I used to be a huge boxing fan. I could name you all the heavyweight champions in order, from John L. Sullivan to wherever I lost interest, when boxing died. I could accurately predict the outcome of every fight and I knew every top fighter really well. But when boxing died I lost interest. It was killed by its own greed. The problem was, and is, that there are no champions anymore because there are too many champions now. WBC, WBA, WBO, IBF. Bullshit. What kind of crappy sport is it when you never find out who the champion is. The whole point of any professional sport is to determine who the champion is. Wouldn't football suck if they just gave you four top contenders and walked away from it? Boxing makes more money that way though, because they can bill so many more fights as title fights, and so many more people can get paid for promoting title fights. I believe that all the people responsible for killing the sport of boxing should be themselves killed, by every means possible, one after the other, and then their bodies burned, converted to a powder, and mixed with cat pee.

Showtime had a (hahaha) title fight between (hahaha) champion Sam Peter and challenger Vitali Klitschko. Vitali used to be the champion of that particular alphabet but he retired four years ago and hasn't fought since. He comes out of retirement without a warmup fight, to get his belt back. He never fought Sam Peter before, but his brother Wladimir did. Wladimir was the only man to ever beat Sam Peter. And Sam Peter was annoyed, yes, annoyed, that he had to defend his title against the other brother, Vitali. Sam Peter wanted a rematch with Wladimir to somewhat unify the heavyweight title. Wladimir is another of the (hahaha) champions.

Here's what they looked like. Vitali Klitschko (first name pronounced Vit a lee) is very tall, not heavily muscled, looks very human, not like a sculpted model. Sam Peter is a black guy with a round face and slit eyes hidden in that fleshy face of his. He is very fat for a boxer, built like Two Ton Tony Galento with that really ample belly.

Here's what the fight looked like. I can describe any one of the rounds because they were all identical.

Sam Peter ambled forward. Vitali Klitschko stepped backward. Vitali held his hands very low, particularly his left, which was down around his balls half the time, or sometimes as high as his belly. Sam Peter fought like a Smokin' Joe Frazier on heroin. Occasionally he threw a punch. It missed. Call him Dopin' Joe Frazier.

Vitali moved his hands the short distance from his sides to his opponent's face. He kept touching Peter's face with his hands. He never loaded up on his punches. He never got any of his body weight behind his punches. He just flicked punches out from his side, whap, whap. He won every single round. Why not? He was in against a punching bag.

They have something new in boxing sometimes. They announce the scores on all three judges cards after round 4 and round 8 of a 12 round fight. After round 4 the score on all three cards was 40-36 for Vitali. After round 8 I didn't hear the scores but they announced them and they were most likely 80-72 on all three cards. Whatever the hell they were, Dopin' Joe Frazier quit. He just quit. He didn't wanna play anymore. He wasn't hurt. His eyes weren't puffy, any more than usual in that puffy face of his. He wasn't cut. He just didn't want to play anymore.

Let me tell you a few things. The real Joe Frazier would have beaten the pee out of Sam Peter. Check this out. Gerry Cooney would have beaten the pee out of Sam Peter. Larry Holmes would have literally killed Sam Peter. People act like Cooney was a joke, but I'm not kidding, Cooney would have beaten half the stuffing out of Sam Peter. Cooney was twice the fighter.

As for Vitali Klitschko, he's a pretty sharp guy. From what I saw in this fight, Larry Holmes would give him a painful boxing lesson. I know it's a stereotype for some old fan to say that the old timers were a lot better than the new guys, and I never used to do that, but in this case, the old timers were a lot better than the new guys. I'm impartial. Larry Holmes would clean up on this crop of pretenders.

I don't know how good Wladimir Klitschko is. He's apparently the best boxer in the world today. This is the first time that two brothers simultaneously hold world championships, but I have to assume that Wladimir is the better of the two and he's the real champion. They'll never fight each other. They aren't like the Shamrock brothers of MMA who would fight each other if the money was right, because they hate each other.