Ya know, I was giving the church a chance to prove itself last night.  I didn't like what happened with the Pastor though.  He looked at me and said "Change your ways."  Like I was doing anything at that point?  All I know is that I don't like being judged by a Christian.  They all want me to come to the church Sunday, but I don't want to go.  I'm disturbed by the comments last night.  I'm trying to live my life in such a way that it benefits my psyche.  I don't think that Christianity is going to do that, considering the talk about giving up one's sense of self for God.  Why would God create a sense of self if he wanted us to get rid of it?  It's a part of nature.  I just don't think that it's for me.  I keep trying because I want something to believe in, but there's no point.  Even if I have to change where I do my work for the food stamps, at least I would know that I wasn't sending myself off into some psychotic frenzy because I live in denial or dissociate with me.  I've had enough of that.  I am also sick of feeling like parts of me are leaving.  I want my thinking brain to work properly.  I want to be able to access what needs to be accessed up in it.  Oh well.  We'll see whether or not I have to continue to go to church just to do the work.