My mother used to cook her pork chops well done.  Now I see pink in some.  She ate it pink too, claiming that it wasn't pink.  It's as though she stopped caring for her own well being.  I know what it's like to stop caring.  Believe me.  I don't care much, if any, about me at all.  I drink sugared soda all day long and smoke cigarettes.  I don't seem to care about my own health.  I'll start to and then something triggers me to stop giving a shit.  I just wish that she would set the good example for this schizophrenic chick.  I have things in my life that make me give up on me.  I feel like a failure.  I know in my heart that people are out to get me.  It all hurts.  What I don't understand is what is happening around me.  Why doesn't my mother care about her own health?  I wish that she would.  I have more reason to not care.  I have to put up with hearing voices, seeing spirits, feeling things touch me that aren't there, thought disruption, people reading my damn mind, people pushing me around, lack of money, traumatic memories that won't go away, and a lack of my own personal sanctuary.  If I am such a pain in the ass that she insists on yelling at me even after what the therapist said, then what is she worried about me for?  If I end up dead because of my addictions, so what?  She could still have her life.  Oh, yeah, she has high blood pressure and still uses alot of salt too.  She hasn't been to the doctor about it.  She can't very well not care about her and expect her unstable daughter to give a shit about herself.  I mean really now.