head that he is not in a financially stable place and i can't get that out of my head. i dont want someone who seems to be using me for my money. plus, this three hour distance is a major part of the factor. my mileage onmy car is already out of control because of work, and going to visit him when i want to can't really happen. things keep coming up to not let us get together. plus, i dont like the fact that he cant seem to call me...he always "forgets" to call. which drives me crazy. i barely know the guy, i dont know the simplest things about him. and i cant get to know it because he doesnt call. when i call him we talk a bit but i dont want to have to do all the work. i want him to be thinking about me and wantingto call me. talk to me. get to know me. but that isnt happening. maybe this is wrong for me to think of. maybe my expectations of the relationship are too high. but, i want to be loved. i want to be comfortable. i want to be able to trust the guy. and with his credit cards being declined i cant do that. but here is the catch..i dont know how to tell him. i dont know if i should do it in text, which is the only way him and i have been talking at all lately. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh i just dont know what to do.
ok, on my house front. i love the house that i saw. but it is a bit out of my price range. im really rather upset by it. i really want out of my parents house...but i dont think i can exactly afford that house. so i need to wait. my goal now is to wait until april, so i can save up money, go on my cruise, and figure out what the heck is going on in mylife...especially with work. plus, hopefully the house will be cheaper and still on the market because that would be awesome:-)
ok...so i just lost all will to update. i wanted to write about so much more but i have to get ready. im going to the cider mill today and i have to go get ready!
