I thought I'd write here and make an appearance. I'm always here though, just reading. Cant bring myself to write. But now I will. Rather now, I'll verbalize my ranting. This has been going on and on in my head and Im pretty tired of thinking about it.
Letting it all out now.
Im in a long distance relationship. Before this guy, I never believed such type of relationships work. Specially for me. Im a "Ms.Right Now" type of girl. I really didnt have the patience to sit around waiting for some hero to rescue me. But then, things turned upside down and for the first time, someone showed me that if its the real thing, you cant go wrong and even the impossible, works. Its been a year since I last saw him and touched him. Well I see him everyday, thanks to the advent of webcams and videophones. He calls 4x a day. He emails me everytime he's free. I know, that even though we're continents apart, his world still revolves around me. And I love it.
He does his best to not make me feel left out of his life. He asks for my opinion in everything. He values what I say every time. He does his best to bridge the distance. For the longest time, it worked. The calls, the emails, the letters. Theyre great, yeah. But as of this very moment, all I really need is to hold his hand.
I know his plans and things are going really great for him. And I dont have any intention of messing it up. But lately, I've been telling him to go home soon. And its giving him too much pressure. Its not just the sex. But its part of it ofcourse. Been telling my friends I've been celebate for a year and Im revirginized. The only lick Im getting is from my dog. In the first few months of him gone, the physical longing was difficult to handle. But I've gotten through it. Now, missing him means missing him, not just merely missing physical intimacy.
I heard he'll be home in 2 months. For Christmas. I havent asked him about it. Maybe Im building false hopes in my head that he will be home and I dont want those hopes crashing down. If they have to be taken down, I dont want to hear it from him.
Dragged myself to work today. Though I woke up really early, I got up late. I dont have the energy. I just thought I need the pay so I dragged myself here against my will. Bad. Bad trainer.
I'll try my best to handle things properly. Its just a matter of time.
