It has been nine days since I posted anything, getting slack I am!
Anyway, my last post was about insomnia, and my recent suffering thereof. Well it has been 9 days since I began a nightly ritual of going for a walk/jog around the beach near my place, and I must say wow to exercise being a great sleeping pill! It's great not using sleeping pills as I don't wake up with the usual lethargy that sleepers give me. In fact, when I used to take Zolpidem (Ambien/Stilnox CR) I used to sleepwalk and do ALL kinds of crazy things. I will describe them in a separate post as it's quite alarming, but funny in a 'it happened to someone else' way!
So I walk from 45 minutes to an hour, depending on whether or not I decide to jog more than walk. I'm still not fit enough to jog the whole way as my lungs really hurt trying to breathe whilst jogging. Damn smoking, I'm glad I've quit that habit, although admittedly I still crave a cigarette several times a day. All that requires is a deep breath and an affirmation of strength. I ask myself why would I want to become enslaved by cigarettes again? Why would I want to smell like smoke again, or continue smoking knowing it's massively increasing my chance of getting cancer or suffering a stroke or heart attack. I say no thanks!
Although I now sleep 6-8 hours per night, which is excellent, I still continue to have bad dreams, night after night. I'm constantly dreaming that I break up with my partner, so far every night I've dreamed this. It alwas involves me yelling and screaming my frustrations at him and telling him to just F off and leave me alone. Sometimes I geet violent and bash him in the dream and that surprises me as I'm not a violent person. Other dreams include a stranger trying to prick me with a syringe tainted with hiv, or being offered a cup of tea in a mug that a person I know with hepatitis has drank out of, and other weird and scary situations. Things such as blood viruses and sexual diseases scare me so much, that must be why I keep having bad dreams about them. I think the upcoming appointment for my first hepatitis A vaccine is floating around my subconscious when I'm asleep or something as I often dream of getting various vaccines too.
Drawing has become another past time I've picked up again and I've been drawing pictures of various flowers that I like, it's very relaxing to sit there and draw or sketch a picture.
Other updates include: My firend with emphysema is still alive, he is really fighting hard and has even gone home...defying and surprising the doctors who gave him 24 hours to live about 2 weeks ago! Good on him, although it is sad as he is in a lot of pain but is on morphine for that.
My plants are growing nicely and the poppies are getting bigger! I can't wait for some flower buds to start growing out of the foliage.
Until soon,
Ton
thegayfuckup posted on Oct 09, 2008
| views: 433
Comments
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lionesss said on Oct 10, 2008....
hello, how are you, im plz'd you've been able to avoid having a ciggerette, and i bet you feel a whole lot better for it,im sure you will be able to jog alot further without getting those pains, and also it's good that you've not had any sleepers either, as i know they are very addictable, and if you have had drug problems then a massive pat on the back, as at the time you say oh only 5 to get my sleep rythem,but it dnt turn out that way,as i know myself,, i do take sleepers sometimes as iv a sleep disorder not able to sleep and it brings on my seizures,with your bad dreams ,now im no expert but it seems like you brain cant cut down every bit of information taken in by your memory, now like every thing 'it overloads, so it needs clearing, by sleeping ;ie; dreams....oh plz do a post of when you took zolpidem as thats what im givin sometimes xxbut well done with the cigs and mabe buy a pair of trainers to jog in at night :-)xx -
PieterOpie said on Jan 07, 2009....
You are echoing a period in my life when everything that could go wrong did go wrong and some time later finally realised I was actually suffering from bi-polar depression. Things were pretty grim and they weren't getting any better. All the things you have mentioned I have experienced as well and from what I read we have a remarkable lot of things in common. The one difference is our age. I am twice your age and so I have the gift of hindsight. There is help out there even when it seems like that would not suit you. No one can handle so many things on their own. We are not supermen. We need others to share the load and believe me this is in no way a reflection of you. You are not fucked up. The things in your life have knocked you around but it is not your fault and it is not the way it has to be. I have been there and I too felt totally without hope. It is the depression talking. It is not real. I promise.
Reach out for help. You'll be amazed how many want to...... warm regards, Pieter
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UnicornForm said on Jul 27, 2009....
OMG Im experiencing insomnia exercise and terrible sleep to....I hope it goes well for you. Poppies? aint that what they grow overr in Afpakkinstan? I quit drugs, although ..nvm.. <3 & Hugs haha im so rude...im buni btw nice to read u -
ana's_soul said on Sep 20, 2009....
you are quite a talented writer. The way you present your life grabs my attention. You are very right about walking/jogging before sleeping. It helps a lot.
Congrats about giving up smoking. Nasty habit. I think it is great how you talk yourself out of it.
It's a tad odd about these dreams. I have no comment on that. Scary stuff.
Hope all is well and bad times get better.
Comment on "Sleep, Bad Dreams and Exercise"
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