it's just half past 6pm (in the Philippines) and im feeling weary and tired. sleepy mostly. but yeah weary and tired fits just right as well.

i have a quiz for my algebra class tomorrow, and because it's been eons - until i have taken MATH111 this term - since the last time i actually got worked up with math. i tried solving a few numbers from the practice exercise my professor handed out weeks ago. i barely solved half of the equations in one activity number when i felt sleep creeping into my system. tsk and i thought i was going to be good this weekend.

i tried doing something else to try to keep me awake or totally wake me up if possible. i took out my cross stitch kit and continued stitching from where i left off. a few minutes after i felt weary of my activity and decided to just finish the floss left of the color i was using then. there goes attempt #2 to wake myself up.

i continued with the novel i was reading.yeah i know it's not exactly an activity to keep oneself awake.but im a bookworm and i love to read.it's one of my favorite hobbies.more than an hour after i felt tired with what im doing.i tried setting down the book but then i thought Now what am i suppose to do?i came up with nothing.

earlier today my brother and our nanny had a squabble.i wasnt really sure what it was about but what all my brother kept saying was "ayokong umupo baka malaglag lang nanaman ako." according to our nanny my brother was sitting in her lap and she slightly moved her leg while he sat.i think in the process he almost fell off and he thought that the nanny did it on purpose.my brother is 13 years old,slender and taller than me; im about 5 feet 5 inches tall.our nanny on the other hand is petite and stands roughly around 5 feet tall.

i guess im just really tired with all the squabble. not just the squabbles but everything - and not - in my life.

im tired with trying to do my part as his sister.to fulfill my role as the mother of the house, a role i tried to play for my parent's sake since mom is away.but all im getting is stress with efforts unappreciated and overlooked. my brother thinks im such a Pakialamera in his life. that im keeping things that make him happy which includes me giving curfews to how long his friends stay over every freaking saturday for more than 2 months now, them playing PS over 3 to 4 hours continuously; and keeping him away from the girl he "loves" his ex.

WTF.

first off she's more than two years my brother's senior.her reputation is isa siya sa mga malalanding estudyante ng school (we studied - or at least my brother still currently is studying in a Chinese school).she's no good for him.she didnt take her studies seriously so maraming beses na siyang nagrepeat.tumino lang siya nung naging sila ng kapatid ko.the list goes on but i dont want to tire myself with it. simply speaking parang nangangati ang ari niya.at ito namang kapatid ko nagpapakatangang nagbago na yung babae.but no matter how many times we have tried to wake him up to reality, he just won't.paano matutulungan ang isang taong ayaw namang magpatulong?ganun lang kasimple e.so fine let him learn the hard way.im tired of preventing him from hurting himself.if he doesnt want to be helped, fine im wont meddle with his affairs anymore.

ang masakit dun hindi raw siya masaya sa bahay.sa school daw siya masaya kasama ang barkada niya at yung babaeng yun.so fine knock himself out.ayoko na siyang pigilan pa.bahala na siya.

and actually this is just one of the reasons why im so fucking fed up with my life.