OscarB posted on Oct 10, 2008
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| Tags: sex
I have a situation with my client who I regularly have coffee with…who has recently had some sort of break down and is now in Therapy and on anti-depressants. However, it's been a good experience for me as I have for the first time been completely aware of my M.O around men...
I was always suspicious of his intentions…I couldn't understand why he constantly felt the need to discuss the most intimate aspects of his life with me…his marriage…his ex…his son…his on-going erectile dysfunction issues…all while calmly sipping on his coffee and me awkwardly squirming in my seat, as the disturbing visual of him in active combat, with his defiant appendage flashed through my mind. Even though he continuously told me all he wanted was my friendship…I felt he was trying to get into my pants by attempting to incite sympathy…especially when he shared the erectile issue…I felt he was trying to prove to that his intentions were not sexual as he couldn't perform. But I was on to him…
I had coffee with him again this week and received a message afterwards saying he was very depressed…and wanted to kill himself. I was alarmed but did not overreact...and actually felt a little guilty for being such a cynical bitch. We communicated via sms the entire day...the conversation started gradually changing…it progressed from…I am deeply depressed and want to kill myself...to…I have 6 inch tongue and can breathe through my ears!!
To be honest…I allowed the conversation to progress to that point, actually…I might have initiated it. (Squirming and blushing profusely) I knew exactly what I was doing, but really could not stop myself from leading him on, even though I knew fully well what I was setting him up for. But I figured that one couldn't be aroused and suicidal at the same time, so perhaps I actually helped him?? What happened next is quite obvious…I told him that I was not interested in taking this any further. He has since been sms'ing and emailing me incessantly, saying that he can't loose me…he wants me…he needs me…can't live without me.
I know I created this situation because this is exactly what I do to men all the time…this scenario speaks volumes to me in terms of my relationship with my husband…I realised that regardless of what he has done in the past…the reality of how I am in the relationship would not change. What has happened with my client happens regularly with my husband…I seduce him but when he gets too close or too needy…I reject him. In my opinion he also becomes a groveling…flaccid…irritation.
It doesn't change how I feel about my husband at the moment as I am still planning to leave him…but it does give me another perspective and understanding of myself and therefore the ability to make the best decisions for myself and my son.
But what a little tart I am???
