So where to begin? I am blogging in an effort to understand myself and get through this little "life crisis" I am going through. Life crisis? Isn't that a joke? It's what he prefers to call it though. I call it boredom. It's just unfortunate for him I do naughty things when I get bored. What can I say? I am my own worst enemy and self destructive behaviour is my habit.
So a little about me. 22. Not married but would be if I said yes just once in the last 6 years of him asking. I know better than to get married though. When I get married it will be forever. And the things I want to do still, wont lead to forever with him. I have two little ones with him. I must say, motherhood doesn't suit me. I do everything I can, don't get me wrong. I don't blame the kids but I have never felt so meaningless, bored and trapped than in the last 3 years. How do other women find happiness in marriage and homemaking? I have been doing it for a while now and I would rather be dead than live another minute of the same. How draining and annoying it is to not be able to even fucking post a blog without hearing the two bicker and HIM just sit there and watch football. Good fucking God at least I am doing something that requires some semblance of a fucking brain you would think he could break his concentration fucking long enough to allow me 10 fucking minutes to get something off of my fucking mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmm.... see this is probably how every post will go.I will try to explain something or get something off my chest and instead the anger that has been coming more and more will boil up and I will vent it instead. Jesus Christ how did I end up in this fucking life? I can't take it anymore. This can't be MY life!!!
Right now I would rather be having meaningless crazy sex with that 21 year old I had a brief fling with. He was hot. Instead I have "Sweet Home Alabama" blaring in my ears to block out the noise of the 3 year old, 1 year old and the latest sports highlights update during what I am guessing is halftime. Where's my halftime? My little break from the hussle?
