The headline event was Michael The Count Bisping vs. Chris The Crippler Leben. Neither of these guys is a top ten fighter at the moment. The co-main event was Keith Jardine vs. Brandon Vera, which was the real headline event except that neither of these guys is British and the fight was in Jolly Old England, home of Bisping.

Keith Jardine The Dean of Mean The Baldheaded Bearded Fighting Machine looks like Satan, in case you haven't noticed, but I'm sure you have. I want to see him fight barefooted so we can see if he has normal feet or devil feet. Maybe his tail is hidden in his trunks.

How does one go about beating Keith Jardine? I guess you have to fuckin knock him out. He usually wins the close decisions because he stays so busy. Wanderlei and Houston Alexander stopped him. The only guy who outpointed him was Stephan Bonnar. He was never in against a really good jitzer. But when you think about it, even though the 205 pound division is very rich in talent, is there a really good BJJ fighter in it? I know you have a few brown and black belts, but you don't have a great submission fighter to test all these guys on the ground and choke them out. No Fedor, no Barnett, no Big Nog. No bulldog wrestler like Lesnar. No Mir. Really you have a bunch of sluggers. Just the right situation for a Lean Mean Dean Jardine.

Brandon Vera, to tell the truth, is very good at everything and great at nothing. I thought he was right in there with Satan. When it was over, I thought Satan won a razor thin decision. I like Vera. I even like his stupid walk like an Egyptian victory move. But Satan was just a bit busier, and I guess deserved this close decision.

The 205 pound division has maybe a dozen guys who can all beat each other. It's very deep in talent but doesn't have that world beater. It doesn't have a GSP or Spider or Pillsbury Dough Boy or BJ or California Kid. Is that why it looks so competitive? Is it just because it doesn't have a standout guy? I don't think so. I think it doesn't have that A Plus guy but it is loaded with A Level guys.

This fight, like the Leben vs. Bisping fight, made me miss the Royce Gracie days when they would just leave the fighters alone, not separate them in clinches, not stop the action after a round was over, just let them go on and on until there was a real winner. Because the Vera-Jardine fight didn't have a winner, and neither did the Leben-Bisping fight. It just had one guy who landed a bit more often than the other guy did. They were the kind of fights that boxing used to call NDs. No Decision. Back in the days when close fights were just written off as No Decisions. That's what these were.

When the fight is over and you really aren't sure who won, you got yourself an ND, and I wasn't all that sure who won.

People get kicked in the balls a lot these days. Both fights were stopped because someone got kicked in the balls. That's one thing I call out as I watch these fights on tv. Kick him in the balls! Helpful advice.

I remember being in karate class and getting kicked in the balls. They stopped that fight too for a while.

Now for the Leben vs. Bisping fight. Leben was the aggressor. He hits harder and can take a harder punch, so why shouldn't he be the aggressor? He's the one who wants to mix it up and go for broke. He had an elephant's head transplanted onto his shoulders at birth, and everyone knows you can't knock out a guy with an elephant head. You hit the head all you want, the head don't care. It's an elephant head.

Bisping counterpunched. He caused a lot of discoloration and a bit of bleeding on the elephant head, but he never had the elephant head in any kind of trouble. Personally, I woulda given the fight to Leben. I had him ahead. Ahead by a head. To me, it was like the Bisping vs. Hamill fight. The loser got the decision. But looking at Leben's bruised face, who knows. Maybe I was wrong and the three judges were right. Who cares either? The fight was indecisive. There was no winner.

Sokoudjou is pathetic in the UFC. Too bad. He sucks in the UFC. Perfect example of a guy with a big reputation looking like shit. He pulled a Shogun, didn't he? I think he out-Shoguned Shogun. He got beat up twice. I think he should fight Shogun. They are in the same weight division and they both suck in the UFC so if they fight each other one of them will probably win.

Chris Lytle and Marcus The Irish Hand Grenade Davis both beat up Paul Kelly Taylor, one after the other. They sent out this guy, Paul Kelly Taylor, some Brit from Liverpool, a Liverpudlian, for two consecutive fights, and he lost them both. Marcus The Irish Hand Grenade Davis choked him out, and Chris Lights Out Lytle out-hustled him. He must have been tired after getting choked out by Marcus The Irish Hand Grenade Davis.

Akihiro Gono is one of these Japanese guys you keep hearing his name, and every time you see him fight he loses. On the undercard he fought some guy and lost. What can you say?

Shane Carwin beat up a guy in a minute and a half. He keeps being compared to Brock Lesnar. Meaning he's huge. So why don't we see him against somebody who's not just Some Guy? They're taking their time bringing Shane Carwin along. Shane Carwin's next fight is scheduled against Jimmy Peanuts Carter. I'm thinking Shane Carwin is too big for him.

Jim Miller won again on the undercard. He has a brother whose name is also Jim Miller, or else something else. One of the Miller Brothers who decided instead of beating each other up all the time, they would go take some Gracie jiu jitsu lessons with Renzo Gracie, and next thing you know, they're both on tv beating guys. He rear naked choked a guy on this undercard. What do you expect from a Renzo Gracie student? It's pretty cool that if you are in the NYC area instead of joining your local karate or TKD school you can get on the train and go to Renzo's school and maybe end up on tv. Learn how to really fight.

Then again, Jim Miller and his brother Jim Miller weren't on tv this time. They only get to be on tv on smaller cards, like HD Net or something, shows that will take just about anyone.

When I was taking jiu jitsu lessons with Renzo's ex partner Craig Kukuk, there was a guy in my class who wore a shirt that said Men Fear Me, Women Desire Me. Hehe. I saw him in Renzo's first tournament in his own school in Chelsea (lower Manhattan) and the guy lost. Oh well. I guess he ran into a man who didn't fear him too damn much.

I remember in Craig Kukuk's class you got to pick whoever you wanted to fight, and somehow, I really don't know how, I ended up against a guy who must have weighed 280. I don't remember picking him. He got on top of me and I tapped out. He was really fuckin heavy. He asked why I tapped out, because he didn't have me in anything. Yeah. Damn. You want to be under a tough guy who weighs 280? Shit.

Me and the big boy were practicing some moves together. It was my turn to be on top and try to nail an armlock on him. I sat on his chest. My knees didn't reach the floor. His chest was so wide and thick that my knees didn't reach the floor. I felt like a little kid whose feet don't reach the floor when he's in a chair. Really, you can't establish a very secure base when your knees are dangling by the guy's ribs. Felt like I was riding an elephant. I have a history of fighting huge guys. This other guy I used to train with was just as heavy as that one, but was also 6 1/2 feet tall. I used to go to his house in Livingston NJ to train. I flipped him, but he wasn't resisting much.