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I wanna die, i can't control my feelings anymore, i have no one to turn to, what do i do, how do i do it, when is this misery gonna end, how is it gonna end, my life is one long miserable day after day after day. i can't go on, i don't want to.


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  • devilsgirl said on Oct 13, 2008....
    I am in the same situation.... that is why I change my name to what I did....
    So, my family would not know how I trully feel....
    Maybe we can become friends and talk...Maybe we can help each other go on....
  • anonymous said on Oct 13, 2008....
    I am in the same situation.... that is why I change my name to what I did....
    So, my family would not know how I trully feel....
    Maybe we can become friends and talk...Maybe we can help each other go on....
  • devilsgirl said on Oct 13, 2008....
    I am in the same situation.... that is why I change my name to what I did....
    So, my family would not know how I trully feel....
    Maybe we can become friends and talk...Maybe we can help each other go on....
  • julieseven said on Oct 13, 2008....
    Thanks for your post, i desperately need something, i just don't know how to go on, im in utter misery.
  • diabolicdame said on Oct 13, 2008....
    Hey.. please do not think like that.. whayever it is, you will get through it and things will get better. They always do. Please talk to people around you. Friends, family, a therapist.. whoever you trust. Have faith and hang on.
  • lionesss said on Oct 13, 2008....
    well, 1st thing you should do is go and see your doctor, if you havnt already, tell them exactly the same as you have put on here,have you got a close friend that can suport you through your time of need, its obvious you need help so dnt leave this any longer, get some real help, it will be hard at 1st pouring out your heart at 1st as it maybe extremly presonnal to you but it needs to be said out loud and that in itself will make you feel a whole lot better,but what ever it is i can tell you from my own experiance's,dnt leave it to build up ........:)xx
  • pusscat said on Oct 13, 2008....
    I cannot emphasise enough how much I agree with lioness.  You see - lioness and i have been the greatest and best of friends for just over 27 years now since school.  What she says about that first moment when you speak of the things that have brought you to this point in your life?  She really does speak from experience.  She has been in the pit with the heavy black cloud over her, stopping her hands from clinging to the sides to help her climb her way out, until she spoke out loud.  that one doctor that listened.  That one person that took on board what she was saying about her suffering.  It only takes that one person to listen julie - just one.

    The life that follows that discussion will be such a different life, different from anything you can imagine.  don't throw that away before it has begun pleasePM me or lioness if you like.
  • andora said on Oct 14, 2008....
     suicide is not a solution

    drugs and alcohol can make recovering from depression impossible. and it is proven through studies and statistics that anti-depressant drugs increase likeliness of suicidal thoughts and actions.

    everyone was taught at an early age that death is the ultimate solution to life...its not...you have resources many people do not. If you hate your body so much that you want to kill it, then maybe it is time to make peace with your best friend in the whole wide world - your body, heart and soul. Everyone thinks these are disposable...that's why we live in a world of trash. disposable bodies, disposable relationships etc.., only leads to loneliness and estrangement.

    I wrote a short book for People who have lost the Will to Live. its free www.pangasm.org and i pray you love yourself enough to investigate alternatives to death. if not, then no one can help you. God Bless Us in our hour of need.

    aloha julieseven
  • pusscat said on Oct 14, 2008....
    andora - I for one know that you do genuinely come here to try to help.  No matter what has gone between us before, I know you care very much for people.  I also believe in alternative therapies for many things.  Nature is a wonderful healer and provider.  What does concern me is where you got your statistics from.  I work for a Mental Health Recovery team as you know and I have no knowledge of such statistics.  If someone is having a pysichotic episode, then anti psychotic drugs are a necessity that do not enhance suicidal thoughts.  Suicidal thoughts do not even demonstrate in any way that a person will enact those thoughts out either.  When in mania, anti depressants will work with the human body and chemicals not against.  Admittedly - if someone truly wishes to take their own life, no amount of medication can guarantee stopping that.   People do not take their own lives becuase they don't like their body, heart or soul though.  People take their own lives when the chemical imbalance has become so great, that positive thought is no longer possible.  Everything becomes out of proportion.

    i would never say to anyone not to read your information but please do be careful andora what you say about anti depressants.  Not all medication suits all people.  Rispirodone may be great for one person but Olanzapine may be the one for another.  Fluoxetine may be a life saver for one person, but trigger negative thoughts in another.  This is true.  that is why medical, mental health specialists monitor very closely how a drug is working for someone.  Their thought process is studied closely and medication can then be withdrawn slowly.

    I have replied to your private mail Julie.

    Take care
  • andora said on Oct 14, 2008....
    yes, I do care about people pusscat...except when they do not care for themselves. there is a limit to my compassion after all!

    the pharmaceutical industry is killing more people than it is helping = you want evidence of this? all those commercials advertising class action suits for people who have been killed, maimed and wronged by these toxic compounds is mounting evidence - i've got more, but i digress.

    You caution me pusscat against speaking of things i know nothing about, but there you go 'assuming' you know anything at all about what i am attempting to communicate here. you have become so defensive that our interactions are purely about one-up-manship. people like you eat your young.


    there are, in fact, 60 neuropeptides that are like colours upon an artists palette. these are the drugs that our body makes to design our emotional composition. these are tangible and quantifiable. when we throw our endocrine system out of balance and attempt to balance it with toxic compounds that insult the bodies natural healing ability, then we only contribute to our imbalance. throwing poison at imbalance is deadly.

    you may know how to dispense poison pusscat, but i bet you know very little about biology. there is cutting edge biological research that verifies the 'principle of pangasm', I offered it to you years ago at www.pangasm.org. I have fruitlessly attempted to speak to you about these scientifically proven 'facts', but you are currently unteachable because you are steeped in defensiveness.

    Just because the pharmaceutical industry has you duped, doesn't mean that everyone is closed to alternatives! Unless, of course you are julieseven having a conversation with yourself here...then I have come into yet another dead end at Soul Cast.
  • julieseven said on Oct 14, 2008....
    Pusscat, thank you so much for your messages, i have taken on board all that you said, and will definatly be taking your advice and be visiting my GP as soon i can.
     
    Andora, Thank you for your postings, i will visit your site, as another alternative suggestion to my problems, Please don't suggest that i don't exist or i am someone else, i already have emotional problems without that being added.
  • devilsgirl said on Oct 14, 2008....
    Yes, I was reading more of your story...
    I really feal for you...
    Yes, I do believe in trying everything you can,tgeo save a marriage, but don't let him abuseyou.....  Because you are a beautiful women who loves you kid, and him.. I would hate it for you to that you stay with him and are being  dragged down as low as I am.... My daughters have no idea... how I feel...  I use to tell people, but they always said...It wil be better tomorrow....Well it does get better.... My daughter a grown and beautiful and are very choozy on who they are going to mrarry.  But, I still have that feeling, and I fear someday, I will let him drive me to killing my self.....
    And no man should be worth your life........
    I have left several times, but he always talks me into coming back....
    He stops for awhile, then starts back after a couple of years.
    Please, for you kids sake, don't kill yourself, because you don't want them to remember this about you!
    This is the only thing that keeps me from doing it and keeps me going every morning.....I have my daughters pictures haning up in my room where I can see them...If something were to happen to one of them.  I don't know what I would do....
  • Misty_Eyed said on Oct 17, 2008....
    Re: anti-depressants increasing suicidal thoughts. That's not quite the full story. My own experience is that anti-depressants have allowed me (ALONG WITH really good therapy) to live and to hope again. I can't tell you what a difference they have made for me.

    Andrew Solomon discusses in his book, The Noon-Day Demon, why people on antidepressants might be more likely to actually commit suicide while first starting meds, the theory being that some people are actually too depressed to even take an action such as committing suicide, but just as they start to improve with medication, they are at a bit of a risk because they start to develop more energy and motivation. Of course, once you get past that hump, then things can only get better.

    The book I mentioned above was also really helpful for me, especially when I was going through a phase where I didn't want to talk to people on the phone, especially anyone I didn't know well. I was simply incapable of making most of the phone calls I needed to make, even when it came to calling doctors. And I wasn't exactly calling my friends much (or calling them back much) either. Even now, with a wonderful horde of friends, I still can't seem to pick up the phone to call any of them if I'm really down about something. It's the strangest thing.
  • pusscat said on Oct 18, 2008....
    Misty_Eyed - thank you for such an insight into this subject.  It is always good to read how someone has been helped to come out of such a dark place as depresssion.  I have not read that book but will certainly look it up.

    I also find that, when I am just fedup about something or have a general bad day at work, it's no problem chatting to friends about it but, when that bad day is due to my depression, it's the opposite - it's like, the things are bad enough in my head without actually finding the energy to speak it all out loud.  You know?  So many people say, "speak about it", but they don't understand it is that first step to talk that we struggle with.

    If ever you wanna just private message me (PM) here, feel free :-)
  • qambela said on Oct 21, 2008....

    Dear Julieseven

     

    I cannot even begin to comprehend what you must be going through. I recently wrote a note on suicide, and its affects and causes. Our blog is primarily targeted at first year university (college) students, for we are aware of the problems that they face, and suicide always seems to be the solution. Please know that with time everything will turn out well, read some of our posts on counselling services and just keeping faith alive, and you will learn that there are other ways of dealing with your problems, whether you are a university student or not.

     

    Be blessed.

     

    Warm regards

    Gcobani

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....the ramifications of egging on a total stranger...............
Okay so I haven't had a decent post in days.

Maybe it's because I don't have anything to sag except nag about my oh so damn boring life these days.
I used to be the life of the party, the girl everyone calls on a Friday night, the one w...
My hands can almost reach the sky
Everything beneath me looks small
Don't care what they have all said
Actions show they don't even try
Everything I am, time to fall
Maybe I'll fly up instead
Either way I know I want to...
the gun is calling to me now.

black and sleek, it needs release

just like me.

so why not release into me? Oh smitten blasphemy of kinds unkown

Perhaps I will see the torment I feel inside

wh...
death/greiving/lost loved ones.....

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